Tempers were flaring today in what has become known throughout Hollywood as the Great Tuna War of 2007. The battle lines were first drawn some months ago when my colleague, Lisa, tried to order a Tuna Melt at the quaint sidewalk cafe near our office on Sunset Strip. "No," said the woman behind the counter. "We cannot make you a Tuna Melt. We do not serve Tuna Melts!" Moments later, when I arrived on the scene, she smiled sweetly and said, "What will it be, sir, a Tuna Melt?" Since then, this woman -- known to insiders simply as The Tuna Nazi -- has showered me with Tuna Melts while steadfastly refusing to make one for Lisa. New evidence suggests that she also refuses to grill Lisa's Panini. Poor Lisa ... I'm afraid she's heading for a Meltdown!