Friday, February 8, 2013
FROM RUSSIA WITH LOATHE ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!
It was high finance at 7th and Montana yesterday as an Anonymous Wheeler Dealer made the scene pitching a once-in-a-lifetime investment opportunity. The deal-maker, a Russian woman in her mid-fifties, wore a black cape, a fur boa, dark sunglasses and skin-tight, snakeskin pants. She took a seat in the corner, whipped out her cell phone and started cursing in the kind of deep, heavily accented voice usually reserved for enemy spies in a James Bond movie. "Nyet, Nyet, Nyet," she said, before switching to English, "F-ck, F-ck, F-ck!" She dialed a number and turned on the charm. "Daaahlink," she began, "I'm calling from my Los Angeles office and do I have an opportunity for you. Qualcomm is in. This will be big, I tell you. It's global. It's the biggest thing I've seen in a while and, just so you know, I used to run Compaq. Let me put you in touch with my colleague in Vienna ..." Just for kicks, I sidled a bit closer and started loudly ordering coffee drinks. "Lucrative!" she shouted, "I'm only offering this to a chosen few!" At that moment, as if on cue, the toilet flushed and Rigolatte -- the local loon known for belting out opera tunes for hours on end -- emerged from the rest room, yodeling as he walked by. I'm not sure whether the Wheeler-Dealer closed her deal, but one thing's for sure, now we know who put the bull in the bull market ...!