The stars were out at 7th and Montana this morning. The only problem is, they were plastered on someone's rear end. An Unfortunate Fashion Victim made the scene wearing skin-tight, translucent white pants with five pink stars emblazoned across her behind. "Get a load of the Star-Spangled Buttocks," I said, as I whipped out my Spycam and crept up behind her. I wasn't sure whether to salute or take her photo, so I opted for a little of both. She turned around and nearly caught me in the act, but thank God I had the presence of mind to pretend I was sending someone a text message. Something tells me if she knew what I was up to I'd really be seeing stars ...!