Hats Off to the Anonymous Trendsetter who walked into 7th and Montana today wearing a Skull-Hugging Winter Cap, complete with Ear Flaps and a Tail. Never mind that it's 60-degrees and sunny outside, this man is prepared for the Snows of Kilimanjaro. Either that, or he mugged one of Santa's Helpers. Said one onlooker, "Maybe he's making a statement." "Yes," I thought to myself, "He's telling the world that he's a Goofball ...!"
Heads were turning at 7th and Montana this morning as an Anonymous Potential Celebrity arrived on the scene, Power Walking her way down 7th Street and into Our Favorite Starbucks. "Hey, wasn't that Marlo Thomas?," asked Kathy. "I don't know," I replied, "I'll check." And so I went inside, intent on finding out whether Thomas -- perhaps best known for her starring role in the 1960s sitcom That Girl -- was in our midst. I gaped; I gawked; I surreptitiously pointed my camera phone in her direction ... all to no avail. In the end, I only succeeded in arousing the suspicion of a man sitting at the counter who looked at me like I had three heads. Was I embarrassed? Of course not! After all, aren't we all Free to Be… You and Me ...?
Rumor has it that it was "Mission Accomplished" for Ace Photographer Kovar as he reached the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro last week with seven-year-old Keats Boyd in tow. Kovar, who is still in Africa, is shooting a documentary about Keats and his successful bid to become the youngest person ever to climb the tallest free-standing mountain in the world. The team "summited" at Kilimanjaro on January 21 at 3:45 p.m. in what experts describe as "brutal, freezing conditions." Said Kovar, "After ten days without a shower, I'm heading to the Serengeti Plains." He was last seen frolicking with the Wildebeasts ...!
Head for the Hills, Folks! An Over-Indulgent Mother is on the loose at 7th and Montana and she's turned her Brood of Sneezing Brats loose on Our Favorite Starbucks. The fun began early this morning, when a trio of youngsters walked through the door, all clad in bright pink and blue bathrobes and fuzzy slippers. "Are you playing dress-up at school today?," asked an Innocent Bystander. "No," answered the Mom, "They're all sick ... they're not going to school today!" As if on cue, a little girl sneezed into a Kleenex, turned to her mother and cried, "I don't feel good, Mommy!" Far be it from me to criticize, but since when did Cappuccino replace Chicken Soup in the Pantheon of Acceptable Comfort Foods? And on what planet is it considered proper to turn your neighborhood Starbucks into a Veritable Petri Dish? Granted, the cozy, down home atmosphere at 7th and Montana can be infectious, but this is ridiculous ...!
Love was in the air this morning at 7th and Montana as Our Favorite Starbucks paved the way for Valentine's Day with enough "mushy" merchandise to make Cupid blush. My favorite item was the "I Love You" game which, for $7.95, allows you to send Mystery Messages to your loved ones in invisible ink. Personally, I think we should send one to Janice Turner, a columnist for the Times in London, who yesterday launched a blistering attack on Starbucks everywhere in a column entitled "A Tall, Bland Caramel Thing, Please. Why Did We Model Our Coffee Shops on American's Instead of Continental Ones?" In her column, Ms. Turner whines about the quality of a Vanilla and Caramel Latte Macchiato she ordered at a Starbucks in Berlin, calling it "a bland half-pint of milk with as much coffee flavour as if someone sipping an espresso had sneezed over my cup." She bemoans the fact that wherever you are in London, you're never more than five minutes from a Starbucks ("the same," she writes, "can be said of a rat."). Indeed, Ms. Turner, I smell a rat. I've been to the same Starbucks you're complaining about in Berlin, the one near "Checkpoint Charlie," and -- last time I checked -- there weren't any former Gestapo Agents pointing a gun to my head and forcing me to drink a "Tall, Bland Caramel Thing." If you want a cup of coffee, order a cup of coffee. They serve it in the "Continental" style, along with the "small, free delicious biscuit" you seem to crave. As for your complaints that Starbucks has virtually taken over the coffee scene in London, I can sympathize. It must be difficult for you to watch "foreign" food chains and coffee houses thrive in a city so famous for its local cuisine. Last time I was in London, I noticed something missing from the Starbucks display case ... something that just might change your opinion about Starbucks forever. If you have an open mind, I'd be more than happy to send you a Delicious, Mouth-Watering Apple Fritter, straight from the Pastry Shelf at 7th and Montana. Consider it a Valentine's Gift ...!
