Monday, December 26, 2011


The Guru, our favorite local expert on all things, shocked the crowd at 7th and Montana this morning with some advice on nutrition. "Splenda, I tell you, is the secret to eternal youth," he said to the woman on his left. "It's chock full of nutrients. I eat as much of it as I can." The woman began quietly inching away, but that didn't stop him. "Oops, I spilled a little," he said, sweeping a few particles directly into his mouth. "You are what you eat!," he cried. "In that case," I muttered, "I'm surprised he's not more into Nutmeg." For the record, the main ingredients in Splenda are Dextrose, Maltodextrin and Sucralose ... a combination that wouldn't even pass muster with the nutritionists who set the federal guidelines for school lunches. I don't know what the Guru has been smoking lately, but something tells me he's mixed a little Splenda in the Grass ...!


Paula said...

Splenda in the Grass, huh? You crack me up.

Rose said...

I agree with Paula.......
"Splenda in the Grass".....great punch line.

Hugs, Rose

Beth said...

You've outdone yourself with punderifficness, Marty! :D

Have a wonderful New Year!

Anonymous said... really did hit a high note here. School lunches and Splenda in the Grass. Niiiiiice. -Cin