Monday, April 6, 2009
SURVEY WITH A SMILE ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!
Tension was mounting yesterday at 7th and Montana as a Perky UCLA Student made the scene with an Annoying Questionnaire. "I'm conducting a little survey," she chirped, "It will only take a few minutes, do you mind answering a few questions?" I usually don't agree to these things, especially when I'm engrossed in the Sunday Crossword, but -- like I said -- she was Perky. "Sure, I'll take the survey ... no problem," I replied. "Great," she smiled, "It's all about the Economy. We're trying to get a handle on just how anxious everyone is!" And with that, she handed me the most depressing one-page questionnaire I've ever seen. Questions ranged from "Do you worry about losing your job?" to "How much sleep per night would you say you are losing due to the economy?" and "How would you describe your mental state: Anxious, Depressed or Simply Worried?" In other words, she was stacking the deck. I know a thing or two about surveys and, trust me, this one is guaranteed to generate another round of Gloom and Doom headlines. So, I marched right up to her and exchanged a few Cross Words of my own. "Here you go," I said, handing her back the questionnaire, "Now I have a few questions for you: "What's an 11-letter word for Squab Sycophant?" and "How about a four-letter word for the Composer of 'Rule Britannia'"?!? She looked at me sheepishly and took off for Greener Pastures, heading due East towards Peet's Coffee ...!