Saturday, May 5, 2012
BITTER HOMES AND GARDENS ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!
It was a collective cry of "Eureeeka" this morning at 7th and Montana as word spread of a surprising, new discovery: The local residence otherwise known as Casa del Bozo for its topsy-turvy twists and turns will be featured tomorrow in a special home tour of Santa Monica. "Can it be?," I asked, "Is this some sort of joke?" Local real estate agents assure me it's all true. They've even broken out the Real Estate Dictionary to prepare some carefully-worded answers to commonly asked questions:
Q: The home seems to be rusting before our very eyes. Those brown streaks running from top to bottom, isn't that rust?!?
A: Heavens, no. It's weathering.
Q: I see. Then what's with the mottled, brown sheet metal exterior on the third floor?
A: It's called Character, my friend. Come, take a closer look. You've had your tetanus shots, haven't you?
Q: I think so. While we're on the topic, why would someone paint their home such a blindingly bright shade of Perriwinkle Blue?
A: Ahh, you noticed. It makes a bold statement, eh?
Q: I'll say! Is it safe to get closer? The house seems a bit unbalanced and lopsided with all those twists and turns.
A: Don't think of it as "unbalanced," think of it as a sort of Architectural Scoliosis." We in the industry like to call it the Weeble Home. Trust me, it might Wobble, but it won't fall down!
Q: Isn't that a shame. I'm sorry, I can't go on with the tour any further. Just looking at this place is enough to drive me batty.
A: Then have no fear, my friend, you've come to the right place!