WIGGING OUT ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It's that time of year at 7th and Montana. Birds are singing in the trees, the scent of jasmine fills the air, and Tommy Toupee -- known for his avant-garde collection of synthetic hair pieces -- made the scene at Our Favorite Starbucks yesterday sporting a new look. He swapped out his winter, two-toned toupee for a short and sassy spring model. His new 'do met with rave reviews. "I like it," said Richard, "It's much more realistic than his usual look." Stay tuned for further updates: Something tells me this guy's collection of wigs stretches from hair to eternity ...!

EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

There was Trouble in Paradise this morning at 7th and Montana as the man standing in front of me in line (pictured above) let me in on a terrible secret. "He doesn't like me," he said, pointing at an empty table. "He doesn't like me one bit." "I'm sorry to hear that," I said. "It's the strangest thing," he continued, "The guy who was sitting there a few minutes ago ... every time he sees me, he gets up and leaves." Truth be told, I knew who he was talking about, a regular at Our Favorite Starbucks who had just walked out the door. "Are you saying that for no reason whatsoever, that guy just gets up and leaves every time he sees you?," I asked. "Yes," he said, "and I don't even know him." "Hmmm," I replied, "Look on the bright side ... at least you know you'll always be able to get a table!"

FREE US FROM THE PRIUS ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Cheers erupted at 7th and Montana this morning as the Prius from Hell (CA License #6F0V067) that has been partially blocking the entrance to Our Favorite Starbucks for the past few days, finally disappeared. The owner, who was either oblivious or obnoxious, had taken to treating the Red Zone like her own, private parking space. "What's she trying to do, create a Slalom Course?," I asked, as one driver after another swerved around her car. As for what finally motivated her to leave, let's just say that GOrequest -- the new iPhone application that lets you report all kinds of issues to the City at the push of a button -- is just the ticket ...!

LIGHTS, CAMERA, THIEVERY ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

The Notorious Neighborhood Newspaper Thief, known for stealing copies of The New York Times and The Los Angeles Times when he thinks no one is looking, was caught red-handed today. Not only that, he was caught on film by Producer Robb, who was kind enough to create a video of the entire incident. Thanks to Robb, you, too, can be a witness as the Thief cases the joint (2 seconds into the video), tries to fake us out by reaching for a stack of "used" newspapers (6 seconds in) and then, at the last-minute, snatches a fresh copy of today's newspaper and runs out the door as fast as his spindly legs can carry him (40 seconds in). In between, there's plenty of excitement as an Innocent Bystander gets suspicious of Robb and his camera (15 seconds in) and a Stray Ass fills the screen (at the 31-second mark). Thanks for the video, Robb, and keep up the Good Work ...!

GOOD VERSUS EVIL ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was a battle of Good versus Evil at 7th and Montana this weekend as a Mischievious Imp tried to smuggle Weapons of Mass Destruction into our midst. "Oh look," I said to myself as the Imp walked by hoisting a wooden rifle, "It's Baby's First Uzi." But have no fear, an Adorable Young Tyke dressed as Batman made the scene, intent on protecting everyone from harm. Unfortunately, he took one look at me and my Spycam and flew away like a bat out of Hell ...!

MEET PATTY OF PATTY'S PIZZA ...!

It was a sad day in Santa Monica as word spread today that Patty's Pizza -- a local institution known for its good food and friendly service -- is shutting its doors and moving its "take and bake" pizza business entirely online, leaving the building across from Our Favorite Starbucks virtually empty. "The slice business just doesn't pay the rent anymore," said Patty, an entrepreneur who has been doing business at 7th and Montana since 1991, "I had to move everything online." And who can blame her? If you're a small business owner in Santa Monica these days, half your profit goes into taxes. Add to that the Astronomical Rent you would owe the Infamous Schnooks who own the "Patty's Building" and there's not a lot of dough left for Pizza or anything else. You can slice the numbers any way you want, but all you'd end up with is a recipe for disaster ... a business more flat than a Pizza Margherita. The good news is, you can still get Patty's by ordering online. Just register, build your pizza by choosing the size and toppings you want, enter where and when you want the pizza delivered and -- voila -- you're in business. And so is Patty. Patty's Pizza is also available at Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, Bristol Farms and Gelsons.

CREATIVE JUICES ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA

The Creative Juices were flowing at 7th and Montana this morning as Ace Photographer Kovar announced an exhibit of his work on Monday night from 6:00-9:00 p.m. at Salon Nesou (1914 Wilshire); The Screenwriter Brothers scored a positive review for their new movie Cop Out in today's Los Angeles Times; and word spread that Kathy has auditioned to be a contestant on "Wheel of Fortune." Not to be outdone, the Local Loon known as Rigolatte -- famous for locking himself in the men's room at Our Favorite Starbucks and belting out opera tunes for hours on end -- appeared to be auditioning for a role of his own this morning. His heated monologue seemed sure to land him a part in the highly-anticipated Sci Fi spin-off, "Babble-On 5: Men in White Coats."