STOPPING TRAFFIC ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Eyes were popping at 7th and Montana this morning as an Anonymous Motorist stopped her truck in the middle of road, popped her hood open and started performing a few repairs. "Sheesh," said Bob, "What's she doing, changing her spark plugs?!?" In the end, she just performed a few minor repairs and continued chugging her way down 7th Street. I guess it could have been worse ... she could have given herself a Lube Job ...!

A JOB CANDIDATE ... IN HOLLYWOOD

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet "the Sloth," a job candidate who showed up on the doorstep of Capitol Records in Hollywood yesterday with just enough gumption to get out of bed, but not enough to really pound the pavement. I overheard him yesterday trying to convince a security guard to let him in. "I'm here for a job," the Sloth explained, "Can you just send me on upstairs? I want to be a big time record producer." "Well," said the guard, "You don't seem to be on my list here ... do you have an appointment?" "No. Do I need one?," the Sloth replied. "I can't let you upstairs if you're not on the list," said the guard. "But you don't understand," said the Sloth, "I want you guys to hire me!" Thus far, I was in the Sloth's corner, but wait until you hear what happened next. "Have you tried submitting a resume?," asked the guard. "What's a resume?," asked the Sloth. "Well, it's a document that lists your experience," replied the guard. "Why the hell would I need something like that," said the Sloth, "I've got talent and that's all I need." "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't help you," said the guard, "Why don't you just send in a resume?" "Could you create one for me?," asked the Sloth, "I'm really kind of busy today but I trust you to do a good job for me ... just make sure you mention how talented I am." That security guard had the patience of Job. Maybe he can moonlight as a Job counselor ...!

FROM RUSSIA WITH LOATHE ... !

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet the Rushin' Russian, the scourge of American Flight #1563 from Los Angeles to San Francisco. He spent the one-hour flight rushing around like a chipmunk with Attention Deficit Disorder. He twitched; He stretched; He opened and closed the window shade again and again; He continuously crossed and uncrossed his legs; He counted his Rubles over and over; and last but not least, he slurped his tomato juice, then dribbled it all over his fake lizard skin sport coat. If you ever find yourself sitting next to him in a plane, I have just one word for you: Nyet!

A HUNTING WE WILL GO ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was Hunting Season at 7th and Montana this morning as a group of children made the scene on a Scavenger Hunt. Evidently, one of the clues required them to get a lid from a Starbucks coffee cup. From Starbucks, they continued on down Montana in search of various other clues. That's what I love about Our Favorite Starbucks. You never know what you'll find. Why just last week, FBI officials found the Notorious Mafia Crime Boss, Whitey Bulger, hiding out several blocks away. Bulger -- wanted for 19 counts of murder, racketeering, extortion, money laundering, conspiracy and drug dealing -- was living in a rent-controlled apartment (pictured below) with a stockpile of ammunition and more than $800,000 hidden in the walls. Who knows, maybe the Scavenger Kids will find Jimmy Hoffa ...!

A LAUGH RIOT ... AT STARBUCKS IN VANCOUVER!

"To protect and serve coffee" ... that must be the motto of the Vancouver Police, at least where Starbucks is concerned. A squad car filled with police officers made the scene yesterday at the Starbucks near my hotel, and they didn't waste any time ordering-up a round of cappuccinos. There was a 1:1 ratio of police officers to locals. "Wow," I said, "I guess we're all pretty safe in here!" The officers were wearing bullet-proof vests and carrying firearms. "You bet," said a local who was sitting at the next table, "Someone has to keep Starbucks safe." "What a riot!," I replied, a little too loudly. The officers looked in my direction. I guess Vancouver's finest isn't laughing these days when they hear the word 'riot' ...!

ONE FOR THE ROAD ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Eureka ... My corporate hosts here in Vancouver discovered a perfect way to save time by combining dinner and desert into one convenient delicacy: Sushi Ice Cream Cones! I sampled one -- raw tuna in a mini-maple waffle cone -- which was the perfect complement to a quick through Gastown. And that's exactly what I'm doing this morning -- taking a stroll through the city's historic Gastown district before hitting the road ...!

THE BLACK FROG ...

My sister and brother-in-law, who love Vancouver, gave me a list of things to see here but, unfortunately, I've spent most of my time in meeting rooms. Yesterday, I slipped away long enough to cover one of the items on their list: The Black Frog, Gastown's monument to a good time. A famous, local pub, the Black Frog promotes itself as "Vancouver's friendliest place to grab a bite." I guess they must cater primarily to frogs. From the moment I walked in, I was surrounded by a swarm of flies so thick I could barely make my way to the bar. I'm sure it's a great place, but after a while the fly-to-human ratio had me running for cover. I guess they need a few more frogs to balance it out ...!