FROM RUSSIA WITH LOATHE ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was high finance at 7th and Montana yesterday as an Anonymous Wheeler Dealer made the scene pitching a once-in-a-lifetime investment opportunity.  The deal-maker, a Russian woman in her mid-fifties, wore a black cape, a fur boa, dark sunglasses and skin-tight, snakeskin pants.  She took a seat in the corner, whipped out her cell phone and started cursing in the kind of deep, heavily accented voice usually reserved for enemy spies in a James Bond movie.  "Nyet, Nyet, Nyet," she said, before switching to English, "F-ck, F-ck, F-ck!"   She dialed a number and turned on the charm.  "Daaahlink," she began, "I'm calling from my Los Angeles office and do I have an opportunity for you.  Qualcomm is in.  This will be big, I tell you.  It's global.  It's the biggest thing I've seen in a while and, just so you know, I used to run Compaq.  Let me put you in touch with my colleague in Vienna ..."  Just for kicks, I sidled a bit closer and started loudly ordering coffee drinks.  "Lucrative!" she shouted, "I'm only offering this to a chosen few!"  At that moment, as if on cue, the toilet flushed and Rigolatte -- the local loon known for belting out opera tunes for hours on end -- emerged from the rest room, yodeling as he walked by.  I'm not sure whether the Wheeler-Dealer closed her deal, but one thing's for sure, now we know who put the bull in the bull market ...! 

CLOTHING OPTIONAL (?) ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

A nude day was dawning at 7th and Montana this morning as word spread that an attractive regular only occasionally wears clothing.  The fun began when Robin complimented the young woman on her outfit.  "Why thanks," she replied, "Sometimes I get dressed."  Sometimes?  The brief exchange left me wondering what she does on her off days.  "What is she," I asked, "A nudist?"  Stay tuned, folks, I'll keep you abreast of the situation ...!

HAIR WE GO, AGAIN ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was a close encounter with Cruella Deville at 7^th and Montana yesterday as a local version of the fur-ocious 101 Dalmatians scoundrel made the scene.  And like her cartoon counterpart, she was obsessed with a local purebred:  Reggie, the Polish Lowland Sheepdog.  “That dog,” she shrieked, “He’s irresistible.  May I pet him …?”  Without waiting for an answer, she began stroking Reggie’s fur.  “So soft,” she cooed, “So luxurious … so lustrous.  It’s everything one would want in a dog’s coat and more!”  I whipped out my Spycam and kept a close eye on her.  “You know,” she told Richard, “His fur would make an excellent sweater!”  “There's an idea,” I muttered, "But wouldn't he make a better throw rug?"  Meanwhile, as for Reggie, he couldn't take his eyes off Cruella.  No doubt he was thinking what a perfect chew toy he could make out of her hair ...!

LONG JANE SILVER ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was Hi Ho Silver and away at 7th and Montana this morning as a Friendly Octogenarian made the scene wearing skin-tight silver spandex pants, a motorcycle jacket and a purple boa.  She had two pairs of glasses on at the same time, one perched atop what looked like a blond fright wig and the other on her face.  While she sat there, clacking away at her laptop, a steady parade of customers assembled nearby, practically begging me to take her photo.  "Isn't she a bit old for those pants?," asked one.  "Not at all," I replied, "They don't call 'em the Silver Years for nothing ...!"

A CASE OF THE BENDS ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet the Twisted Sister, an anonymous newcomer who bent over backwards this morning to attract attention at 7th and Montana.  I mean that literally.  She stretched herself across two chairs and bent her torso into a clam shell like a demented contortionist.  “Howdy,” I said, “Is this seat taken?”  She didn’t answer.  I smiled and tried again.  “My, aren’t you the flexible one,” I chuckled.  Still nothing.  I tried a more direct approach.  “Earth to Mrs. Gumby, snap out of it!”  No response.  Finally, I gave up and went my merry way.  I would have continued trying to get her attention, but why risk getting her bent out of shape ...?

HALLOWEEN, REVISITED ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Eyes were popping at 7th and Montana this morning as an Anonymous Loon made the scene looking like a reject from the Wicked Witch of the West Fashion Academy.  Her outfit was a crazy quilt of crazy quilts billowing around her haphazardly to create that just out of Bednobs and Broomsticks look.  Her shoes, a few strategically-placed pieces of plush suede tied together with rawhide, looked vaguely Cro-Magnon.  Her manner, however, as she walked up and down 7th Street playing folks tunes on a guitar and talking incessantly on her cell phone, seemed all too rehearsed.  She even stopped in front of my table in what seemed like a staged photo opportunity before continuing on her merry way.  "I'm catching a ride up North tonight," she said loudly.  As for me, I just shook my head.  "Some people will do anything to get into the blog," I muttered ...

INTERIM UPDATE ...

It's been a busy few weeks and I've had little time to post lately.  Mainly, I was at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas and then, shortly after I got home, I got sick.  I returned to 7th and Montana this morning, mostly recovered, so will try to post a new update on that later today.  That is, if I can figure out how to post photos, again.  It seems like Google has made some changes to 'Blogger' designed to prevent you from uploading photos directly from your PC and instead pushing you to use their own Google+ service.  It may take me a while to figure this out ...