POLITICS, POLITICS ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA

The Mayor of Crazyville made the scene this morning at 7th and Montana, and -- like any good politician these days -- he was in "full campaign mode."  He sported a black crash helmet, a cell phone and a chip on his shoulder the size of Mount Vesuvius.  "How many times do I have to tell you," he erupted, "I have more than six bodies buried in my basement!"  "That," I muttered, "Might explain the stench."  He marched over to a trash can, pulled off the lid and stuck his head inside.  "I left something in here last night for safe keeping!" he cried.  No doubt it was his sanity.  By now he had everyone's full attention.  He opened the door to Our Favorite Starbucks, leaned his head in and screamed enough anti-Semitic slurs to make Mel Gibson blush.  "YOU!," he shouted, "ALL OF YOU ... YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF COUNTERFEITERS, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!"  And that's when the trouble began.  He took two steps towards Screenwriter Mark ... and that was two steps too many.  Mark picked up an empty chair, ran over to the Mayor and threatened to hit him over the head with it.  "You'd better get out of here," Mark warned, "The police are on their way!"  "POLICE?!?," the Mayor cried, "I'll have you know I AM the Police.  I'm on the f-cking LAPD!"  "Great," said Mark, "Then say 'hello' to your buddies."  Several police officers appeared out of nowhere and started walking in the Mayor's direction.  The Mayor hopped on his bike and peddled up 7th Street as fast as his spindly legs could carry him ... but he didn't get far.  Another group of officers was waiting for him at Alta.  He was last heard screaming, "I have my rights, you know!"  Don't we all.  Election Day will be here before you know it, and something tells me the Mayor needs your support ...!