FARE THEE WELL, L.A. BOOK FAIR ...

Dennis regaled us with stories today from this weekend's L.A. Book Fair, where he rubbed shoulders with some of the country's top literary experts.  While Dennis gave a somewhat high-brow report, emphasizing all he learned about the influence of retailers on the publishing world, Kovar quickly brought the discussion down-to-earth with one, unanswered question:  "Was Larry Flynt there?"

FROM COFFEE KLATSCH TO CHARITY BASH AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

Robin will trade in her cappuccino for champagne tonight as she heads to yet another charity event in Beverly Hills, this one promoting literacy.  There seem to be so many of these fundraisers lately, I wouldn't be surprised if they make "Banquet Chicken" the new, official bird of Beverly Hills.  Have a ball, Robin ... !

LIVING ON THE EDGE AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Genevieve moved her table dangerously close to the Curb from Hell this morning in what onlookers described as a bid to "live on the edge" at 7th and Montana.  If she seemed a bit edgier than usual, no doubt it was the result of yet another incident requiring a security guard to remove a student from her classroom yesterday.  Evidently, the young scholar in question took the phrase "running with scissors" a bit too seriously ...!

DINNER IS SERVED ... THE TRUTH IS REVEALED!

More than two weeks ago, I posed a challenge:  Whoever could identify the Mystery Dinner I endured while visiting my parents in Sarasota would win a "Big Surprise."  Guesses ranged from Ghoulish to Goulash and Fricassee to Feces ... but no one got it right.  The correct answer, surprisingly enough, is:  Vegetable Pasta ...! 

LET THERE BE BLIGHT ...!

The plot thickened today in what locals are calling "the case of the missing greenery" at 555 7th Street.  While residents of this desirable craftsman home have finally decided to landscape their yard, a sizable patch at the corner of 7th and Alta seems to defy even the greenest of thumbs.  Said one area resident, "I think we're talking about unhallowed ground here ...!"

FROM FERAL TO FEROCIOUS IN PALISADES PARK ...

Fur was flying in Palisades Park this morning on news that Greg and Natalie's eccentric neighbor -- known throughout Santa Monica as "the Crazy Cat Lady" -- is undergoing some corrective surgery.  Best known for feeding feral felines, the Cat Lady has for years defied local authorities who claim she's inadvertently serving up a "Fancy Feast" to all kinds of rodents.  Let's all hope for a speedy recovery! 

INVASION OF THE NEANDERTHALS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

What does Adorable Baby Alex (#1) have in common with Irascible Sheepdog Charlie (#2)?  They're both going through what experts call their Neanderthal Phase, that's what!  While in Alex's case, the condition -- characterized by minor squawking on arrival at 7th and Montana -- seems temporary, Charlie seems a bit more set in his ways.  Rumor has it that Charlie simply turned up his nose at Richard's latest training efforts!

LEAVE IT TO KATHY ...!

Leave it to Kathy to stumble across one of the neighborhood's more intriguing celebrity encounters.  After noticing "something familiar" about her friend's new beau, she learned that he is none other than Jerry Mathers of 50's sitcom Leave It To Beaver fame.  Fortunately, inside sources report that Jerry has outgrown his resemblance to a Beaver.  What next, Kathy, a double date with Lumpy Rutherford?

HAVE YOUR CELL PHONE CALL MY CELL PHONE ...!

Thanks to new advances in mobile technology, it's getting harder and harder to tell the cell phone addicts who mutter into hidden headsets apart from babbling psychopaths.  Take, for example, the couple who arrived on the scene this morning at 7th and Montana.  Were they talking to each other, were they on separate wavelengths or are they just plain crazy ...?!?

GREAT JEWELRY HEISTS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

It's "Lights, Camera, Bling-Bling" for Our Favorite Photographer Kovar, whose latest assignment requires that he "prove" his ability to photograph jewelry.  While gem-meister Cara (#2) seems happy to oblige, maybe Kovar should take a page from Leslie's (#3) book.  Hours before her appearance at the Oscars, Leslie made the rounds among the jewelers on Rodeo Drive and scored more than $100,000 worth of jewelry on loan!