It was a Full House this morning at 7th and Montana with initial reports suggesting that the crowd set new a new World Record for the number of people seated around a single Starbucks table. In addition to the "regulars," special guests today included: Wing (who flew in from a morning spent "rowing" indoors); Leela (who escaped Seattle this weekend to get some sun, only to find predictions of torrential rain); Andrew (who nearly embraced Joyce in a case of mistaken identity); Mel and Paulette (aglow with the news that you can save a bundle on a four-shot, nonfat iced cappuccino topped with foam by using complimentary nonfat milk) and Terry (visiting Howard and Cathy from Mexico). In a strange example of "Six Degrees of Separation," Howard and Cathy met the family who purchased Howard's Mother's diamond ring from a jeweler in Vail, Colorado. And, for when Six Degrees of Separation aren't enough, an Anonymous Schmoe (pictured above) emerged from his car, yelling enigmatically into his cell phone, "I can't believe she actually slashed his tires ...!!!"
The storm system which has dumped more than 8 inches of rain on parts of Southern California has done nothing to dampen our spirits at 7th and Montana. In fact, Our Favorite Starbucks took on a downright "cozy" atmosphere today as Manager Gabe moved some extra tables inside to accommodate the morning rush. In some cases, however, the atmosphere seemed a bit too cozy: An Anonymous Card Shark camped out at the counter, sporting a Dirty Hoodie, Fatigues, Fuzzy "UGG" Slippers and a beard that hasn't seen the likes of a razor in at least a decade. Not surprisingly, he was playing Solitaire ...!
In what some locals are viewing as a "sign of the times," a series of new, personalized Barista Signs appeared this morning at Our Favorite Starbucks. "Look," cried Barista Robb this morning, "I have my own sign!" Indeed, right by the Barista Station, was a sign reading, "Your Barista is Robb. Today I recommend a Double Tall Cappuccino." The new signs appeared just weeks after a group of top Starbucks management -- including their CEO -- was rumored to have visited 7th and Montana. Personally, I think the new signs are a nice touch and in keeping with the spirit at 7th and Montana, where we have a sense of Community and Loyalty you don't find at the three other Starbucks locations down the street ...!
After spending the last two days discussing legislative issues in Washington, it seems somehow appropriate that my political education would continue on my flight home, courtesy of the Woman Sitting to My Left. Tonight's lesson aboard United Flight #167 went something like this:
Woman to My Left: I see you're reading Barack Obama's book, "The Audacity of Hope."
Me: Yes, I'm trying to learn more about him since he's running for President.
Woman to My Left: That sounds like a good idea. What do you think so far?
Me: I'm not sure. He seems likeable and less controversial than Hillary Clinton but I'm still not sure.
Woman to My Left: My Son-in-Law is Obama's Press Secretary. He's working 18-hour days.
Me: What a coincidence. He must really like him. To be honest, I'm sort of jaded when it comes to politics ... it's not one of my favorite topics. I find it hard to trust our politicians lately.
Woman to My Left: I understand your feelings. I'm in Congress. Did you know that President Bush vetoed a plan yesterday that would offer healthcare to uninsured children? He vetoes healthcare for kids, while spending all this money on the War.
Me: You're a Congresswoman ... great! Maybe you can help me. Am I wrong in thinking something has to be done to fix our healthcare system? I keep hearing about how insurance companies are denying claims to very sick people and that people are losing their health coverage just when they need it most. Is this a real problem or just a headline?
