UNBEARABLE MUSIC ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

It was a Culture Clash of major proportions this morning at 7th and Montana as a pair of Anonymous Music Aficionados (pictured above) regaled the crowd with stories of last night's classical performance featuring Internationally Celebrated Conductor Kent Nagano at the The Broad Stage in Santa Monica. Evidently, the stage was a bit too broad for its own good. The program began with a tribe of Inuit Throat Singers who croaked at each other from the depths of their windpipes, creating a sound one might expect if a dozen cats coughed-up a collective hairball. "I'm sure there's a place for this music ..." said Aficionado A, "...somewhere in the Arctic." Next-up was a grizzly rendition of Karlheinz Stockhausen's "In Freundschaft," performed by a Bassoon Soloist who appeared on stage in a bear costume. "Just try to imagine a man in a Full Kodiak Bear Costume standing alone on stage, grasping a bassoon with an air tube entering his mouth just below the snout," said Aficionado B, "He was accompanied only by a small jar of honey near his feet, apparently intended to inspire him to musical greatness." "Did you say this was a bassoon or a buffoon solo?," I interjected. Whatever the case, the whole evening must have been unbearable. The Aficionados left during the intermission. "That's what I like about the Broad Stage," said Aficionado A, "You get home so early ...!"