It was Hats Off to the Mysterious Newcomer at 7th and Montana this morning for effortlessly defying my attempts to guess his true identity. Certainly, he was a Villain, with his Broad-Brimmed Black Hat, Dark Sunglasses, Black Attire and Cowboy Boots. But where had I seen him before? Was it Nightmare on Elm Street? The Matrix? Scooby Doo Meets Dracula? It wasn't until much later in the day, when I showed his photo to my colleague, Chuck, that it all became clear. "He's from The X-Files," said Chuck, "He's one of the Men in Black." "Of course," I replied, gratefully, "I knew it would be something like that!" According to the X-Files Rogue Gallery, the Men in Black are masters of deception, "adept at silencing witnesses" and distilling "their own version of the truth to those they visit." Thank God I kept my distance. Something tells me that otherwise, by the time this Evildoer was through with me, I'd be drinking my Apple Fritters through a straw ...!
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