Woman to My Left: It's a real problem and you're right to worry. Fortunately, each of the Democratic candidates has a healthcare proposal. Any of their proposals would work better than what we have now. What we really need is a Single-Payer System. But you don't have to decide who to support now ... there's still plenty of time for you to continue researching.
And so, based on the Good Congresswoman's advice, I plan to continue reading up on and listening to the various Presidential candidates even though "politics" tends to put a knot in my stomach. As for Barack Obama's book, it's the literary equivalent of a plate of Brussels Sprouts: Nutritious but Bland ...!
It felt like Capital Punishment in the Nation's Capital this morning as temperatures dipped below freezing. "This is our first taste of Winter this year," said one of my local colleagues, "Until now, the weather has been terrific." "Great," I replied, "Call me when the Cherry Trees are blooming!" Anyhow, as long as I'm "suffering" -- holed-up in my hotel room -- it seems only fitting that I would attempt to address the request of a ten-year-old girl named "Pumpkin" whose mother, Dawn, often reads and comments on my blog. Pumpkin created a meme -- a list of personal questions -- and posted it on her mother's blog for everyone to answer online ("especially all the men bloggers that never do it"). I'm not a "memer" -- so this will probably be the only time I ever answer a "meme" request -- but here goes:
1. What is your name? Marty
2. How old are you? 43
3. Where are you from? Originally, Boston, but now I live in Santa Monica.
4. Do you smoke? No.
5. Do you drink? Only occasionally, when "necessary"
6. Do you have a family? If yes, please explain. Yes: My parents live in Florida during the Winter/Massachusetts during the Summer and my sister, brother-in-law and nephew live in Massachusetts.
7. What are your hobbies? Reading, Writing, Going to the Movies.
8. What is your favorite ice cream? Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup.
9. What is your favorite animal? Dogs and maybe the occasional Australian Bearded Dragon.
10. Do you wear glasses? Yes.
11. What nationality are your ancestors from? Russia, I think.
12. What color is your hair? Brown.
13. What are you wearing now? A blazer, sweater and jeans.
14. What is your favorite color? Blue but I usually wear brown because it hides coffee stains better.
15. What teacher do you remember most from your childhood? Mrs. Ryan who taught English in high school. She was great!
16. What are your pets and their names? I don't have any pets, but the top pets at 7th and Montana include: Zoey (a Tibetan Terrier), Charlie (a Polish Lowland Sheepdog), Noah (a Retriever), Toby (a Cocker Spaniel) and Sophia (an Australian Bearded Dragon).
17. What is your favorite food? Grape Tomatoes.
18. What is your job? I work in Hollywood for a big consumer electronics company.
Ladies and Gentlemen, meet "Bobby Bubonic," my seatmate today aboard United Flight #946 to Washington, D.C. Bobby used the 4.5-hour, cross-country flight to practice his specialty: coughing and hacking without covering his mouth. As for me, have no fear: I was ready for Mr. Bubonic and his ilk. Every time he coughed in my direction, I simply smiled, reached into my coat pocket and pulled out a container of Purell Instant Germicide (guaranteed to "kill 99.99% of germs"). Perhaps it was my imagination, but by the end of the flight, Mr. Bubonic seemed to visibly recoil every time I reached for the Purell, almost as if he were Dracula and I was threatening him with a Holy Water Spritzer ...!
Reptile Season was Open this morning at 7th and Montana as a Hunter arrived on the scene, evidently hot on the trail of Sophia, the Australian Bearded Dragon. Actually, the "Hunter" in question is a Local Investor named Hunter who, in recent weeks, has developed something of a crush on the Vivacious Reptile. Indeed, Sophia was practically beaming with delight as Hunter gently caressed her from head-to-toe. Then, again, perhaps she was simply aglow from her trip yesterday to Abalone Cove, where, according to Susan, she blended in beautifully with the neighborhood Barnacles and Sea Slugs ...!
Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Flat Emma, the latest newcomer in our midst at 7th and Montana. Based on the popular Flat Stanley series of children's books about a young boy who was flattened by a falling bulletin board and lived to tell the tale, Flat Emma is the brainchild of Robin's seven-year-old cousin, Emma. As part of a project for Ms. Walter's First and Second Grade Class at the Carl Sandburg Elementary School in Centennial, Colorado, Emma created a Flat Version of herself and mailed it to Robin with the request that she play host to Flat Emma for an extended stay in Santa Monica. Since then, Flat Emma has led something of a charmed life, hob-nobbing in Hollywood and basking at the beach. Today she could be found sipping a Skinny Latte -- made with low-fat milk and a single packet of Sugar-in-the-Raw -- at Our Favorite Starbucks. I almost treated her to a Nice, Healthy Banana Bran Muffin, but thought better of it. Better Flat than Flatulent, I always say ...!
It was "Trouble in Paradise" yesterday as a pair of Young Lovebirds got into a nasty spat on the night train from Eindhoven to Amsterdam. It all began when a young couple sat across the aisle from me, speaking loudly in what sounded like Hindi. At first I thought they were simply having an animated conversation, so I buried my face in a book. Moments later, I couldn't help hearing what sounded like repeated slapping and muffled laughter. A quiet glance in their direction, however, revealed that nobody was laughing: The young woman was slapping her boyfriend for all he was worth, which didn't seem like much in her estimation based on the way she was screaming at him. While her boyfriend wasn't hitting her back, he seemed intent on wrestling her into a stronghold. I was perplexed. Should I try to calm them down, report the incident to the conductor or "ignore" the situation altogether? Fortunately, just as things were heating-up, a pair of Giggling Schoolgirls boarded the train in Utrecht, took the empty seats next to the would-be "Punch and Judy" and shamed them into silence. I'd like to say the story has a Happy Ending, but we'll never know. I left the train at Schiphol Airport and the Lovebirds continued on, heading towards what I fear will become their own, personal Train Wreck ...
I spent most of the day today in meetings in Eindhoven, a city in the south of Holland. Unlike the quaint and cozy villages which surround it, Eindhoven is an industrial center, a magnet for high-tech companies. As a result, it has become the city that locals love to hate. A popular joke goes, "Congratulations, you've just won top prize in a contest: A week's vacation in Eindhoven. Booby Prize is two weeks in Eindhoven." I disagree. If you can get around the "industrial" look, there are plenty of nice shops, restaurants and things to do here. The only thing I haven't found yet in Eindhoven is a Starbucks ...!
Here at the Kapellerput I've been surrounded by unusual artwork ranging from life-sized sculptures of monks to colorful (but off-color) paintings of all sorts. According to the hotel management, "Kapellerput is an exhibition centre that is treasured by famous and less well-known artists alike." My favorite pieces can be found in the lobby where a complete lounge act including a pianist, the piano and a lounge singer are all made of clay ...!
Here I am at the Kapellerput, a popular conference hotel in the Netherlands -- in the Brabant area of the Heeze -- surrounded by a "broad-leafed and coniferous forest" and wetlands. According to local legend, the Kapellerput (which means "chapel pit" in Dutch) has existed since time immemorial. Centuries ago, in a fit of anger, a Nasty Robber Baron known as "the Black Narob" destroyed a chapel that was reportedly situated here. Today, busy executives mingle and mix where Robber Barons and Serfs once roamed and the management prides itself on offering "all the room you need for inspiration." Even the bathrooms are, in their own way, "inspiring." They feature floor-to-ceiling glass doors emblazoned with the catchy slogan, "Make My Day." Actually, inspiration struck in more ways than one last night as one of my colleagues rushed headlong into one of these bathroom doors. To hear him tell the story, his head -- and the door -- were almost Kapeller-Kaput ...!
I've just arrived at a corporate retreat here in Heeze, a quiet village in the Netherlands where I'll be involved in some meetings over the next few days. My journey here involved so many twists, turns and stops along the way that I'm, indeed, in somewhat of a "Haze." After arriving at Schiphol Airport early this morning, I paid a quick visit to my friend, Marijke, who had a terrific breakfast waiting for me at her picture perfect home in Amsterdam. Marijke declined to be photographed for my blog based on a controversial incident nearly two years ago when some imaginative readers commented that her dress resembled a marijuana leaf. After breakfast, I took a tram to the Amsterdam Central train station and made my way to Heeze, a two hour ride through green pastures and cheerful meadows. Tonight, I'm having dinner with some colleagues at a restaurant called Koffer which, appropriately enough, means "Suitcase" in Dutch ...!
