FROM LAME´ TO LAME AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

                             

Heigh-Ho Silver, Away ... !  Eyes were popping at 7th and Montana this morning as the Lone Ranger of Fashion made the scene wearing a Shimmering Silver Skirt that appeared to be made of Aluminum Foil.  "Doesn't she look radiant?," I asked, breezing by on my way to the Condiments Bar.  Actually, on closer inspection, it looked as though she had taken a "NASA Space Blanket" and draped it around her torso.  Could she be another Astronaut on the Loose?  That, I suppose, "Depends" on her choice of undergarments ...!

THE "SECRET" AGENT ...!

                             

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet "The Secret Agent," a Top Hollywood Talent Agent working for one of the Big Agencies in town, representing a "who's who" of celebrities and pop stars.  Mr. Agent has been trying to meet with me for months.  Why?  Because he thinks he can convince my company to do "big deals" involving movie tie-ins.  Truth be told, we don't necessarily need "Mr. Agent" if we want to do one of these deals, but finally, after months of badgering, I agreed to "do lunch."  "Great," said Mr. Agent, "I'll set it up at Cafe Med!"  Our appointment was set for today.  I don't normally enjoy meeting with Agents but I must say, this meeting was better than most.  Perhaps it's because he didn't show up.  After keeping me waiting at the restaurant for 25 minutes, he called me on my cell phone.  "So sorry," he said, "I've been slammed.  I'm leaving the office now."  "Don't bother," I replied, "I just ordered the Halibut ... and I'm charging you a ten percent commission!"  "That's funny," he laughed, "Let's reschedule for next week."  I tentatively agreed, and suggested he work out the details with my Assistant.  Who knows ... By the time he realizes that I don't have an Assistant, I might be willing to reschedule ... just for the Halibut!

THE PAPER CHASE ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

                             

The Paper Chase was on at 7th and Montana this morning as a Local Newshound, known among insiders as "the Paper Pusher," made the scene.  Known for poring through the New York and Los Angeles newspapers each morning -- and leaving them outside, spread across his table when he leaves -- the Paper Pusher gives new meaning to the term Litter Bug, especially on windy mornings.  However, he's also doing a Good Deed ... if only we could find someone interested in reading his used newspapers before they scatter to the winds.  I know what you're thinking:  "This sounds like a job for "The Notorious Newspaper Thief!"  The only problem is, we scared the Newspaper Thief away for good last month by placing a "Wanted" poster -- complete with photos of him stealing newspapers from Our Favorite Starbucks -- on his Getaway Bike.  Now I feel guilty.  Like the Irresponsible Nincompoop who introduced Killer Bees to the Americas, I've upset a Delicate Ecosystem.  Just don't tell the Environmental Protection Agency ...!

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HELLO, BULGARIA ...!

                             

It was "Zbogom" -- which means "Goodbye" in Bulgarian -- for Neighbor Liz yesterday as she packed her bags and hit the road for an extended visit to Bulgaria.  Just how extended?  That depends on her Rowing Coach, who promised to give her a Rare, Insider's Taste of Bulgaria.  For her sake, I hope she doesn't end up tasting Shkembe Chorba, a Bulgarian national treat which, roughly translated, means "Tripe Soup."  A quick glimpse at the official Bulgaria News list of cultural activities suggests that Liz will be busy.  The site offers links to useful resources ranging from "Wonderland Bulgaria" to "Girls:  Very Young, 12-14 years."  Seriously, I'm sure Liz will have a great time and -- if not -- she can always row her way back to 7th and Montana ...!

A BICYCLE BUILT FOR THREE ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

                             

"Daisy, Daisy, Give me Your Answer, Do ..."  Actually, forget about Daisy.  The crowd at 7th and Montana went "half-crazy" yesterday at the sight of Malissa, Preston and Mission, all precariously perched on an impromptu Bicycle Built for Three.  The three of them -- two adults and a dog -- had somehow squeezed onto Malissa's one-seat bike and were pedaling their way to Our Favorite Starbucks.  "Now there's something you don't see every day," I said, as the Daring Trio arrived on the scene, "All that's missing is a high-wire!"  For her part, Malissa seemed to be in her element.  She was last seen pedaling North towards Casa del Bozo where, rumor has it, they keep a garage full of Unicycles ...!

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JUAN VALDEZ VISITS 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

    

Controversy was brewing this morning at Our Favorite Starbucks as a Dead Ringer for Juan Valdez made the scene.  Granted, Valdez, known the world over as "the public face of Columbian Coffee," is a fictitious character -- created by a New York advertising agency in the 1950's to sell more coffee -- but don't tell our Visitor.  He was having too much fun cavorting with the crowd, waving to passersby and picking the leaves off the neighborhood Eucalyptus Trees.  He was last seen hopping on a bus headed towards Pacific Palisades with a woman closely resembling Mama Celeste ...!

ARNOLDS GALORE ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

  

It was a parade of "Arnolds" this morning at 7th and Montana as not one but two high-profile Arnolds made the scene.  First came Actor Tom Arnold (or someone who looked exactly like him), who rushed into Our Favorite Starbucks at 9:00 and promptly wolfed down a Roast Beef Sandwich.  Moments later, Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger himself appeared, driving by on his way to church with his usual cadre of Not-so-Secret Servicemen in tow.  I lingered on the scene long enough to start a crossword puzzle with Kathy and Genevieve, but I admitted defeat rather quickly and headed home.  Sorry, gang, but I was getting hungry ... Just call me Benedict Arnold!