ALL KEYED-UP ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Who says you can't get something for nothing? Just ask the Attractive Young Woman who made the scene at 7th and Montana yesterday dangling a lost set of keys. "Hey everyone," she cried, "Has anyone lost a set of keys?" One of them seemed to be to a Porsche. Meanwhile, an Anonymous Loon was standing outside trying to get something for nothing from Veronica and Amanda. "Got any money?," he asked. When they told him they couldn't spare any change, he went ballistic. "You are the Devil's Spawn," he screamed so loudly he could be heard a block away, "Everyone here, all of you, are the Devil's Spawn!" He was last seen driving up Pacific Coast Highway in a Porsche ...!

A GEM OF A GUY ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Suspicions ran high at 7th and Montana yesterday as a man known among insiders as "The Jeweler" made the scene, intent on selling custom -- or was it costume? -- jewelry to passersby. "Beautiful jewels for beautiful ladies!," he cried, approaching two woman who were sitting at the bus stop on 7th Street. Without waiting for them to respond, he reached into a paper bag and pulled out a handful of necklaces. "Just look how they sparkle and shimmer," he said. At least he didn't show them his family jewels ...!

GUITAR HERO ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet "The Vagabond," an anonymous newcomer who made the scene at 7th and Montana this morning with a beat-up guitar and a song in his heart. He didn't play any music, but he attracted a lot of attention nevertheless with his tie-dye tank top, black shorts and backwards baseball cap. "Quick, get your Spycam," said Neighbor Mel, "There's a live one over there." I didn't waste any time. Mel, a top TV executive, was quick to invent a back story. "He's starring in a new TV series," Mel joked. "Right," I said, keeping Mel's long list of classic TV credits in mind, "What'll we call this one: Mary Tyler Less ...?"

MAKING HAIRSTORY ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

The Fashion Police practically laughed in my face yesterday at 7th and Montana when I tried to report a young man wearing a headband. The man -- an otherwise well-dressed newcomer in his early twenties -- was wearing the kind of plastic headband one normally associates with Hillary Clinton ... 15 years ago. "But officer," I said, "Surely you should issue this guy a citation ... he looks even more ridiculous than Hillary!" But it was no good. I guess in a world filled with zombies in dresses, little old ladies in Lycra stretch pants and fitness nuts in unabomber jackets, a man wearing a plastic headband is hardly worth notice.

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER BOMBSHELL ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was bombs away at 7th and Montana this morning as Our Friendly Neighborhood Unabomber -- the man known for traipsing up and down 7th Street dressed like Rambo -- made the scene after a lengthy hiatus. And that's not all. He was sporting a whole, new look. Gone was the usual Tactical Assault Vest and in its place was a perfectly normal, red T-shirt. "Lookin' good!," I said as I walked by, but truth be told, I missed his Unabomber outfit. Were it not for the yards of silver duct tape still strapped to each hand, I hardly would have recognized him ...!

PUNXSUTAWNEY LOON ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was Groundhog Day at 7th and Montana today and you know what that means. While the rest of the country was busy waiting to see whether Punxsutawney Phil would see his shadow, we at Our Favorite Starbucks were watching to see whether Rigolatte -- the Local Loon who locks himself in the bathroom and belts out opera tunes for hours on end -- would snag any artificial sweetener. There have been days when Rigolatte has stuffed at least 20 packets of Sweet n' Low down his shirt, but today wasn't one of them. He emerged from his lair at precisely 8:15, cast a tentative glance around him, and made a beeline for the condiments bar ... only to find me standing right next to the artificial sweetener with my Spycam pointed right at him. He giggled uncontrollably, then zipped out the door, empty-handed. So, my friends, there you have it. Punxsutawney Phil didn't see his shadow today and Rigolatte didn't get any Sweet n' Low. That means it's going to be an early Spring ... and an endless Opera Season at 7th and Montana!

TUTU MUCH ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was a taste of Swan Lake at 7th and Montana this morning as a delightful, four-year old ballerina made the scene wearing a bright blue tutu. All eyes were on her as she pirouetted her way from the pastry case to the espresso bar and back again. Her biggest fan by far, however, appeared to be the Zombie, known for sitting in the same seat, in the same position for hours on end. He watched her tutu intently and seemed to be making mental notes. Something tells me he's about to raise the barre -- not to mention the hemline -- on his own attire!