There was Trouble in River City this morning as Neighbor Mel spread the word regarding the latest atrocity at Our Favorite Starbucks. "They refuse to get a toaster in there," he said, "Other Starbucks have toasters ... but this one, no. They claim it's because they don't have the capacity to plug anything else in. Now we all have to eat untoasted bagels!" Oh, the suffering! In related news, the man sitting at the next table over -- a Local Loon known for his tendency to screech incoherently (pictured below, right) -- shared some problems of his own. "I thought I was toast," he shouted, launching into his life story, "There I was, training in the Air Force, when I fell out of a whirlybird, head first. Thank God my head hit the asphalt instead of something harder. Would you believe it took them three years at the air force hospital to pick the pieces of asphalt out of my scalp?" All I can say is, I hope they served him toasted bagels ...!