Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
It was a quiet morning at 7th and Montana today. In fact, it was almost too quiet. The sun was shining, people were smiling and, wherever you turned, the conversation was flowing as freely as the coffee. "This is unacceptable," I muttered after nearly eight minutes, "Someone, for the love of God, do something Zany!" And then, there it was, like a bolt out of the blue, Deliverance. An Anonymous Hillbilly made the scene carrying a bag of garbage in one hand and hoisting a guitar over his shoulder with the other. "Cover me, I'm going in for a close-up," I announced. "Be careful," warned Joyce, "He might use that guitar as a weapon." Seriously, what's the world coming to when we have to live in fear of Deadly Guitars? What's next, Dueling Banjos ...?!?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Heads were turning and stomachs were churning at 7th and Montana this morning as an "Illustrated Man" made the scene, covered in some of the most unusual tattoos I've ever seen. My favorite, pictured above, was the image of what looked like an Anorexic Woman smoking a cigarette running down the back of his left leg. I wonder what would happen if we called the City of Santa Monica's No Smoking Hotline on him ...!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
- The man-in-question was evidently homeless. His identity has not yet been released;
- Police discovered him late last night, very much alive, loitering around Starbucks. They asked him to leave;
- The death was discovered at approximately 11:30 this morning by a Mysterious Newcomer, known among insiders as "The Loon" for his tendency to honk like a Canadian Goose at bicyclists and skateboarders;
- "The Loon" (pictured below) brought the corpse to the attention of workers at the nearby Montana West Hair Salon, prompting one Brave Hair Stylist to hold a mirror in front of the man's mouth to see if he was breathing. He wasn't;
- The Hair Stylist called the police at approximately 11:45; They responded within minutes.
- The Coroner -- a woman in her mid-thirties -- arrived approximately 30-minutes later to investigate; She removed the body at precisely 1:04 p.m.
- Inside sources report that "The Loon" claims he knew the deceased and that the man had only just been released from a nearby hospital after suffering from a serious ailment.
If you ask me, this last bit of information is the most tragic. If true, it suggests that health care practitioners quite possibly turned a homeless man out on the street yesterday to die. That he died at the Bus Stop at 7th and Montana, in full view of the Hoi Palloi at Our Favorite Starbucks, is the Ultimate Indignity.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
- On Digital Photography: "It's crap. Pure crap. But if that's what my clients want, that's what they'll get."
- On Television: "Why would anyone watch that garbage? I chucked mine out the window years ago. Why do you need it, anyway, when you have the radio?"
- On Facebook: "I deleted everyone. What the hell do I care if someone else is walking down the street or whatever? And why would I want to know what all their lame friends are doing, too?!?"
Congratulations on your purchase, Kovar! What next, a Horseless Carriage?!?