EXPRESS LINE?... AT PAVILIONS

Don't you just hate it when someone tries to sneak a huge cartful of groceries through the "Express Line" at the supermarket? It happened to me this morning at Pavilions and I finally decided to do something about it. The fun began when I noticed a woman with a completely full cart at the end of the line. "Excuse me," I said, politely, "Are you waiting in the Express Line?" "You bet I am!," she said defiantly, as if daring me to comment on the fact that she had at least 25 items in her cart. I smiled and got in line behind her, but the more I thought about it, the more irritated I got. By the time she advanced to the check-out, I had formulated a plan. I decided to count out each item as she placed it on the conveyor belt, in the kind of exaggerated, 'gee-I'm-learning-my-numbers' voice one might hear on Sesame Street. "Oooooone!" ... "Twooooooo!" ... "Threeeeeee," I went on and on as she unloaded breadsticks, toiletpaper and various other items. She glared at me. I then changed tactics and instead of calling out each number, I just hummed each syllable, sort of like the teacher in the old Charlie Brown cartoons. "Mmmmm-Mmmmmm-Mmmmmm," I said when she reached 23. She was so irritated that she grabbed a handful of candies and added them to her order at the last-minute just to spite me. I machine-gunned my reply: Mmmm .... Mmmmm .... Mmmmm ... Mmmmm ... and so on. I'm sure she was hoping I'd shut-up, but when you get right down to it, what good is an Express Line if you can't Express yourself!