RAINDROPS KEEP FALLING ON OUR HEADS ...

Nearly everyone had the good sense to come in from the rain at Starbucks this morning.  Everyone, that is, except one lone diehard who quietly sipped a cappuccino on the sidewalk while the rest of us huddled inside.  Between the recent rain, freak wind conditions and hail, I'm starting to wonder what to expect next.  Frogs?  Locusts?  Building Managers?

SCHOOL DAZE ...?

In case you were wondering how students in Santa Monica have been coping with this week's terrible tragedy at Virginia Tech -- where demented student Seung-Hui Cho went on a killing spree leaving 33 dead -- Our Favorite Schoolmarm Genevieve has the scoop.  Evidently, some in her class seem to understand Cho all-too-well and one even mimicked his gun-slinging technique.  What's the world coming to?!?

SHE'LL POKE HER EYE OUT ...!

Another multi-tasking commuter took her -- and my -- life in her hands this morning as she tooled down Sunset and merged onto the 405 while applying mascara all the while.  As this photo suggests, the cement truck beside her didn't seem to phase her any, either.  Nor did she notice my camera.  All I can say is, if you see a blue Acura (CA License #5TRH478), give her a wide berth!

ALAS, POOR CORAL TREE, I KNEW HIM WELL ...

Another Coral Tree bit the dust on San Vicente this week, a victim of recent freakish wind conditions across L.A.  The tree in question has been lying prone for days on the median strip between Carmelina and Anita.  The Coral Trees along San Vicente Blvd. are an official city monument but when they topple over, they're more like a monumental pain in the neck!

A "MASON DIXON LINE" AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...?

Imagine my surprise today as a mysterious newcomer -- closely resembling a Confederate soldier -- approached me at 7th and Montana and asked, "What's new?"  I fought the impulse to tell him that General Sherman took Vicksburg and, instead, beat a hasty retreat into Starbucks, where new signage says "Giving is Gratitude."  I doubt Starbucks intended that we give the "confederacy" outside a break, but perhaps one is in order ...

BOUNCING BABIES AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

It was Baby Central at Our Favorite Starbucks this morning as both Gregs made the scene in full "Mr. Mom" mode.  While Baby Helena seemed perfectly snug in her sling, Hudson enjoyed dangling upside down.  It was Bouncing Babies of another kind for Bob and Joyce who just returned from Colin's birthday party at the Bouncing Palace, where 39 four-year-olds bounced off the walls before indulging in pizza!

FLIPPER FLIPS HER AND FLIPS OUT ...!

I always knew Kathy was quite a catch, but evidently she's particularly attractive to Dolphins.  Some years ago, while swimming in a Dolphin tank, Kathy was dragged underwater by a "horny adolescent Dolphin" who tried to mate with her before urinating in her face.  Today, she avoids Dolphin tanks in favor of something equally fishy:  Pole Dancing lessons.  Let's hope there are no fishing poles involved! 

DRIVEN TO DISTRACTION ON WILSHIRE BLVD ...

Horns were honking and traffic was snarled this morning at Wilshire and Westwood as a delightful damsel in a Ford Taurus (pictured here) decided it was more important to apply her makeup than drive her car.  As for me, I slowed down long enough to roll down my window and say "Smile, You're on Candid Camera!" 

NEVER SAY DIET IN HOLLYWOOD ...

Just when I thought I'd seen everything in L.A., I stumbled across a new diet trend while lunching at the Trimana Cafe on Sunset.  Right near the sandwich counter, nestled amidst the deserts, was a box of cookies designed to help you lose weight.  The so-called Hollywood Cookie Diet encourages folks to "eat a cookie ... skip a meal."  What next, the Colonel Sanders Workout Video?

BOBBY AND THE BARISTA ...!

