MURDER A LA KING ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was a recipe for murder at 7th and Montana this morning as word spread regarding one of the most bizarre mysteries to hit the neighborhood since the Jittery Nutcase disappeared under police escort. Celebrity Chef Juan-Carlos Cruz -- otherwise known as the Food Network's "Calorie Commando" -- has been arrested by the Santa Monica Police on charges of solicitation to commit murder. Just how, exactly, does a "Calorie Commando" go rogue? The recipe goes something like this: Take one Crazy Chef, add three homeless men, sprinkle in $1,000 in unmarked bills and bring the mixture to a boil. According to Official Police Reports, Cruz approached three homeless men last week at the corner of Lincoln and California and offered to pay them $1,000 in torn up bills if they'd murder someone for him. "You'll get half now, half when you finish the job," he reportedly said, which I guess was just his way of telling them to clean their plates or there'd be no dessert. The men went straight to the police, who -- after investigating the matter -- promptly arrested Cruz and notified his intended victim. I went to the corner of Lincoln and California today in an effort to tie-up some loose ends, but didn't have much luck. No one seems to know who Cruz' intended victim was, but one man (pictured above) gave me a solid lead. "Something tells me it wasn't the Pillsbury Doughboy," he said. Cruz is being held on $5 million bail.