TO CATCH A THIEF ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Extra, Extra ... Read All About It: The Notorious Neighborhood Newspaper Thief -- known for stealing copies of The Los Angeles Times from Our Favorite Starbucks -- has been foiled again ... and this time I had nothing to do with it! In what insiders are calling a "shrewd redecorating maneuver," Manager Extraordinaire Gabe has moved the newspaper display away from the doorway to a new and more strategic position, right near the Cash Register and just a stone's throw away from the Apple Fritters. If that doesn't keep the Newspaper Thief away, nothing will ...!

CURSES, FOILED AGAIN ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

My nose for news pulled double-duty this morning at 7th and Montana as I not once, but twice, caught the Notorious Newspaper Thief in the act of doing what he does best: Trying to steal copies of The New York Times and The Los Angeles Times from Our Favorite Starbucks. The fun began at 8:39 a.m., when the Newspaper Thief quietly made his entrance. He looked around -- as if to case the joint -- then inched his way to the newspaper display. Just when he started reaching for the newspapers, I held my camera aloft, pointed it in his direction and smiled. He recoiled, as usual, and fled the scene ... but I knew he'd be back for more. Indeed, he returned at 10:15 but I was ready for him. This time, he took one look at me and knew the jig was up. He avoided the newspaper display altogether and, instead, began fishing through the trash in a desperate effort to piece together the morning news. Seriously, if he's that interested in the news, I would have been more than happy to share today's top headline with him: "Local Shoplifter Caught in the Act: Another Burglary Bungled ...!"

HAVE CAMERA PHONE, WILL TRAVEL ...!

It was a Duel at Forty Paces yesterday at 7th and Montana as The Notorious Newspaper Thief, known for stealing The Los Angeles Times from Our Favorite Starbucks, made the mistake of crossing my path, once again. We both entered Starbucks at the same time. He used the entrance on Montana. I took 7th Street. He looked at me. I looked at him. He snarled and reached for the Newspaper Bin. I smiled and whipped out my Camera Phone. I fired the first shot. "I have a Zoom Lens, you know!," I cried. He recoiled, backed away from the newspapers and ran out the door as fast as his spindly legs could carry him. Let this be a lesson to criminals everywhere: The Camera Phone is mightier than the Sword ...!