THE YEAR IN REVIEW ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was out with the old and in with the new this morning at 7th and Montana as Manager Extraordinaire Gabe rang in the New Year by removing Starbucks' Ubiquitous Holiday Decorations. I must admit, while the Wreath (pictured above) made quite an impact on me, I'm not sorry to see it go. Then, again, we've all had our share of hits and misses in 2008. Here's my take on the year-in-review at 7th and Montana:

1. In the world of Fashion, trends ranged from the Bizarre (including a woman wearing a NASA Space Blanket on May 31, a Unabomber on September 28 and an American Gladiator on February 9) to the Unreal (including a Half-Naked Granny on April 6; a Yankee Doodle Dandy on September 2 and a man wearing Pink Pantaloons on August 10). Honorable mentions go to the "Boy Named Sue," who made the scene wearing a pair of Perky Strap-on Breasts on September 24 and "Mary, Mary Quite Contrary" who grew a garden in her hair on February 3.
2. In Celebrity News, a host of A-Listers made the scene, including Demi Moore (on March 7), Reese Witherspoon (on August 24), Courtney Cox (on October 28), and a pair of Arnolds, Tom and Schwarzenegger (on May 25). Actually, the Governator swings by on most Sundays on his way to church but only lingers when Sophia, the Australian Bearded Dragon, is around. An honorable mention goes to Harrison Ford, who reportedly refuses to wait even a minute for a cup of coffee. Let's hope he switches to decaff in '09.
3. In Local News, a Veritable Asylum of Colorful Characters flocked to 7th and Montana this year, starting with the Jittery Nutcase, who terrorized the neighborhood in April and May, throwing hot chocolate at anyone who got in his way. Then there was the Bulgarian Vulgarian who spent much of July plotting to take over Our Favorite Starbucks (starting with the fruit display), right up until the moment the Police dragged her away. A new kind of Superhero, Captain Underpants, made the scene on August 1, performing Yoga on the sidewalk while wearing underpants on his head; and, on November 21, an All-Seeing Guru resembling the Ayatolla Khomeini announced that all the answers to life's most perplexing questions can be found in the lyrics of the Bee Gees. Honorable mentions go to the Crazy Cat Lady, a woman with a chip the size of a Tabby Cat on her shoulder, and the "Basket Case," a man who made the scene in July, throwing plastic baskets onto 7th Street while promoting his very own movie.
4. Crime did not pay this year at 7th and Montana. Just ask the Notorious Neighborhood Newspaper Thief, who was caught in the act on numerous occasions. The Bank Robbery on May 10 was equally unsuccessful. Rumor has it that the Robber-in-Question -- apprehended moments after the "big heist" -- was only armed with a Smiley Face on a piece of paper, which he promptly handed over to Police.
5. It was an eventful year in Barista-land. Robb -- an endless source of energy and information at 7th and Montana -- "retired" on October 4. Nada celebrated her 10th anniversary with Starbucks on September 30. Tyler was discovered in Goose Egg Park taking Martial Arts lessons with a Tai-Chi Champion on July 13th; and an unknown assailant hurled a chocolate cupcake at Julie on September 17.
6. In the Animal Kingdom, shock waves rippled across 7th and Montana on June 3 as word spread that everyone's favorite Bichone Frise, Einstein, checked into rehab. Sophia, our favorite Australian Bearded Dragon, gave birth to a batch of Unfertilized Eggs on March 17th, fell ill on September 9 and rebounded, renewed and refreshed, on September 11. Toby, Our Favorite Cocker Spaniel, passed away after many happy years with Genevieve.
7. Casa del Bozo -- the architectural monstrosity at the corner of 7th and San Vicente -- officially opened its doors on March 19th, complete with walls that twist and turn like funhouse mirrors and rust that dribbles down the Southwest facade.
8. Kathy hit the jackpot on national television on August 13, winning $26,000 on the popular new game show, Catch 21.
9. Charity began at home this year, with local efforts aimed at helping underprivileged school children in the L.A. area. On July 5th, Our Favorite Starbucks unveiled a Book Drive to help kids at the Miramonte Elementary School, a low-income school in South L.A. Even more impressive, Neighbor Mike, who founded the View Park Preparatory School, a public charter school for underprivileged kids in South Central L.A., saw his efforts rewarded with a heartwarming article on the front page of the Los Angeles Times on June 21.
10. Obama Fever swept 7th and Montana on Election Day. Lines formed at the local voting booths at dawn, where everyone, it seemed, said "yes we can" to a new administration, followed by a free cup of coffee at Our Favorite Starbucks.

To everyone who has made 2008 so memorable, thank you. Happy New Year, everyone!

HAIR'S LOOKING AT YOU, KID ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Heads were turning at 7th and Montana this morning as "Madame Tussaud," a local fashionista who resembles a cross between Anne Robinson, host of the television game show The Missing Link, and Lily Munster, unveiled a Bold, New Look. She's sporting a Crew Cut, complete with Patchwork Designs shaved onto the back of her head. "Tussaud" has always been something of a trendsetter but, if you ask me, her new 'do is a don't ...!

