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Cheers erupted at 7th and Montana yesterday as an Anonymous Motorist circled the block in a pimped-out Bunny Mobile. The vintage, bright pink and purple Cadillac -- complete with tail fins and faux rocket boosters -- looked like something Peter Cottontail might use to cruise Sunset Strip. "Now that's what I call an Easter Parade," said one witness. Some say the driver, who drove past Our Favorite Starbucks twice, was just looking for attention, but I think his repeat visits were entirely appropriate. It was, after all, a day for Second Comings ...
Ladies and Gentlemen, meet the Fool on the Hill, an anonymous musician who made the scene at 7th and Montana this morning with a message for us all and a medley of Beatles tunes in his heart. "Help!," I said, "Looks like this one has a John Lennon fixation." He rode in on a van festooned with conspiracy theories about John Lennon's death and carried signs promising to reveal the Truth. "So," I asked him as he strummed his guitar and sang an off-key rendition of 'All You Need is Love,' "What's with the Magical Mystery Tour?" "We're all Satanic," he cried, "You're Satanic; I'm Satanic; We're all a bunch of blood-sucking, Satanic vampires attracted to a vortex of Evil!" I glanced briefly at the pastry case and considered his theory, then backed away quietly. Sometimes it's best to just Let it Be ...
It's a jungle out there, folks, and if you don't believe me, just ask the pair of Stone Lions that made the scene this morning in front of Our Favorite Starbucks. I wasn't there for the mane event, but rumor has it a very confused delivery man was circling the block all morning looking for the lost Library of Alexandria. He was close, but no cigars. The parchment in Alexandria went up in flames more than 2,000 years ago. The parchment at 7th and Montana has been cleverly protected for years in its own, special display case ...
Eyes were popping at 7th and Montana this morning as an Anonymous Wing-nut made the scene wearing a pair of wings and a fuzzy halo. The Wing-nut, an attractive young woman in her early twenties, breezed into Starbucks during the morning rush, flitted briefly around the pastry case like an Angel of Mercy, then disappeared faster than you can say Morning Bun. Some say she was heaven sent, but I know the real truth: She's just another escapee from the Aviary at 7th and Margarita ...!
Quick, call National Geographic: A new species of Loon made the scene at 7th and Montana yesterday and this time it's one for the history books. Meet Loonius Montanicus, a particularly noteworthy specimen characterized by its green stripes, crossed eyes and peculiar taste in pastry. "You look a little green around the gills," I said, "Let me guess, Maple Scone?" "No," mumbled the Loon, "Cake Pop." And there you have it. Only a Loon of stupendous proportions would take such a risk ...!
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