THE CAPTAIN AND SCHLEMIEL ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we successfully scared away another German tourist at 7th and Montana yesterday ... and all it took was a little song and dance from Rigolatte. The fun began when Rigolatte -- known for locking himself in the men's room at Our Favorite Starbucks and belting out opera tunes for hours on end -- started singing a medley of '70s hits. You haven't lived until you've heard him crooning his own version of "Love Will Keep us Together" to a container of Soy Milk. "Ach," said the tourist, standing behind me in line, "We don't get entertainment like that back home!" I looked at him quizzically and said, "I'm sure I don't know what you mean." "That guy over there," he said, pointing at Rigolatte, who by now was busy stuffing his pockets full of artificial sweetener. "Is there something unusual about him?," I asked, then corrected myself. "Oh, I see what you mean. Good God, he's wearing white shoes after Labor Day!"