FASHION ADVICE ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

After years of providing unsolicited "fashion advice" at 7th and Montana, I finally got some of my own this morning. The Guru, known for knowing everything, made a beeline for my table and said, "I just want to tell you something: You look so much better than usual today." I let that sink in for a few seconds, then turned to him and said, "Why thanks. I take it I normally look -- err -- like complete shit!" "I wouldn't put it that way," he said, "But you look better than usual." Truth be told, I was dressed pretty much as usual -- sport coat, gray slacks and a mock turtleneck -- but I listened intently as the Guru went on. "It's so important," he said, "To define your look. Take me, for instance ... my Turban is much more than a fashion statement." "Really?," I asked. "Oh, yes," he went on, "Without it I might scare people. Let me demonstrate." And with that, he ripped off his turban, exposing masses of greasy, white hair which hung limply on either side of his head, almost to my table. "Nonsense," I lied, "I'm surprised the news media aren't following you around!" I meant that last part. He bore an uncanny resemblance to a certain, notorious resident of Corcoran State Prison who's currently up for parole ...