HEY, BIG SPLENDA ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

The Guru, our favorite local expert on all things, shocked the crowd at 7th and Montana this morning with some advice on nutrition. "Splenda, I tell you, is the secret to eternal youth," he said to the woman on his left. "It's chock full of nutrients. I eat as much of it as I can." The woman began quietly inching away, but that didn't stop him. "Oops, I spilled a little," he said, sweeping a few particles directly into his mouth. "You are what you eat!," he cried. "In that case," I muttered, "I'm surprised he's not more into Nutmeg." For the record, the main ingredients in Splenda are Dextrose, Maltodextrin and Sucralose ... a combination that wouldn't even pass muster with the nutritionists who set the federal guidelines for school lunches. I don't know what the Guru has been smoking lately, but something tells me he's mixed a little Splenda in the Grass ...!