BASKET CASE, AHOY ...AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

    

Head for the Hills, Folks!  There's a new Basket Case in town and he's unbalanced in more ways than one.  At approximately 8:00 a.m. this morning, an Unidentified Psychopath arrived on the scene at 7th and Montana, teetering dangerously on his bicycle as he struggled to balance a large Plastic Case and a ten-gallon container of Industrial Strength Laundry Detergent.  "Howdy, Everyone!," he yelled, "I was born in 1900 and I've been flying airplanes ever since they first came out!"  He walked into Starbucks singing "Kumbaya" at the top of his lungs and emerged, moments later, drinking a Vivanno (TM), Starbucks' "nourishing" new energy drink.  "I don't care what anyone says," he yelled, "I'm not on Narcotics!"  And with that, he jumped on his bike and proceeded to "do wheelies" into oncoming traffic.  "I'm famous," he roared, "I'm friends with Alec Baldwin, Daryl Hannah, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bono.  They're making a movie about me.  It comes out next week!"  "Naturally," I whispered to the woman sitting next to me while she dialed 911, "I assume it's a remake of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest ...!"