DEMON HUNTING ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was a Devil May Care attitude at 7th and Montana on Sunday as an Anonymous Demon Hunter made the scene intent on protecting the crowd from evil.  I knew something was up as soon as he began stacking chairs on top of each other to create a fortress.  "Uh oh," I said, "I smell trouble."  He pulled a set of rosary beads out of his pocket and began pointing it at oncoming traffic.  "Beelzebub, Begone!," he shouted.  Two daring Baristas asked him to leave, but their efforts backfired.  He merely walked inside and grabbed a table by the pastry case.  "Evil is nearby," he cried, "I can sense it!"  The poor guy was obviously in the wrong place.  He should try the new Holy Grounds Café at Saint Monica's Church, where I hear the coffee is a religious experience ...

THRONE FOR A LOOP: THE NINE-MONTH BATHROOM ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Neighbor R was flush with excitement at 7th and Montana this morning.  Why?  Because after nine long months, his bathroom remodel is finally complete.  A lot can happen in nine months and, trust me, the story of Neighbor R's toilet alone belongs in the an(n)als of history.  Not since King Tut's tomb was discovered in the Valley of the Kings has one throne meant so much to so many.  "Hooray," I said, "This calls for Champagne and Caviar.  Correction, make that Prune Juice and Raisin Bran ...!"  Editor's Note:  I'm not sure, but I think the toilet might be the black box attached to the wall in the photo above.

MAD HATTER ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

They say two heads are better than one.  Too bad the same can't be said of hats.  Ladies and Gentlemen, meet the Mad Hatter, an anonymous newcomer who made the scene at 7th and Montana this morning wearing a ski hat pulled over a baseball cap and halfway down his head.  He stumbled across 7th Street, like a man wearing a blindfold, and took a seat at the next table over.  "Get your camera ready," muttered Joyce.  But she didn't need to alert me.  His odor -- a perfume that could be bottled and sold as Eau de Nuthouse -- had already announced his arrival.  Some say he was just another unfortunate fashion victim, but I say 'hats off' to him.  He spent the morning reading out loud from a book on Quantum Chaos Theory ... 

GOODBYE TABLE HOGS ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

The Table Hogs -- a group that descends on Our Favorite Starbucks every weekend and takes up two tables and nearly every available chair in the place -- made the scene yesterday.  Thank God there's an app for that!

THE SOUND OF MUSIC ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Mr. and Mrs. Quilty, a delightful couple who made the scene at 7th and Montana this week wearing matching vests that looked they were made out of a quilt that time forgot.  They were purple with swirling, pink peacock feathers.  "Joseph called," I said, "He wants his amazing, technicolor dreamcoat back!"  But they were too busy strutting their stuff to notice.  Some say they're just a pair of unfortunate fashion victims, but I think they've fallen into a terrible Von Trapp.  It starts small, with little things like doilies and quilts and, before you know it, they'll be fashioning play clothes out of curtains and dangling from the Eucalyptus Trees on 7th Street ...