CALLING ALL KLUTZES ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was a quiet morning at 7th and Montana. So quiet, in fact, that I was at a loss for blog material. No "Jittery Nutcases" throwing hot chocolate at passersby; No "Superheroes" wearing underpants on their head; Not even an "Unfortunate Fashion Victim" wearing a funny hat. "Isn't this great?," said Robin, "It's just like old times: No long lines, no waiting around!" "Yes, great," I thought, "unless you're under pressure to come up with something Zany for the Internet." Barista Tyler tried to help. "Look," he shouted, parading by my table, "I didn't shave this morning ... I'm setting a new trend!" "Heaven help me," I thought, as I weighed the newsworthiness of five o'clock shadow at 8:00 a.m., "Have I sunk to this level?!?" Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. "I'm admitting defeat," I explained to Barista Veronica and her friend, "There's nothing blogworthy here today." And with that, I walked straight into a Christmas Wreath, the same one which fell on my head on December 1. This time, however, two of the decorative, plastic ornaments on it gave way with a resounding crunch. Veronica and her friend were gaping at me. "Oops," I explained, awkwardly, "There's something about this wreath ... I just keep walking right into it!" In retrospect, I wish I got a photo of the incident. It might have been Blogworthy ... !

A SIGN OF THE TIMES ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was a Sign of the Times this morning at 7th and Montana as -- like every good retailer -- Our Favorite Starbucks turned up the heat on its annual After Christmas Sale. The merchandise, however, made me do a double-take. There, just above a sign suggesting that everything was "Going, Going, Going," was what looked like a Holiday Board Game called "Party Layoff." Given the state of the economy -- with unemployment at 6.7 percent according to the U.S. Department of Labor -- I couldn't help wondering whether it was all a Cruel Hoax. If Layoffs have become a game now, who wins ... the person with the biggest bailout package? Then I realized that the Starbucks display was slightly askew. They're really just selling a game called Party Playoff, the latest in the Cranium series, where players "compete in a battle royale of wits, with the goal of predicting the champion and having a freakin' good time." I'll take that over a Pink Slip Party anyday...!

A PLACE IN THE SUN ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Heads were turning at 7th and Montana this morning as an Adorable Young Family made the scene with a Beautiful Baby Girl. Beautiful Babies are a dime a dozen at Our Favorite Starbucks, but this one could really stop traffic ... and a good thing, too. Her parents decided it would be a Smart Idea to drag their table as close as possible to oncoming traffic in order to get more sun. They were practically sitting on 7th Street. I felt like yelling, "Hey, folks, there's a phone call for you ... It's Icarus on line one!" But I held my tongue. Who knows, maybe I'll get another chance later today. Rumor has it they're planning a picnic on Pacific Coast Highway ...!

MORE HOLIDAY FUN ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

The Holiday Celebration continued this morning at 7th and Montana as Barista Samantha surprised me with a Christmas Gift Bag filled with several kinds of Gourmet Chocolate, Biscotti and a High-Capacity Coffee Mug. Best of all was her handmade card which depicted my usual order -- a Grande Half Caff and the Los Angeles Times -- and included a personal note. "Happy Holidays," Samantha wrote, "It took me a long time to get your order right, but thanks to you and your perfect change I got it in good time. Thank you for being a great customer!" She had similar gifts for Bob and Joyce, too. In this day and age, where too few people take the time to show they care, it does a body good to know there are people like Samantha on the job. Speaking of bodies, a genuine Police Cadaver Dog made the scene today at 7th and Montana. "His name is Tommy and he sniffs out corpses," said the Officer who was accompanying him. While the Officer insisted that Tommy was "off duty," I couldn't help noticing that he lingered suspiciously near the Pastry Display Case. The dog and master were last seen jumping into an unmarked van (Calif. License: HEIR PT), heading due North, towards Casa del Bozo ...!

A VERY 7TH AND MONTANA CHRISTMAS ...!

Bells were ringing at 7th and Montana today as friends and neighbors celebrated the holidays in high style. Actually, the festivities began last night with a party at Kathy's house, where a group of friends joined Kathy and her family in a pull-out-all-the-stops Christmas Eve Extravaganza. The menu was five-star -- including Salmon with Lime-Dill Sauce, Asparagus, Roasted Potatoes and a Dazzling Array of Desserts -- but it was the dinner conversation that provided the real food for thought. Somehow, a heated discussion erupted over the best way to dispose of a murder victim. Some said "chop the body up into little pieces and hide them all over town," while others preferred a cleaner approach. It was Kathy herself, however, who cooked-up the most ingenious solution. "I've got it!," she said while serving dessert, "Make the corpse into a Jell-O Ring!" All I can say is, thank God Kathy's not a Career Criminal. Speaking of which, the Notorious Neighborhood Newspaper Thief was back on the scene this morning, stealing newspapers from Our Favorite Starbucks on Christmas Day. This time, however, his theft was balanced out. Moments after he fled the scene, an Unfortunate Nincompoop lost a fistful of change in a malfunctioning newspaper machine. Happy Holidays, one and all ...!