PEPTO BISMOL ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was a morning of Freebies at 7th and Montana today as Our Favorite Starbucks unveiled some Bold, New Menu Items. First-up was the Strawberry Banana Vivanno™ Smoothie (pictured above) -- a healthy drink combining a whole banana, strawberry puree and Starbucks' own special blend of whey protein and fiber powder. It looks just like Pepto Bismol. "Would you like some?," asked Barista David. "No thanks," I replied, "Are you sure it's not medicine?" Later, Manager Extraordinaire Gabe made the rounds with free samples of a new Cinnamon Scone. I declined, but Neighbor John readily accepted. "How do you like it?," asked Gabe. "It's OK," said John, and then, after Gabe walked away, he added, "It's dry and has a Very Disconcerting, Chemical Aftertaste." Not to worry, John, I know where you can get some Pepto Bismol ...!

NUTS TO YOU ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Warning: If you're one of the estimated 3 million Americans suffering from Tree Nut allergies, you'd best steer clear of 7th and Montana for a while. There's a new Tree Nut in town and something tells me he means business. He can be found most days at the corner of Ocean and San Vicente, dangling from an Australian Bottle Tree. He doesn't climb. He doesn't do chin-ups. He just hangs there, suspended in mid-air, like a semi-catatonic Tarzan. "Hmmm," I thought to myself when I saw him yesterday, "Is he blogworthy? Afterall, I don't want to give anyone the impression that our neighborhood is Chock Full O'Nuts." Then again, human interest stories like this don't exactly grow on trees. I guess it's like the good people at Peter Paul always say: "Sometimes you feel like a Nut, sometimes you don't ...!"

A DOG'S LIFE ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

The Dog Days of Summer came early at 7th and Montana this morning as word spread that Richard has booked a luxurious, three-day getaway for his beloved Polish Lowland Sheepdog, Charlie. For a few days next month, Charlie will be staying in his very own "penthouse" at the Rover Kennels, a posh animal care facility in Culver City where they strive to "make the world a happier place, one pet at a time." Charlie's penthouse will come complete with its own High-Definition TV playing a selection of "canine-friendly DVDs," a leather sofa, a luxurious dog bed and a state-of-the-art ventilation system that changes the air every six minutes. An onsite Doggie Spa features everything from a Hydrosurge Massage Bathing System to customized hydraulic tables. There's even an Espresso Bar and Art Gallery. I tell you, if this Pet Friendly Paradise doesn't cure Charlie's "separation anxiety," nothing will ...!

BAD CHILD CARE ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Hurry, Hurry, Hurry ... Step Right Up! Meet "Amber," the delightful tw0-year-old who toddled her way onto the scene at 7th and Montana this morning. Thrill at Amber's antics as she zips from table-to-table, unsupervised! Marvel at Amber's determination as she makes a bee-line for every dog in her path! Gape in amazement as she frolics dangerously close to oncoming traffic! Yes, indeed, her mother -- "Oblivia" (pictured below) -- must be one proud woman. Then, again, it's tough to tell. She was so engrossed in sending and receiving text messages on her cell phone this morning that she couldn't be bothered to watch her own daughter. Given her "addiction" to texting, perhaps she'll be among the first to receive an alert when her child goes missing ...

CZECH THIS OUT ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Tongues were wagging at 7th and Montana this morning as Neighbor Hunter announced that he and his wife, Camilla, are in the process of planning a fun-filled holiday in the Czech Republic. "We're off to Bohemia," he announced, "To soak in some beer." He meant that literally. They're planning a trip to the Chodovar Brewery, a spa in West Bohemia where patrons actually bathe in vats of beer. "What else do they do?," I asked, "Cover you in yeast and sprinkle hops on you?" Apparently, the answer is "yes." Promotional literature suggests that guests at Chodovar "luxuriate" in a combination of beer, mineral water, yeast and hops ... all mixed together. Somewhere, I'm certain, there's a Czech version of Madge -- the ubiquitous manicurist from the 1970s Palmolive television commercials -- who smiles at each guest as they arrive and announces, "You're soaking in it!" Inside sources claim the "beer treatment" is "very good for the skin and hair." Sure, but does it cure what ales you ...?!?

EDITORIAL FEEDBACK ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was Judgement Day for my blog this morning at 7th and Montana as Kathy and Genevieve made the scene with some editorial advice for me. "We need to talk," said Kathy, "It's about your Blog." "What's up?," I asked, playing dumb. "Well, you're making the whole neighborhood look strange," she continued, "Enough with the Wikipedia of the Weird. Can't you balance things out with some normal stories?" "Hold that thought ... duty calls," I said. An Anonymous Clodhopper walked in the door wearing an Upside Down Visor. "Seriously," Kathy continued, "You've been missing some good Human Interest Items, lately." We were interrupted again, this time by Barista Tyler. "Yoo Hoo," he yelled from behind the Espresso Machine, "You're missing a Big Story: I only shaved half my face today!" "Not again," I snapped, "I told you last time, that's only blogworthy when you let it grow for another few weeks." I turned back to Kathy and Genevieve. "I'll tell you what," I said, "I'll add some more normalcy into my blog, starting today." Here goes:

Shock waves rippled across 7th and Montana this morning as Kathy (pictured above) unveiled a bold, new hairdo. "It's called a Brazilian Blowout," she explained, "If I'd known about this, I would have done it years ago!" The secret, experts say, is in the conditioning agent. Stylists use a special, formaldehyde-free formulation to smooth the hair, leaving it with plenty of volume and body. "You leave the salon with beautiful, frizz-free hair with amazing shine," say the experts at PremiumGradeHair.com. Kathy will be sporting her new "do" tomorrow in Denver at the International Society for the Study of Subtle Energy Medicine, where she is launching her new Trinfinity 8 Algorithmic Anti-Aging Technology. Good luck, Kathy!

In related news, Rigolatte (pictured below) -- the Local Loon known for spontaneously bursting into song at the drop of a hat -- startled the crowd this morning with a new addition to his repertoire. He sang three back-to-back renditions of the Hallelujah Chorus and giggled for no apparent reason between each one. Now that's what I call Human Interest!

MOTHER KNOWS BEST ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was a morning of surprises at 7th and Montana today as an Anonymous Matron (pictured below) made the scene pushing a Baby Carriage. At first I assumed, based on her careful, deliberate movements, that her bundle of joy was fast asleep ... but boy was I in for a shock. It turned out she was wheeling around a large block of Styrofoam. "Mamma Mia!," I muttered, "I sure hope she didn't give birth to that." On the other hand, how many parents do you know who can call their child a chip off the old block and really mean it ...?