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All hell broke loose aboard United Flight #891 to Tokyo today when a team of officials from Japan's Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare boarded the flight for a "Routine Quarantine Inspection." I knew something was up when the Flight Attendant handed me a "Questionnaire of Health Status" which, she said, I would need to fill out and provide to government officials when we landed. Questions included: (1) Do You Suffer from Mucus or Rhinostenosis? and (2) Are you taking any Antiphlogistics or Antifebriles? I answered "no" to everything and got my camera into position. Sure enough, minutes after we arrived at the gate, a team of officials wearing what looked like Bright, Blue Hazmat suits boarded the plane, videotaped each passenger and inspected everyone carefully. I'm pleased to say that I passed inspection with flying colors ... and was awarded a surgical mask for my troubles. That's more than I can say for the swine in seat #7D who kept knocking into my armrest. He passed inspection but, if you ask me, he looks like he's seen better days.
The crowd was abuzz at 7th and Montana yesterday at the arrival of a Mysterious Green Beret in our midst. I, for one, greeted the newcomer with open arms. Afterall, a little extra security never hurt anyone. The only problem is, beneath the Green Beret was a somewhat plump, elderly person who appeared, on closer inspection, to be working on a movie script. I hope there's a part for a Newspaper Thief.
It was a Taste of France at 7th and Montana this morning as Howard and Cathy regaled the crowd with stories of their recent trip to Paris. Hunter -- a.k.a. Frank O'Phile -- joined the crowd and, voila, faster than you can say Parlez-vous Francais, the whole table was speaking French. That is, except me. I smiled and nodded a lot. You see, I took Spanish instead of French in school. At the time, I remember thinking it was more practical. More countries speak Spanish than French and, even in the U.S. Spanish is more commonly spoken than French. But, let's face it, French sounds more dignified. Anyhow, after about 10 or 15 minutes, I finally decided it was time to clear the Frog in my throat. "You know," I said, "All this Pompidou and Champs Elysees is interesting, but I have to admit, for me it's like taking a long walk down the Avenue de la Ignoramus." Besides, who needs the Arc de Triomphe when you have Casa del Bozo ...!
Ladies and Gentlemen, we've "arrived"! A team of Valet Parkers in bright yellow vests made the scene at 7th and Montana this morning, intent on giving everyone the royal treatment. At first I thought Our Favorite Starbucks had finally come up with an alternative to the Parking Lot from Hell, but, alas, the Valets were just in the neighborhood for a Special Event. It was Grandparents Day at the Carlthorp School. I was fine with the extra traffic ... right up until the moment a van pulled up and the driver offered to shuttle me to the event. Oh well, I guess you're as young as you feel ...!
Shock waves rippled across 7th and Montana this morning as the Artist formerly known as Rigolatte for his tendency to stand in front of Our Favorite Starbucks belting out opera tunes proved once again just how versatile he is. Today he could be found pacing up and down 7th Street muttering to himself. "Yes, No, Maybe ... Yes, No, Maybe ... Yes, No, Maybe ...," he repeated over and over like a mantra. Pedestrians gave him a wide berth. One father scooped up his little girl and whisked her away faster than you can say "maniac." As for me, I say "Give the guy a break. We don't really think he's that dangerous, do we?!?" On second thought, "Yes, No, Maybe ...!"
Anyone who knows Barista Veronica knows she goes the extra mile at Our Favorite Starbucks ... but this morning she announced that she's going even further. On September 20th, she plans to run in the Maui Marathon to raise money for the AIDS Project Los Angeles, a nonprofit group in L.A. dedicated to improving the lives of people affected by HIV disease. Veronica, who has never run a marathon before, has just started training for the 26.2 mile race. Her goal -- as she says on her AIDS Marathon Home Page -- is to raise $5,000. You can donate on her home page ... but I'll check tomorrow whether she's also collecting cash donations in person. Good luck, Veronica!
The U.S. auto industry may be running out of gas, but that didn't stop a Precocious Toddler from making the rounds at 7th and Montana this morning in his very own "Smart Car." The only problem is, his Car was evidently a lot smarter than his parents. The Toddler's Mother seemed content to sit and sip her cappuccino while her son circled their table in an ever-expanding orbit that brought him perilously close to oncoming traffic. Jesus Chrysler, folks, what's the world coming to ...?!?
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