It was a Cast Party at 7th and Montana as word spread that doctors have finally removed the cast from Susan's wrist. Now that time has healed all wounds, the truth can at last be told: Susan took a nasty spill in November and broke her wrist at the Starbucks-sponsored ice-skating rink in Santa Monica. Ironically, a Quack Doctor at the scene of the accident told her that her wrist was fine and to simply put some ice on it. If that isn't adding insult to injury, what is ...?!?
Genevieve celebrated her birthday in high-style this morning at 7th and Montana, surrounded by friends and well-wishers. While Robin surprised the Birthday Girl with a gift, I must admit I was "empty-handed." After much deliberation, I finally decided on the perfect gift. Genevieve: I'm fixing you up on a Surprise Mystery Date with a well-known Local Celebrity. Here's a hint: He can be found every day at the 3rd Street Promenade, standing on his hands and ululating at the top of his lungs ...!
Ladies and Gentlemen, meet "Mr. Nod," the newest arrival on the scene at 7th and Montana. An agreeable sort, Mr. Nod specializes in nodding his head up and down as if in constant, violent agreement with an invisible companion. While I was tempted to ask him a series of questions -- "Can I borrow some money?"; "Would you wash my car?"; "Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?" -- I thought better of it. Not only would it be impolite to take advantage of his agreeable nature, but rumor has it that his friends -- Winken and Blinken -- pack a mean punch ...!
It was a Happy Homecoming at 7th and Montana as I returned from a few hectic days at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Moments after I arrived at Our Favorite Starbucks, Barista Rob appeared out of nowhere and slipped me my usual Grande Half Caff. It wasn't until much later that I noticed that -- in addition to the terrific service -- he had added an amusing, little illustration to my cup. There, staring back at me, was a nerdy-looking stick figure with the following thought-bubble floating over his head: "Mmmm ... new Panasonic toys at CES!" Of course, this cartoonish nerd couldn't possibly be me. Everyone knows I work for Philips, not Panasonic ...!
I don't know who looked more surprised last night, me or the fish that was wheeled to my table at Bartolotta restaurant at the Wynn hotel in Las Vegas where I hosted a business dinner. Instead of a traditional "menu," the waiter brought over a collection of fish -- flown-in fresh from Italy -- for our inspection. While I stared, goggle-eyed at the selection, the waiter suggested that we each start with their spectacular White Truffle Risotto appetizer. "Marvelous, if they're fresh from Langhe, we'll each start with that," said one of the executives at my table. Fish from Italy and Truffles from France ... now that's what I call a Wynn-Wynn combination ...
It was a brush with celebrity as I paid my respects this week to Homer Simpson while we were rehearsing presentations in the Blu-ray Disc booth at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas. For the record, Homer -- pictured above -- is the one with the yellow skin, bulging eyes and five o'clock shadow. As usual, I've spent nearly the entire show holed up in meeting rooms. By the time I leave, I'll be ready for a new career as Homer's stunt double ...!
It's been raining cats and dogs in Southern California ... but the severe storms which have pelted the region with heavy rains and winds have done nothing to dampen the neighborhood spirit at 7th and Montana. Photographic evidence -- courtesy of Genevieve -- suggests that even the dogs have broken out their raincoats. As for me, I'm swamped in another way, in meeting after meeting at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas ...!
