MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCES AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

                             

Quick, call Rod Serling!  In what some insiders are calling "a mystery worthy of the Twilight Zone," a number of Baristas have been reported "missing" from Our Favorite Starbucks.  "I don't know what happened to them," said a source close to the situation.  "One minute they were there and the next minute -- 'Poof' -- they were gone.  It all happened sometime during the Renovation!"  Some say the missing employees were inadvertently "buried alive" when the new Splash Walls were installed.  Others fear that the Construction Crew somehow opened a Black Hole into a Parallel Universe.  Whatever the reason, several Baristas -- including Ramone and Jenny -- have vanished without a trace.  Their memory lingers on, but their names have been Quietly Removed from the "Starbucks Promise" that hangs over the Espresso Counter ...!

HELLO, HELENA ...!

                             

It was "Hello, Helena" this morning at 7th and Montana as Baby Helena made the scene, staying long enough to wave to the crowd before today's chilly, sub-65 degree temperatures -- and the promise of a Blueberry Muffin -- sent her inside.  Indeed, the cool breezes this morning made me wonder for a moment whether we were in Helena, Montana instead of Southern California.  Cathy -- who just returned from her winter sojourn in Vail -- set the record straight.  "It could be worse," she said, "We had 140 inches of snow in Vail this season ...!" 

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FROM HAIR TO ETERNITY AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

 

Tongues were wagging at 7th and Montana this morning as an Anonymous Grease Monkey made the scene, oozing an Unknown White Substance which clung to his hair and slowly dribbled down the back of his neck.  "Get a load of that," said Kathy, "It looks like he forgot to rinse his hair ... it's full of conditioner or something."  Genevieve and I briefly followed him into Starbucks, intent on identifying the Mystery Substance, but we faced an almost insurmountable obstacle.  How do you ask someone about their Unsightly Goop without appearing rude?  I considered asking, "Are you Gellin'?" or "Nothing beats Extra Cappuccino Foam, eh?," but decided against it.  In the end, the mystery was solved when the Grease Monkey slid out of Starbucks and into the Hair Salon across the street ...!

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AND TOTO, TOO ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

  

Head for the Hills, folks!  Elmira Gulch -- the Despicable Spinster from "The Wizard of Oz" -- is alive and well and living in Santa Monica.  She surfaced this morning at 7th and Montana just in time to catch Rita in the act of trying to help a Homeless Dog.  The fun began when Rita arrived on the scene with Riley, a homeless Pekinese she wants to adopt as a companion for Max, her Fearless Poodle.  While Max knows how to sit quietly outside and wait for Rita when she grabs her coffee, Poor Riley -- a newcomer to Our Favorite Starbucks -- threw a Conniption Fit the moment Rita disappeared.  He barked, He yelped, He dragged a chair across the sidewalk ... all of which prompted Rita to come running, empty handed, to his rescue.  I went inside to get Rita her Iced Vanilla Latte ... and came face-to-face with Miss Gulch.  "So, you're getting her coffee, are you?," she hissed.  "I tell you, what does Rita expect, bringing a Homeless Dog like that around here?!?  Does she actually think it will behave when she runs in for coffee?!?"  And with that, she glared in Rita's direction -- as if to say "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!" -- and flew out the door.

BACK IN BUSINESS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

   

Cheers erupted at 7th and Montana this morning as the marathon, three-day renovation at Our Favorite Starbucks came to an end.  Inside sources report that construction crews were working until the last minute, installing new lighting, doors, wall splashes, countertops and more.  Manager Gabe was still sweeping up debris when I walked in.  "Hmmm," said one Critical Observer, "The place hasn't really changed that much ... it looks a little more open."  Be that as it may, it's nice to know that some things don't change.  I couldn't help noticing, for example, that a solitary Apple Fritter remained in the Display Case.  Perhaps the Construction Crew worked around it ...!

STINKIN' LINCOLN STARBUCKS ...!

 

It was a Comedy of Errors this morning at the Starbucks at Lincoln and Montana as dozens of refugees from 7th Street were greeted by "the Cashier from Planet Xanax."  I first knew something was wrong on Monday when it took the Cashier-in-Question several minutes -- and a brief consultation with a colleague -- to calculate the change he owed me.  I had given him exact change.  While some say his elevator doesn't go all the way to the top, local experts have a different theory.  "Maybe he's high," joked Elevator Repairman Jeff.  Personally, I think he's just bored ... and who can blame him?  Nothing exciting seems to happen at Lincoln and Montana.  It was so quiet this morning, I found myself asking Jeff, "So, what's new in the world of Elevator Repair ...?!?"  Evidently, like everything else, it has its ups and downs ... 

"THE BIG DIG" AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

                             

"Quick, call the National Guard ... we're under attack!"  That was my first reaction after arriving at Our Favorite Starbucks last night to check on the status of the Big Renovation.  It looked like a bomb had gone off.  Rubble and trash were everywhere, the counters were askew and equipment was piled all over the place.  The door was open, so I poked my head in and tried to act nonchalant.  "I'll have a Grande Half Caff and the Los Angeles Times," I said to one of the Construction Workers, who merely laughed and gave me an update regarding work-in-progress.  They're adding new countertops, seating, wall panels, electrical outlets and additional lighting.  At the same time, they're also repainting the exterior and installing new doors.  The Jury is still out, however, regarding whether they can re-open on Thursday, as planned.  In related news, the Jury is also out for me, personally:  I was "dismissed" from Jury Duty yesterday after waiting all day at the L.A. County Superior Court ...!

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