ONE LUMP OR TWO ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet the Sugar Mama, a local loon without equal at 7^th and Montana.  Actually, she has lots of Equal … and that’s just the problem.  Every morning, she makes a beeline for the artificial sweetener and Equal is her brand of choice.  She doesn’t just put it in her coffee.  She stuffs packets of it – one after another – into her mouth and eats them whole, wrapper and all.  Sometimes she’ll down more than seven packets in a single sitting.  “You’ve got to admire her technique,” I said, “She somehow manages to chomp all that paper – together with the artificial sweetener -- without making a single sound.”  Here’s how she does it:  She folds the packets into tiny squares, then quickly pops them into her mouth and nibbles like crazy.  “That’s one way to get your fiber,” said Joyce.  Some say she puts the sugar in meshugenah, but I say to each their own.  If she wants to make an aspartame of herself, that’s her business …!