It was the best of times, it was the Southworst of times aboard Southwest Flight #479 to Las Vegas this afternoon as I, once again, realized why I "never" fly Southwest. The fun began when I arrived for my flight, which was supposed to leave at 10:15 a.m. "It's delayed," said the Gate Agent, "We're currently showing a departure time of 12:10. Why don't you check back with me at 11:30." So, I walked across the aisle to Starbucks and drowned my sorrows in a Grande Half Caff. When I returned at the appointed time to check status, the Gate Agent smiled at me and said, "Oh, your flight is long gone. We ended up finding a new plane and boarded whoever we could find. We'll try to get you on another flight." "Hmmm," I replied, thinking of the luggage I had checked and the meetings I had scheduled. To make a long story short, quite a few other people were in the same boat. Then, again, maybe I would have gotten to Las Vegas faster if I took a boat ...!
Ace Photographer Kovar regaled the crowd at 7th and Montana with further details of his upcoming trip to Kilimanjaro. Kovar is shooting a documentary covering the exploits of Keats Boyd, a 7-year-old boy who aims to become the youngest person ever to reach the top of the 20,000-foot volcano. In the words of Katie Couric, who aired a piece on Keats on tonight's CBS Evening News, "Keats has a climbing instinct like no monkey you've ever met." To prepare for the adventure, Keats and his father, Bryan, have been practicing hiking for five miles a day in the Hollywood Hills. As for Kovar, rumor has it he's been practicing urinating in a paper cup. The expedition -- a fundraiser for The Jane Goodhall Institute and the Kids of Kilimanjaro -- leaves early next week. Good luck, Kovar!
"Oh My God ... Quick ... Someone needs to take a picture of this!" shouted an Anonymous Newcomer at 7th and Montana this morning, "Does anybody have a camera?!?" "Actually," I replied, "You've come to the right place. I might be able to help. Where's the Photo Opportunity?" The newcomer gestured and, sure enough, right in front of us, a pair of Busy Bee Workers had spread out boxes of paperwork, loose files and envelopes all over the sidewalk in an apparent effort to turn a table at Starbucks into a Makeshift Office. "They tell me they're in Social Security Law," said the Newcomer, "But their whole approach looks a bit Retro if you ask me." Indeed, everyone seems to be using Starbucks as an office these days. Next thing you know, a Physician specializing in Gastrointestinal Disorders will set up shop at the Pastry Counter -- near the Apple Fritters -- and an Enterprising Dentist will lay claim to the Barista Bar ...!
It was out with the old and in with the new at Our Favorite Starbucks today as the Morning Crew rushed to dismantle the last of their holiday displays and replace them with all-new promotional materials. So, what's the Skinny? After months of plying us with Egg Nog Lattes at 450 calories a pop, Starbucks is now pushing what they call the all-new Skinny Latte for the New Year. "It's great marketing," said one observer. "If an Egg Nog Latte makes you look and feel like Santa Claus, the Skinny Latte -- at only 90 calories -- will lighten your load." Still, some insiders say Starbucks has a slim chance of success with the new drink. An Anonymous Barista from a Starbucks in New York has launched an online crusade against the Skinny Latte, publicly calling it deceptive and confusing. Said the Barista in an online article, "I have yet to come across a single partner in any store who thinks that it is a good idea." Now that's what I call Grounds for dismissal ...!
Tempers were flaring at 5th and Arizona yesterday as an Unidentified Meanie tried to put the kibosh on an impromptu concert in front of the Santa Monica Post Office. The fun began shortly after 3:00 p.m., when an Impoverished Street Musician began playing a classic song from The Sound of Music, "My Favorite Things," on his guitar. There he was, strumming a happy tune, when suddenly -- somewhere between the "cream colored ponies" and "crisp apple strudel" -- the Meanie arrived on the scene, shouting, "Stop it, stop that racket right now!" "Why should I stop?!?," responded the Musician, " It's a free country!" "If you don't stop, I'll make you stop!," yelled the Meanie, who began screaming obscenities and waving his fist. The Musician, in response, played louder and louder, faster and faster, lending the piece enough frenzied passion to scare even Rogers & Hammerstein. Just when I thought they would start throwing "bright, copper kettles" at each other, the Meanie turned tail and rushed down 5th Street, threatening to return with the police. Some people just don't know when to shut their Von Trapps ...!
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