Our Favorite City Councilman cut Nada to the quick this week in a tongue-in-cheek War of Words.  The fun began when Nada started telling her life story, only to be interrupted as Bobby S. passed by and said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah ... and then everyone realized that you were the smartest of them all."  Nada responded, "One day you'll beg me for your vote!"  I guess it's true what they say:  The Barista always gets the last laugh!

UPDATE: OUR LOCAL MONSTROSITY ...!

Is it my imagination, or has the monstrosity under construction at 7th and San Vicente metastasized into something sinister?  Almost overnight, gaping holes have emerged on the side facing my bedroom.  With my luck, they'll become windows.  Who designed this place, anyway ... Frank Lloyd Wrong?!? 

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS ...!

I enjoyed a sweet and sour return to Santa Monica yesterday as a nice neighbor -- by the corner of 7th and Marguerita -- offered freebie lemons to passersby.  "FREE from our TREE:  Take Some, Leave Some" read the sign posted by a bunch of lemons on the lawn.  While I couldn't bring myself to pluck lemons off the ground, I made a cheerful deposit of my own by throwing a lime into the mix!

SMOKING IN SPACE ...!

No ifs ands or butts ... Florida officials have come up with an innovative way to treat smokers at Tampa International Airport.  While the airport has created what they call an "Outdoor Smoking Lounge," it's essentially just an open-air cage suspended precariously above the departure zone.  For smokers, it must be a drag in more ways than one!

A FLAT DRIVE ACROSS THE PENINSULA ...!

Over the river and through the woods -- and across an extremely monotonous stretch of highway -- to Grandmother's house we go!  Today we made the trek across Florida from Sarasota to Delray Beach.  After four hours of driving across a flat highway, everything started to look the same.  Still, I must say I was surprised at the resemblance between the state penitentiary (#2) and my grandmother's retirement complex (#3)!

DINNER IS SERVED ... BUT WHAT IS IT?!?

My family warned me about the restaurant at their Clubhouse, but we ate there anyway last night.  Apparently, there's a certain minimum amount residents have to spend here and my parents haven't reached the limit yet.  After carefully choosing what appeared to be the safest dish on the menu, I was served the meal pictured here.  Anyone care to identify it?  First prize winner gets a Big Surprise!

HELLO SARASOTA ...!

I made it safe and sound to Sarasota, where I'm visiting my parents at their new condo in "Stoneybrook Estates."  Today I saw their complex (#1-4), their pet cat Ginger (#5), their neighborhood alligator "Big Al" (#6), Sarasota Bay (#7), Casey Key (#8) and the North Jetty (#9).  Stay tuned for continuing coverage as we drive West to Delray Beach!

ON CALL AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Kathy arrived on the scene earlier than usual today at 7th and Montana, as she was "on call" for duty at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.  If I understand correctly, a doctor friend of hers offered to let her watch while he cuts someone open.  Let's hope she didn't get called into action this afternoon, when nearly every police officer in town was "on call" to create traffic detours in honor of President Bush's visit!

GOING TO THE DOGS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

Inside sources report that it was a Dog Day Afternoon yesterday as a swarm of police officers descended upon Palisades Park, issuing citations for every dog without a license.  According to Richard, Our Favorite Sheepdog Charlie is in-the-clear, but many of his friends are in the doghouse!

EASTER PARADE AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

So much for the separation of church and state at 7th and Montana:  Our Favorite Starbucks has kicked-off a veritable parade of plush chicks, fluffy bunnies and assorted other pink and yellow merchandise just in time for Easter.  Far be it from me to criticize, but I didn't notice any unleavened bread in the pastry case ...! 

COMINGS AND GOINGS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

It was a changing of the guard today at 7th and Montana as I returned just in time to wish Howard and Cathy bon voyage.  The Stones departed today for a "whistle stop tour" including stops in Charlotte, Nashville, Atlanta and Austin.  Happy trails, Howard and Cathy!