In a world of injustice -- where Smoking Stinkpots, Jittery Nutcases and Babbling Bulgarians reign supreme -- it takes a special kind of Superhero to keep things balanced. Meet Captain Underpants, the Hero of 7th and Montana, who fights crime while wearing Bright Blue Underpants on his Head. He arrived on the scene this morning astride his Trusty Banana Seat Bicycle and treated the crowd to a Dazzling Display of Strength. First, he single-handedly fished a Used Cup of Coffee out of the Garbage Can. Then, he dashed into Starbucks where he did a series of Impressive Yoga Squats on the Floor. Finally, faster than a speeding bullet, he ran outside where he stood on his head near oncoming traffic for a full five minutes. He was last seen devouring several Bran Muffins at Super Speed. "I'm leaving," I said to the folks at the next table, "This guy's wearing his underpants on his head and I, for one, don't want to be around when the Bran Muffins take effect ...!"