WHAT A BOOB ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet "The Schlub," an unscrupulous nerr-do-well who threw caution -- and his shirt -- to the wind at Our Favorite Starbucks this weekend. Granted, 7th and Montana isn't far from the beach, but people just don't go around shirtless. Not since Boobs Mahoney has there been such a blatant and disgusting display of what some people like to call Moobs. For the record: Man + Boobs = Moobs.

THE BOSSMAN COMETH ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Heads were turning -- if not rolling -- this morning at 7th and Montana as a pair of Worker-Bees got a surprise visit from their Boss. "Oh, no," one of them yelled, trying to duck under their table, "It can't be, it just can't be ...!" I looked at him, astonished and he explained, "I just spotted our boss and he's heading this way." "It's still early," I explained, "The workday hasn't even started yet, don't worry!" Moments later, a Black Porsche pulled-up and out popped "the Boss," an unassuming British Gentlemen who looked like he was trying to play the part of a Hollywood Mogul. "Howdy, mates," he said, "Fancy meeting you here." "We were just discussing work," said one of the employees, turning to me for support. "You betcha," I chimed-in, "Work, work, work ... that's all these guys were talking about. You're lucky to have a pair of employees like this." As I left, I couldn't help overhearing the Boss explain that layoffs were afoot in several "field offices." No wonder they were trying to lay low ...!

A NEW KIND OF GAS GUZZLER ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Make way for the Queasy Rider: Robb surprised the crowd at 7th and Montana this morning by arriving on a motorcycle. "Wow!," I shouted, "I didn't know you rode!" "I've had it for a couple of years now," Robb said, "Every time I ride it, I'm reminded of how much easier it is to get through traffic." I'm sure Robb saves a bundle on Gas, too. His License Plate reads: I POOTED. As for the engine, I hear it's silent but deadly ...!

THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL BEGINS -- OR ENDS -- AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was "politics, politics" at 7th and Montana this morning as Our Favorite City Councilman -- pictured above at last year's Democratic National Convention with Sis, Maria -- addressed growing speculation that he'll run for California State Attorney General next year. "So what's it going to be?," I asked, "Are you running?" "Well, I'm seriously considering it," he said, "But at the moment I'm sort of leaning against it." The fact is, Bobby just had a baby recently and the prospect of all that time away from home isn't necessarily appealing. "Tell you what," I said, "If you throw your hat into the ring, I'll be your 7th and Montana Campaign Manager." "Right," he laughed, "If I lose this Starbucks it will be all your fault!" I didn't have the heart to tell him that the last candidate who made me his "Starbucks Precinct Manager" suffered a humiliating defeat three years ago in his bid for State Assembly.

ON OLDEN POND ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Eyes were popping at 7th and Montana this morning as a Dead Ringer for "Norman," the Henry Fonda character in the Academy Award winning movie On Golden Pond made the scene. "The resemblance is uncanny," I said, as he walked by with his grandson -- otherwise known locally as Tyrannosaurus Boy -- in tow. What's an "Old Poop" like Norman doing at Our Favorite Starbucks? The same thing as me, I guess: Watching the Loons ...!

DELIVERANCE ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was a quiet morning at 7th and Montana today. In fact, it was almost too quiet. The sun was shining, people were smiling and, wherever you turned, the conversation was flowing as freely as the coffee. "This is unacceptable," I muttered after nearly eight minutes, "Someone, for the love of God, do something Zany!" And then, there it was, like a bolt out of the blue, Deliverance. An Anonymous Hillbilly made the scene carrying a bag of garbage in one hand and hoisting a guitar over his shoulder with the other. "Cover me, I'm going in for a close-up," I announced. "Be careful," warned Joyce, "He might use that guitar as a weapon." Seriously, what's the world coming to when we have to live in fear of Deadly Guitars? What's next, Dueling Banjos ...?!?

TAX SEASON ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It's tax season, folks, and you know what that means: "The Accountant," known for spreading out his clients' personal files all over Our Favorite Starbucks, is up to his eyeballs in paperwork. What this guy lacks in office space, he makes up for in Chutzpah ...!