Saturday, July 10, 2010

INCURABLE SWEET TOOTH ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!


Eyes were popping at 7th and Montana yesterday as Rigolatte -- the man known for belting out opera tunes, handing out religious literature and running up and down 7th Street squawking like a bird -- revealed his true passion. He's obsessed with artificial sweetener. Every day this week, he's been spotted stealing increasingly large handfuls of Splenda packets from Our Favorite Starbucks. At first, he caught me off guard. "Quick, get a picture of that," said Ace Photographer Kovar. "I can't, my hands are full," I replied. Kovar grabbed my newspaper and coffee to help me out, but by then it was almost too late. Rigolatte had taken two fistfuls of Splenda packets and was scurrying out the door. "Wait!," yelled Kovar, "You didn't get enough ... there's much more here for the taking!" Rigolatte turned to face him. "Come on," said Kovar, "Go for it ... You know you want it!" Rigolatte stopped and stared at the Splenda, mesmerized. "Well," he demurred, "If you insist ..." He walked right back to the condiment bar, shoved another handful of Splenda in his pocket and started laughing, maniacally. Some folks are worried, others predict a shortage of artificial sweetener, but I -- for one -- am happy to see Rigolatte adding something new to his repertoire. Before you know it, he'll be locking himself in the Men's Room and belting out a new tune: "Love is a Many Splenda Thing" ...!

4 comments:

Paula said...

That is the reason the rest of us have to pay so much for things to cover for the thieves. One restaurant here puts the Sweet and Low with the cashier.

Lynne said...

He probably sells it as fake dope...

garnett109 said...

oh jeeze!

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Sounds like he needs a real sweetener.