A TALE OF TWO SATURDAYS ...!

It was two Saturdays for the price of one today as I woke up early, renewed, refreshed and intent on enjoying the day in Japan, followed by a flight back in time and the chance to repeat my day in Santa Monica. I started in Kyoto, with a visit to Kiyomizu-dera (pictured above) which, in my opinion, is one of the nicest temples in Japan. The Kiyomizu complex, a UNESCO world monument, was built in 1633 and features a series of shrines dedicated to different gods. The main hall, or Hon-Do, rises above the city like a stage and is held in place by giant wooden pillars.

The Powers-that-Be are very strict at Kiyomizu. As the sign above clearly states, no "Photograhs" are allowed ... but I didn't let that stop me. I whipped out my spycam and started taking photos like there was no tomorrow.

Eventually, a Temple Official in a Scary Gardeners Outfit made a bee-line for me and seemed to be muttering something in Japanese. "Don't worry," I said, "I promise you: I won't take any photograhs whatsoever!" Naturally, I took her picture.

My next stop was a visit to the statue of Daikoku, the Japanese God of business success, to thank him for a great business trip and ask for his continued support. Granted, I don't know a lot about Japanese religious practices, but no harm in hedging my bets. Daikoku is considered one of the seven "Lucky Gods" of Japan. The statue above depicts him as a plump, prosperous businessman, standing on overstuffed bales of rice and wielding a magic, coin-producing mallet. I can't vouch for the magical properties of his mallet, but -- like everyone else -- I did throw a couple of coins his way.



Kiyomizu, literally translated, means "pure water" and the temple complex is dotted with waterfalls and streams. The fountain above is supposed to bring good luck to those who dip one of the temple's tin cups into the fountain and drink of its purifying waters. This morning, a group of local schoolchildren was having a good time dipping the cups again and again into the fountain and taking big gulps of water. "Try some?," asked one of the attendants on duty. "No thanks," I said, watching the cups pass from hand-to-hand. Frankly, I like my H2O without any H1N1. Besides, I had some other purifying waters in mind.

I left the temple complex and ducked into Starbucks where, I'm pleased to say, I once again tormented another Poor Barista who had never heard of a Grande Half Caff. "A what?!?," asked Barista Maruno, "You want half of a what?!?" She grew increasingly agitated as I repeated my order again and again. But once I explained what a half caff is, she rose to the occasion. "Take a seat," she said, "and I'll bring it to you." Ten minutes later, she brought me what she called a Half-and-Half in a cup which she had artfully decorated with images of Kyoto and Mt. Fuji.


I spent some time walking along the quaint side-streets of Kyoto, looking at some of the local arts and crafts. In one shop, I noticed an elderly woman selling what appeared to be packages of homemade candy made out of squid meat. I started to take a picture of it but she nearly slapped the Spycam out of my hands. "What is it with you people and your squid?" I asked, exasperated, but she was unflappable. "I know, I know," I said, "No pictures. But do you mind if I take a few Photograhs?"



By far the most bizarre shop I saw seemed to specialize in rubber ceremonial masks. I couldn't help noticing that right there, next to a golden Buddah head, was a genuine Barack Obama mask with a hand-made sign reading "yes, we can." I support our President as much as the next guy, but I couldn't resist asking the shopkeeper to "bring me the head of Barack Obama!"



My next stop was the "Bullet Train," a true marvel of Japanese engineering. I whizzed through city after city, over bridges, passing rice fields and Mt. Fuji (pictured above) to get to Tokyo, where I made my way to Narita Airport and United Flight #890. I had the privilege of sitting next to a man I'll call "Mr. Spitoon" (pictured below). He spent the entire 10-hour flight chewing tobacco and spitting its remnants into a bottle of Mountain Dew he kept on his lap.





I made it back to 7th and Montana by 10:00 a.m. the same day, just in time to participate in a Sting Operation which finally -- after more than five years -- ended-up thwarting the Notorious Newspaper Thief, the man who has been stealing newspapers from Our Favorite Starbucks when he thinks no one is looking. I stood directly behind him, positioning myself between the Thief and his Getaway Bike. Barista Veronica stood in front of him, glaring directly at him as he pretended to be browsing innocently through the "used" newspapers. It was a game of chicken on a grand scale until finally, the Newspaper Thief chickened out. He jumped on his getaway bike and pedaled madly towards the Starbucks at 15th and Montana ...!