Ladies
and Gentlemen, meet the Sugar Mama, a local loon without equal at 7th
and Montana. Actually, she has lots of
Equal … and that’s just the problem.
Every morning, she makes a beeline for the artificial sweetener and
Equal is her brand of choice. She doesn’t
just put it in her coffee. She stuffs packets
of it – one after another – into her mouth and eats them whole, wrapper and
all. Sometimes she’ll down more than
seven packets in a single sitting.
“You’ve got to admire her technique,” I said, “She somehow manages to
chomp all that paper – together with the artificial sweetener -- without making
a single sound.” Here’s how she does
it: She folds the packets into tiny
squares, then quickly pops them into her mouth and nibbles like crazy. “That’s one way to get your fiber,” said
Joyce. Some say she puts the sugar in
meshugenah, but I say to each their own.
If she wants to make an aspartame of herself, that’s her business …!
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