THE LATEST "DUTCH TREAT" ...!

Whoever said "Candy is Dandy, but Liquor is Quicker" has never been to the Netherlands.  Leave it to the Dutch to come up with "Wine Gums," a new taste sensation that presumably offers a cross between gummy bears and vintage wine.  The sheer variety of colors suggests that Wine Gums come in an assortment of flavors ranging from Merlot to Chardonnay!  

SHMENDRIK AT 30,000 FEET ...!

You can run, but you can't hide from the Shmendriks of this world.  There I was, minding my own business on United Flight #946 to Amsterdam when they guy sitting next to me quietly stole my "amenity" kit (the little package they give you with a toothbrush and etc.).  Naturally, my response was to "snap" at him as I took photo after photo of him trying to make a quick getaway.  I have half a mind to report him to the authorities at Schiphol Airport!

SCHOOL DAZE AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

Class was in session yesterday at 7th and Montana as Genevieve shared the latest lessons she's learned at the School of Hard Knocks, where she evidently teaches.  Bureaucrats continue to make her life difficult.  Hang in there Genevieve.  Meanwhile, Quinn has found the Quintessential new job teaching Second Grade at Roosevelt.  Congratulations, Quinn!  

STARBUCKING THE TREND ...!

"Hi Neighbor ... We look forward to serving you very soon."  That was the sign adorning the new Starbucks in progress at Lincoln and Montana.  Given that Starbucks employees speak their own tongue, an insider gave me the following translation: "Greetings, Earth Peon ... We are taking over.  If you resist, we will roast you like a coffee bean and serve you up to some unsuspecting chump.  Have a nice day!"

MANY HAPPY RETURNS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Despite today's cool temperatures, it was a warm welcome back for a Perfectly Toasted Howard who made the scene this morning with Cathy, Zoey and a Perfectly Toasted Bagel.  Welcome Back, Howard!  Fabrizio, meanwhile, is counting the hours until Terry returns from Africa.  According to Fabrizio, Terry returns in "several hours" (meaning Monday).  Popular consensus is that Fabrizio is running low on provisions ...!

ACHES & PAINS FOR ALL OCCASIONS ...!

The early morning shift at 7th and Montana today went from chronic to moronic as a table full of bellyachers complained loudly about every conceivable ache and pain.  I beat a hasty retreat ... but not before Dennis informed me that our "Noteworthy Newcomer" seems to be suffering from an illness of another kind.  Dennis, who had an opportunity to read through the "mystery notebook," says it is filled with maniacal ramblings ...

INVESTIGATIVE REPORT: OUR FAVORITE BUILDING MANAGER

Don't file a "missing persons report" just yet.  Casual inquiries at 7th and Montana suggest that Our Favorite Building Manager has moved on to greener pastures, though no one seems to know exactly what pastures would be greener than sitting at Starbucks all day.  Something tells me he'll resurface with a vengeance ...!

MISSING: BUILDING MANAGER

It suddenly occured to me this morning that Our Favorite Building Manager has been Missing in Action lately.  If he's off on another secret mission, I hope it doesn't involve jumping out of airplanes or crashing yachts off the coast of Sardinia.  Stay tuned for further updates ...!

NOTEWORTHY NEWCOMER AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

Chances are, if you've made the scene at 7th and Montana recently, you've taken note of a mysterious newcomer who has been quietly taking notes of his own every morning.  Am I alone in finding his behavior suspicious?  What will he do next, snap secret photographs while we sip our coffee?  As the attached photo clearly suggests, he was at it again this morning.  I, for one, am outraged at this potential invasion of privacy ...! 

A STAR IS PORN ...

Had someone told me a week ago that I'd be widely quoted regarding the future of adult entertainment, I'd have wondered what they were smoking.  But lo and behold, articles about what some are calling hi-def "PornGate" are appearing everywhere.  Here are a few:  Fox News, High-Def Digest, TV Predictions.com, and  Stereophile.  Evidently, it's a touchy subject ...!

THE PIDDLE REPORT

Many of you have been clamoring for an update on the famous Piddle King, the man who can barely contain himself on the journey from his office to the men's room at 9229 Sunset.  Mr. Piddle has been mysteriously absent lately, despite numerous attempts by the County Sheriff's office to serve him with papers.  I don't know exactly what kind of papers they're serving, but I hope they're super absorbent ...!

DOUBLE-DIPPING AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

It was a Double Dose of caffeine for me this morning at 7th and Montana as I made the Starbuck's pilgrimage twice:  Once to order my usual grande half-caff and again to correct another "newbie" mistake.  Evidently, they tried to slip me a "tall" instead of a "grande."  Just as I was leaving, Richard was gearing-up to ask our latest homeless friend to extinguish his cigarette ...!

IT'S HER MUCK-LUCKY DAY ...!

It was a Muck-Lucky Day for our very own "Miss Frozen Tundra" as this week's freak weather conditions finally cooperated with her wintry wardrobe.  After months of trudging through 80-degree temperatures in her Muck Lucks, Our New Neighbor has finally been vindicated based on reports of snow in Malibu and Westwood.  In an exclusive interview, Miss Tundra merely replied, "UGG!"

