Tuesday, June 16, 2009
CLEAN UP ON AISLE 7 ... AT WHOLE FOODS!
Ladies and Gentlemen, meet HRH Puffenstuff, the scourge of our local Whole Foods market. I had the pleasure of running into Ms. Puffenstuff this evening ... or, to be more exact, she ran into me. There I was, minding my own business, looking for that perfect bunch of bananas, when Ms. Puffenstuff -- a Surly Matron in her mid thirties -- came barrelling out of nowhere and shoved me aside. At first I thought I was in her way, that somehow I had done something wrong. "I'm sorry ... excuse me," I said politely. She ignored me, elbowed someone else aside, and made a grab for a jumbo bag of pecans. I stood there staring at her, dumbfounded. She scowled at me and continued along her merry way. And that's when I had a sudden inspiration. It was too late to yell at her -- the moment had passed -- but, by God, I could see to it that she doesn't get away with this. I whipped out my trusty Spycam and followed her around the store, getting enough "evidence" to fill a website: Ms. Puffenstuff at the Meat Counter; Ms. Puffenstuff at the Bakery; Ms. Puffenstuff splurging on a bag of Bon Bons. You name it, I got it. They say revenge is a dish best served cold. I guess that means I'll be plotting mine ... in the Frozen Foods aisle!