LOONS ON THE LOOSE ... BEYOND 7TH AND MONTANA!

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet "the Swami," a Local Loon who made the scene near Sony Pictures this morning intent on causing a commotion. I knew something was up as soon as I saw him walking my way. He had thick, greasy dreadlocks and a crazy glint in his eyes. I got into my car -- where I was conducting a conference call -- and watched in amazement as he knelt to the ground, stuck his rear end in the air and began kissing the earth. Twenty minutes later, he let out a fart of seismic proportions and began standing on his head.

That was my exit cue. "It doesn't get much zanier than this," I thought, heading back to my office. I arrived just in time to share the elevator with a man whose fingers seemed to be permanently ensconced in his nose. I tried not to look as he carefully plucked out several nose hairs and dropped them one-by-one on the elevator floor. I guess it's time to start picketing the elevator ...!