BATTER UP AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

                             

A Budding Entrepreneur made the scene at 7th and Montana this morning, intent on selling everyone copies of his very own book about baseball.  As he hopped from table-to-table, striking out all the way, his pitch became increasingly frenetic.  "You look like a baseball fan," he said to me, hopefully.  "Not especially," I replied, "Why do you ask?"  He went on to describe the book in riveting detail, positioning it as the ideal gift.  Failing all else, he finally said, "I'm telling you, this book is so good that if you give it to a Baseball Fan, they'll end up reading it in the bathroom and you'll never see them again."  Now that's what I call a "Foul Ball!"         

BOZO'S BIG TOP AT 7TH AND SAN VICENTE ...!

                             

Tongues were wagging across Santa Monica this morning on reports that the controversial new home under construction at 7th and San Vicente has been commissioned by none other than Bozo the Clown.  Indeed, signs of Bozo's handiwork became increasingly apparent today as workers put the finishing touches on a series of new additions to the Triple Decker Monstrosity, including:  (1) A Triangular Window facing San Vicente;  (2) A Stairway within a Stairway to Nowhere;  (3) A Wooden Appendage hanging over the front door;  (4) Walls which bend and curve like a Fun House Mirror and -- last but not least -- (5) Gaping Holes facing my bedroom.  For once, I hope the experts are right when they predict a crash in local real estate!   

CELEBRITIES IN "TRANSFORMATION ..."

                  

We're all used to seeing larger-than-life celebrities at 7th and Montana, but my experience at last night's premiere of Steven Spielberg's latest film, Transformers, takes the concept to new heights.  In place of the usual line-up of A-list celebrities, the stars on the red carpet -- and the main characters in the film -- were 200-foot tall Robots.  Inside sources tell me that work on the film was in many ways "liberating" given that inanimate objects don't expect much "celebrity treatment."  It must also have been more lucrative, given that the entire premise of the film is based on a set of toys you can buy from Hasbro which transform into cars and trucks you can buy from Chevy.  Despite the obvious commercialism, the film itself is a lot of fun and loaded with action.  The premiere was also larger-than-life, taking up four separate theaters in Westwood, followed by a party that occupied an entire city block.  The movie opens next week.

A DOG'S LIFE AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

                                  

They say "whatever Lola wants, Lola gets" but if she's not careful, Lola is going to get more than she bargained for at 7th and Montana.  Lola, my neighbor's pugnacious French Bulldog, has taken an obvious liking to the crowd at Starbucks.  The only problem is, Our Favorite Sheepdog Charlie sees Lola as breakfast.  He hates all French Bulldogs, without exception.  Will Lola pluck up the courage to return to 7th and Montana?  Will Charlie develop a sense of chivalry?  Will Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan show up with a camera crew?  Time will tell ...!

THE "TUNA NAZI" OF SUNSET STRIP ...!

    

Tempers were flaring today in what has become known throughout Hollywood as the Great Tuna War of 2007.  The battle lines were first drawn some months ago when my colleague, Lisa, tried to order a Tuna Melt at the quaint sidewalk cafe near our office on Sunset Strip.  "No," said the woman behind the counter.  "We cannot make you a Tuna Melt.  We do not serve Tuna Melts!"  Moments later, when I arrived on the scene, she smiled sweetly and said, "What will it be, sir, a Tuna Melt?"  Since then, this woman -- known to insiders simply as The Tuna Nazi -- has showered me with Tuna Melts while steadfastly refusing to make one for Lisa.  New evidence suggests that she also refuses to grill Lisa's Panini.  Poor Lisa ... I'm afraid she's heading for a Meltdown! 

DR. NATALIE, I PRESUME ...?!?

                             

Cheers erupted at 7th and Montana this morning as word spread that Dr. Natalie has just completed her residency and officially begins her new job at St. John's Medical Center in August.  Meanwhile, in another sign that the Koubek Clan is changing more than just diapers these days, Greg and Natalie confessed that they've been quietly frequenting the new Starbuck's at Lincoln and Montana.  Apparently, they've "defected" based on the fact that the new Starbucks is serving hot breakfast.  Hot breakfast sounds nice but I can't help wondering what's on the menu, Eggs Benedict Arnold?!?

ESCAPE TO SKOPELOS ...?!?

     

Our Friendly Neighborhood "Antagonist" made the scene at 7th and Montana this morning, armed with a handful of vitriolic quotes designed to fuel a racial debate.  While he passed around a sheet entitled "Hispanic Leaders Speak Out" -- chock full of anger and racism -- a number of us quietly planned an escape to Skopelos, a Greek island in the Aegean Sea, known for its beautiful beaches, caves and lack of hateful literature.  Genevieve, who visited the island last year, offered to help organize an Exodus ...!