BORN AGAIN ... AT WESTMINSTER ABBEY?!?

All the prayers did so much to help my sister return home safely from the hospital yesterday (she's home but has a ways to go before she begins to feel better) that I thought I'd try something new this morning. I went to Westminster Abbey where I said a prayer at St. Margaret's Church for a few of the more Unsavory Characters who have crossed my path in recent days. First, a word about St. Margaret's (pictured above): It was founded in the 12th Century by a group of Benedictine Monks to get the locals out of their hair. Sir Walter Raleigh, as famous for his exploits in the New World as for his secret affair and marriage to one of Queen Elizabeth's Ladies-in-Waiting, is buried there. He was beheaded in 1616 after what must be considered one of the worst business trips of all time: An expedition to Venezuela in search of El Dorado. Today, the Knave rests under the Nave ... and it was there I went to say a Modern Day Business Traveler's Prayer.

I prayed for the Anonymous Geezer who sat behind me on United #7549 to Chicago. He spoke so loudly and so constantly throughout the flight that I thought for a moment he was on continuous loop. Every sentence seemed to begin with "Back in my day ..." and end with "will wonders never cease." At one point, he told the Flight Attendant, "Back in my day, we would have called you a stewardess!" The Flight Attendant was a man named Steve with five o'clock shadow. Please, God, send us a Muzzle. And a Razor.


I prayed for the Pilot of United #7656 to Atlanta who seemed to be reaching into his briefcase for a Laptop. Please, God, smite all laptops in the cockpit. I like the Internet as much as the next guy, but let's not forget what happened last month when the Pilots of Northwest Flight #188 overshot their bounds by more than 100 miles thanks to their laptops. Pilots should face the control panel, not Facebook.


And, finally, I prayed for the Cab driver who took me to the airport. Please, God, deliver us from his Lead-Foot. Oh, and while you're at it, you might want to do something about his license (#687124041065). It expired last month.