THEY MISSED A FEW SPOTS ...!

The good news is that road crews quickly finished paving 7th street.  The bad news is that they missed a few spots.  Inexplicably, they left unfinished spots on the street in front of several locations including:  The Taj Ma Tara (#2);  Our Favorite Fixer Upper (#3) and Starbucks.  Maybe they ran out of asphalt ...?!? 

DISNEY ON ICE ...

It was Disney (along with Fox, Warner Bros. and everyone else) on Ice yesterday as ice cold conditions continued here in Austin.  Finally, conditions thawed enough for our hosts at Dell to treat us to an evening of Blues on the town.  Let's hope the thaw continues long enough for everyone to get home after the meetings are over ...!

LOST IN AUSTIN ...!

The good news is that I made it safe and sound to Austin in time for my "industry pow wow."  The bad news is that I'm one of the only ones here and my meeting for today was cancelled.  Icy conditions (see photo from my hotel) left dozens of colleagues stranded across the country while I cool my heels in an empty meeting room.  Now I know why they call Texas the "Lone" Star State ...!

SMILE AND SAY "CHEEZ" ...!

No one aboard Southwest Flight #1693 to Austin today could identify the cuisine in our "Travel Snacks" box.  Even the Flight Attendant (pictured here) was at a loss to explain whether she was serving up "Cheese" or "Cheez" (see Photo #2).  The packaging itself was cryptic:  "Tasty Treats Served Up with a Little LUV."  I, for one, am complaining to the Big Cheez!

PAVING THE WAY FOR PROGRESS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

If the Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions, Satan must be hanging around Starbucks these days.  Whoever decided to repave 7th Street (despite the fact that it didn't need it) no doubt had good intentions, but the arrival today of an asphalt brigade seemed downright sadistic.  On the other hand, if we're lucky, maybe they'll fix the entry to Our Favorite Parking Lot!

DENNIS' NEMESIS HITS 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

I had the pleasure of seeing -- but not meeting -- Dennis' nemesis this morning at Starbucks.  Dennis, who seemed so engrossed in conversation he could barely say "hello," later commented that his "friend" was a bit unsavory.  Evidently, he literally wanted to kill Dennis 30 years ago but later found his calling in the Adult Entertainment field.  Who is this mystery person?  My lips are sealed!

PROGRESS ON 7TH STREET ...!

Tar-nation, there's a lot of "progress" on 7th Street!  It seems that in the brief time I was gone this week, someone -- we think it was Arnold -- decided to rip up and repave 7th Street.  Moreover, as if inspired by all this roadwork, construction of the new house at 7th and San Vicente has accelerated and the skeleton of a building has appeared almost overnight!

CES: INNOVATIONS GALORE ...!

There was no end to the innovations unveiled at this year's Consumer Electronics Show but I think the real award should go to the nincompoop who tried to crash the annual Digital Entertainment Group (DEG) party by forging his own tickets (see forgery to the right in the attached photo).  Could it be that the DEG group is becoming more popular, or was he just after our lavish gift bag filled with DVDs ...?!?

IS IT COFFEE OR A FASHION STATEMENT ...?!?

"Get your mitts off my coffee!"  That seemed to be the message at 7th and Montana yesterday as 50-degree temperatures led Bob and Joyce to take the gloves off -- figuratively speaking -- and put them on their coffee cups.  Yes, the latest fashion statement at 7th and Montana seems to be gloves for your coffee.  What next, sweaters on a Perfectly Toasted Bagel ...?!?

CLEAN UP YOUR ACT, THE BEGLEY WAY ...!

There I was, shopping for a few last-minute odds and ends before hitting the CES show, when what should I stumble across in the supermarket but a whole line of cleaning products endorsed by none other than Ed Begley Jr.  Called "Begley's Best," the cleaning solvent evidently works wonders on glass surfaces.  Ed:  Something tells me your agent better clean up his act ...!

SPREADING THE LOVE AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

"Will you be my Valentine?"  That was the question at 7th and Montana today as Starbucks unveiled its line of Valentine's Day gifts a month-and -a-half before the Big Day.  And why not?  The promotion of holidays weeks or months in advance has become the Hallmark of a successful Starbucks marketing campaign.  Let's just hope they don't take a page out of Hallmark's book and start inventing their own holidays!

A NATIONAL DAY OF MOURNING ...

It was a national day of mourning today as Deidrichs officially closed its doors at Lincoln and Montana.  The notice posted at the once venerable cafe -- "Thank You for Your Loyalty" --was signed by many heartbroken locals.  Deidrichs, which started in 1916 when Charlotte Deidrich inherited a coffee plantation, had 35 locations.  Starbucks is shutting them all down.  On a cheery note, we can now expect business to pick up at 7th and Montana!

FROM VENTE TO VENTING ON NEW YEARS DAY ...!

Not that I'm impatient, but the wait this morning for my Grande Drip seemed longer than usual, given that only one cashier was working (while other employees seemed to be gabbing up a storm).  To make matters worse, there was enough cigarette smoke floating around Starbucks to ignite a perfectly toasted bagel.  Come on, Gabriel, blow your horn, blow the whistle or just plain blow this popsicle stand ...!