THIS MEANS WAR ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Pass the ear plugs, folks, the Local Oddball known as Phony Malone is back in town and something tells me he won't rest until everyone in a three-mile radius of 7th and Montana has heard at least one of his cell phone conversations. And what conversations they are, chock full of "intelligence!" You see, Phony fancies himself a Military Officer. Today he wore a U.S. Army baseball cap, backwards of course, and barked a series of orders into his cell phone. It sounded like he was discussing a "covert operation" in Afghanistan. "I'll be there's no one on the other end," I said. "You might be right," replied Joyce, "I just wonder what he's doing with the Plastic Rose." Indeed, despite his evident war-mongering, Phony was clutching a plastic rose in his left hand. I guess he's preparing for the War of the Roses ...!