EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN ... AT LINCOLN AND MONTANA!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled coverage of 7th and Montana to bring you a breaking news update from the corner of Lincoln and Montana, where reports suggest that an Inconsiderate Shopper held up traffic at the Pavilions Express Line. The Shopper (pictured above) tried to get away with placing more than 30 items -- a regular-sized order -- in the Express Check-Out line. Her ploy, which I'm sorry to say worked, was to hide half her order on the bottom shelf of her cart. After the cashier scanned the first half of her order, she suddenly reached down, grabbed the other half of her groceries and placed them on the conveyor belt. "I guess that's why they call this an express line," I said, dryly. She didn't answer. Then -- in a vain attempt to speak her language -- I started snorting like a pig. But that didn't work, either. Finally, I just whipped out my Spycam and took a picture of her for posterity. Ladies and Gentlemen, if you find yourself behind this woman in the Express line, run don't walk to another cash register ...!