skip to main |
skip to sidebar
It was Yak Season at 7th and Montana today ... but darn it all, I forgot my hunting rifle. Meet Sir Yaks-a-Lot, an Anonymous Nincompoop who made the scene at Our Favorite Starbucks shouting nonstop on his cell phone. "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!," he shrieked. Then, "No, No, No!." It was like listening to a flip-flopping presidential candidate. At one point he shouted, "I have one more question for you! ..." "So do I," I muttered, "When are you going to shut up?!?" Some people shouldn't be allowed to use a cell phone!
We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming at 7th and Montana to deliver a Shout-Out to The Dog Whisperer. Cesar Millan, if you're out there, we need you. Gordo the Wonder Dog, the lovable pooch rescued from death's door by Robb and Robin, needs help. You see, Gordo can't bear to be away from Robb or Robin ... but this is more than just separation anxiety. He gets so nervous whenever they're not around that he bolts -- does whatever he can to escape from whoever is looking after him and runs off to find Robb or Robin. Some months ago, he nearly reached the Freeway in an effort to find Robb, and the whole neighborhood mounted a search and rescue mission. Last week, he literally leaped off an overhang of a three-story building to find Robin, breaking a bone in his paw, cracking three ribs and ruining a canine tooth in the process. Now, his leg is in a 'doggie cast' and he's doped-up on pain killers. If that doesn't call for a little Dog Whispering, I don't know what does ...!
'Barnacle Bess,' the local eccentric with a heart of gold, paid me an interesting compliment on Sunday. "I like your costume," she said. "Costume?!?," I thought, looking at my usual weekend duds. "Just getting an early start on Halloween," I replied, "But enough about me. Your outfit looks brand new!" I could say this with confidence, knowing that a large, purple price tag was dangling from her sunglasses. "Oh, thanks," she said, "It's always good to shake things up a bit!" As for the price tag, she wears it proudly -- sort of like a modern-day Minnie Pearl -- to avoid that her sunglasses get lost in the shuffle. A little individuality never hurt anyone, I always say ...!
It was a tug of war at 7th and Montana on Saturday as Louie, the Adorable Fluff Ball, tried to show everyone who's in charge. The fun began when Kerry got up to leave. Louie decided he wanted to stay put. He dug his heels in and refused to budge. Kerry pulled at the leash, but Louie displaced his weight, almost daring her to drag him across the sidewalk. "Come on, Louie," said Kerry. But Louie just looked at her as if to say, "Heh, heh, heh ... I'll fix her." I guess you could call it poetic justice ...
Neighbor Gavi had stars in her eyes at 7th and Montana yesterday ... and can you blame her? The sheer wattage of the luminaries in our neighborhood is enough to blind anyone. "Hey," she cried, "Isn't that the Actor John Hawkes over there? He's great!" "Ummm, I don't think that's him," I said. "He stars in 'Deadwood'," she continued, "And he's amazing." "Ummm, I don't think that's him," I repeated. But next thing you know, she had sprung into action. She ran right up to him and said, "I just have to ask, aren't you John Hawkes ...?" As it turned out, he wasn't John Hawkes. He wasn't even Stephen Hawking. He was just another face in the crowd. Dejected, Gavi and her faithful pooch Jemima walked up 7th Street with me and Gen. We didn't make it half a block before we ran into Neighbor Valerie who seemed pleased to meet Gavi and tried to lavish some attention on Jemima. But Gavi just yanked Jemima's leash and said, "Sorry, we're rushed, gotta go!" I waited a few minutes before telling Gavi that she did, indeed, get her celebrity sighting for the morning. "That was Valerie Harper," I said, "Perhaps best known for playing Rhoda on TV!"
Quick, call the Fashion Police! A fugitive from their most wanted list made the scene at 7th and Montana this morning wearing enough foliage in her hair to start a rain forest. A giant, red plastic flower protruded from her hair like a Bromeliad in the Amazon . "Careful," I thought, approaching from behind, "She might be armed and dangerous. That flower probably squirts seltzer water!" Someone needs to read this woman her Carmen Miranda rights ...!
Security was out in full force this morning at 7th and Montana in the wake of a mysterious break-in at the 500 block of San Vicente. At approximately 4:00 a.m. this morning, neighborhood residents were awoken by a blood curdling scream and a crash. An intruder -- who by all accounts sounds like a cross between Spiderman and Norman Bates -- scaled-up a three-story apartment complex, entered a third-floor unit through the balcony and scared the hell out of the single woman who lives there. When the woman screamed, the man apparently ran back out the balcony door, clawed his way to the ground, leaving a bloody trail in his wake, and tried breaking into a couple of other units. "He was like a crazed animal," said one witness. Police and helicopters arrived on the scene within minutes. Locals, while shocked, wasted no time speculating about the incident. "Do you think it was one of the Starbucks Loonies?," asked one. "I don't think so," I replied, "It's not Rigolatte's M.O., or that of the Newspaper Thief." The suspect remains at large.
Posts
