Monday, June 25, 2012


As the European economy falters, some say the Euro doesn't have a prayer.  Maybe that's why the Portuguese put their faith in a bank that's really "too big to fail," the only financial institution on Earth that answers to a higher authority, the Banco Espirito Santo.  "Yikes," I said passing a woman withdrawing some money, "Is that an ATM or a confessional?"  I watched closely, determined to see whether the machine dispensed Eucharists or Euros, but in the end I guess it doesn't really matter.  Between the media scandals surrounding the Vatican and the current state of the Portuguese economy, one wonders whether either stands a Holy Ghost of a chance ...!

Saturday, June 23, 2012


I made it safe and sound to Portugal yesterday, where I'm spending some time with friends before a week of meetings in Lisbon.  My friends have a home by the beach in Estoril, about 30-minutes from Lisbon.  Estoril, the Western-most point in Europe, is steeped in history.  Its location on the Atlantic and its ideal climate have made it a perfect location over the years for "occupation" and you can still see traces of its Phoenician, Roman and Arab past on the streets.  During World War II, the area was known as a center for "spies and diplomatic secrecy."  Because the country was neutral during World War II, German and Allied Forces alike used Estoril as a base of operations.  The casino here inspired Ian Flemming's first James Bond novel, Casino Royale.  Other than that, it's a lot like Santa Monica, minus the loons.  I haven't seen any Starbucks yet, but stay tuned ...!

Thursday, June 21, 2012


It was the ultimate in Canine Humiliation at 7th and Montana last weekend as a pampered poodle made the scene dressed – with all due respect to clowns everywhere – like a refugee from Bozo’s Big Top.  It had a bright pink head, florescent green puff ball feet, a purple tail and appeared to be wearing a Nehru jacket.  "Only in Hollywood," I said as it pranced by, gazing at its reflection in a shop window.  No doubt it's all dolled-up for an audition.  I hear they're casting for the lead in a remake of that canine classic "Rin Tin Tint."  And if that doesn't work out, rumor has it they're looking for a sidekick in the latest Bruce Willis sequel, "Dye Hard with a Vengeance."

Sunday, June 17, 2012


There's still no sign of "Lulu," the cat who went AWOL near Our Favorite Starbucks last week, but I nearly called Animal Rescue at the sight of an attractive blond woman who made the scene wearing a pair of boots that resembled Persian Cats.  "Meowsa," said one witness, "I guess she's dressed for the catwalk."  As for the Baristas, they looked like they weren't sure whether to give her a cup of coffee or a dish of Fancy Feast for her boots.  I quietly whipped out my Spycam ... and that -- my friends -- was a big mistake.  The Flash inadvertently went off and one-by-one everyone looked in my direction.  I knew I had to act fast, or risk getting a furry boot in the behind.  I decided to blame the Spycam.  "Stupid Smart Phone," I muttered, shaking it for good measure, "I guess it needs a re-boot ...!" 

Saturday, June 16, 2012


It was a cat-a-strophe of epic proportions this week at 7th and Montana as an Unfortunate Newcomer mounted a desperate search for her missing cat, a black and gray tabby named Lulu.  She posted a sign offering a $1,000 reward for any information leading to Lulu's return, but the sign itself disappeared one day later.  That's because a Crusty Curmudgeon pulled up in a White Geo Metro, whipped out an Exacto Knife and ripped the sign away faster than you can say "Grinch."  I called him on it.  "Can I assume the cat has been found?," I asked.  "No," he hissed, "But these signs are unacceptable.  If we allow one, we have to allow them all and before you know it ..."  "There won't be any lost pets?," I interrupted.  "It's unsightly," he barked.  Clearly, this guy had a major Pet Peeve.  "What if it was your cat," I asked, "Wouldn't you want it returned?"  But he just jumped back into his car and slammed the door.  "What's the matter?," I called, "Cat got your tongue?!?"  Lulu was last seen on Saturday near the corner of 16th and Georgina wearing a green collar.  

