People have been asking lately, "Who is this martygord?" and, since we're among friends here, who am I to disappoint? I'm really just a simple man who likes the simple things in life. After a brief stint -- several years -- in jail, I went to the dentist for a few root canals without novocaine. You see, as a recovering drug addict, I eschew pain killers of any kind. Oh -- I almost forgot -- I'm also a widower. My wife hung herself from the rafters last night. I could go on sharing a million little details of my life, but in the interest of time let me refer you to my new bestseller: "My Life Only More Marketable." Available wherever fine books are sold. Seriously, way to go Oprah for throwing the book at author James Frey. The crowd at 7th and Montana applauds you!