Ladies and Gentlemen, meet "the Expert," the know-it-all who loudly decided to catalog his accomplishments Wednesday night aboard United Flight #663 to Los Angeles. He sat one row behind me but he might as well have been shouting into my ear with a megaphone. "I'm a rocket scientist," he announced to the man sitting next to him, "You'd be amazed at what just a little science applied to everyday life can do ...!" He went on and on. His three-year-old daughter, meanwhile, spent the flight coughing-up a lung and projectile sneezing all over the woman sitting next to me. "I'm going to need a shower when I get home," she said. "Looks like you're getting one right now," I replied. A copious amount of spittle landed on her shoulder. The woman turned around and glared at the Expert, but he was busy talking with the man sitting next to him. Sheesh. It doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to teach a child how to cover her mouth ...!