Thursday, June 14, 2012


The crowd welcomed two new visitors at 7th and Montana yesterday ... and, no, they weren't loons.  Fellow Bloggers Beth and Ken, from Nutwood Junction and Bucko's World respectively, made the scene from Indiana.  Their visit -- the culmination of a road trip across Route 66 -- went off without a hitch ... that is, until they reached Our Favorite Starbucks.  There wasn't a Loon in sight.  As if to spite me, Rigolatte, known for belting out Opera tunes from a perch in the Men's Room, walked by giggling three minutes before Beth and Ken arrived.  "Wait!," I yelled, "Come Back!"  But it was no use.  Beth and Ken, determined to put their Spycams to good use, had to resort to desperate measures.  Ken snuck up behind me, snapped a surprise photo and posted it to Facebook on-the-spot.  "Ha, Ha," chuckled Beth, "You've been hoisted on your own petard!"  And indeed, I felt petarded.  Thanks, Beth and Ken, for a nice visit!

Monday, June 11, 2012


In case anyone missed it, there appears to be a Trapeze School operating just south of Our Favorite Starbucks, at 7th and Wilshire, next to the space that became too "cozy" for the custom couch people who flew the coop during the recession.  I understand it's an aerial studio, operated by the same Trapeze School of New York that gives classes at the Santa Monica Pier.  I don't know how long they've been operating on 7th Street, but I, for one, am tempted to sign-up.  As "Wally Wallenda," of course ...!

Sunday, June 10, 2012


It was a taste of Southern Charm at 7th and Montana yesterday as fellow Blogger Sonya made the scene from Tennessee.  To be honest, I was a bit nervous when I heard that she would be visiting Our Favorite Starbucks.  Not that I was in any way apprehensive about meeting Sonya, but -- heaven help us -- I was afraid 7th and Montana would be a Loon-Free Zone during her visit.  "Just watch," I said, "It'll be like that classic Looney Tunes episode with Michigan J. Frog, the cartoon frog who sings Ragtime Favorites when no one's really looking and then -- when he has an audience -- he just croaks like any other frog."  But, of course, those fears were unfounded.  Within minutes, Sonya called my attention to a Japanese tourist at the table next to ours.  "Looks like you have some competition," she said.  The tourist, a young woman in her mid-twenties, was snapping pictures at an alarming rate.  She also looked like she'd been caught in an explosion at the "Hello Kitty" factory.  Moments later, Rigolatte -- known for locking himself in the restroom at Our Favorite Starbucks and belting out Opera Tunes for hours on end -- wandered by muttering incoherently.  As for Sonya, she took it all in stride.  You can read her version of our encounter here:  The Mellow Pages.  Meanwhile, stay tuned.  More surprise visitors are making their way to 7th and Montana 'even as we speak' ...! 

Saturday, June 9, 2012


Everything was Duckie at 7th and Montana this morning as an Anonymous Birdbrain made the scene wearing a brightly colored Duck Mask.  But that was nothing.  He also wore a pair of underwear over his skin-tight Lycra running pants.  "Aside from the obvious, he looks kind of normal," said Gen.  Who knows, maybe he was on quack ...!

Monday, June 4, 2012


It was Bottoms Up at 7th and Montana this morning as word spread that a brand, new Fashion Victim was caught at the supermarket wearing a smile ... from one end of her butt to the other.  Let me be blunt:  She wore Smiley Face underpants beneath a translucent, yellow skirt.  Some say she had Sh--t for brains, but I can't help thinking there's a method to her madness.  What better way to hide cellulite than to disguise it as dimples ...?

Sunday, June 3, 2012


It was a Rated X afternoon yesterday at Palisades Park:  'X for eXciting'; 'X for eXtra skin' and 'X for eXcuse me, Xavier, something's not quite right' as an anonymous eXhibitionist ripped off her shirt and eXposed oncoming traffic to a brief but eXtensive view of her breasts.  She quickly dropped to the ground for cover, intent on getting some sun on her back, but an eXpectant crowd gathered nearby, waiting for her to roll over.  As for me, I'd seen enough.  I know when to make an eXit ...!