A TOAST TO THE NEW YEAR ...!

It was a joyous toast to the New Year for everyone but Howard this morning as his bagel was once again less than perfectly toasted.  While rumor has it that his search for the Perfect Toaster went up in smoke yesterday, inside sources report that the Black & Decker TR0870 Toaster is on sale at Sears for $39.88.  Better hurry, Howard, or your chances of landing one of these beauties might just be toast ...!

STARBUCKING THE TREND ...?!?

Whoever said "You can never be too rich, too thin or have too many Starbucks locations in a single block" was slightly off base.  The latest rumor -- according to newbie Starbucks Manager Gabriel  -- is that the Deidrich's at Lincoln and Montana will remain vacant for several months, following which it will be converted into yet another Starbucks.  Deidrich's officially closes its doors on January 2.

MISTAKEN IDENTITY AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

It was a clear case of identity theft at Starbucks this morning as Kovar "inadvertently" grabbed a latte that was intended for someone named "Jo."  The good news is that -- with just a little investigative elbow grease -- I was able to track down the real "Jo."  The bad news is that he's evidently not very happy with Kovar (see Photo #2) ...!

THAT'S OFFICER MEANIE TO YOU ...!

Neighborhood Newshound Dennis was fit to be tied this morning as a certain evil police officer evidently tried to block his every move when he tried parking near 7th and Montana.  Poor Dennis was so angry he called police headquarters to report the incident.  Good luck, Dennis.  Let's hope Santa Monica's finest don't lock you up and throw away the key!

FORMER PRESIDENTS AND RESIDENTS ...!

There I was at 7th and Montana this morning, expressing sadness at the passing of President Ford, when Neighborhood Newshound Dennis brought me up-to-speed on what the former President was really like.  Evidently, he was really like-able.  Not only that, but his son used to hang out at 7th and Montana every day.  I, for one, wish he still hung out here.  Lord knows we could use a little extra security!

MEET MR. STOGIE ...!

You meet all kinds on "the early shift" at 7th and Montana.  Take "Mr. Stogie," for example.  The pick of the litter at Starbucks this morning, Mr. Stogie pulled up a chair, picked up a Stogie and began puffing away to beat the band (photo #1).  Just as I was about to call the police, he set his cigar aside and began vigorously picking his nose (photo #2).  My reaction?  I beat a hasty retreat before he began picking anything else ...!

DEALING CRACK AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...?

It may be Christmas, but 7th and Montana felt more like a crack den than a holiday haven this morning as one person after another exposed the neighborhood to their butt crack.  What are these people thinking?!?  Take the woman pictured here, for example.  No doubt her brains -- not to mention her sense of good taste -- are in her behind.  Thank God I didn't get a zoom lens for Christmas ...!

THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST ...!

I must be channeling the Ghost of Christmas Past since I stumbled across a treasure trove of historic photos:  (1) The corner of 7th and San Vicente circa 1953 (pre-Coral Trees);  (2) Santa Monica Canyon and Adelaide in 1920 (pre-stairs);  (3) Ocean Towers in 1920 (when it was a vacant lot); (4) Patrick's Roadhouse in 1912 (when it was a tract office) and (5) An aerial view of the North of Montana neighborhood circa 1920.  Enjoy!   

ZOMBIES ARE PEOPLE, TOO ...!

Move over Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen ... Our Favorite Zombie stole the show today at 7th and Montana with a performance Yule never forget.  First she traded-in her usual fog for an aura of smoke -- chain-smoking up a storm behind Starbucks.  Then, when we told her smoking at Starbucks was now illegal, she quietly disappeared in a puff of smoke!

NEWS FLASH: ACTIVITY AT OUR FAVORITE FIXER UPPER ...!

A certain Busy Bee homemaker was buzzing around the scene of Our Favorite Fixer Upper today, much to the surprise of the crowd at 7th and Montana.  While some sources suggest she installed a new sprinkler system on the roof, others maintain she was merely feeding her guard dog.  In any case, photographic evidence suggests she beat a hasty retreat in her getaway car!

AN END TO STARBUCKS HOLIDAY SPIRIT ...?!?

Has the Starbucks holiday cup runneth over?  That was the question this morning as we noticed a distinct shortage of the red holiday cups at 7th and Montana.  I guess that's what happens when you start celebrating Christmas in October!

DON'T PITY PATTY ...!

Pizza lovers of Santa Monica rejoiced this morning as word spread that local landmark Patty's Pizza is staying put at 7th and Montana.  Sources close to the situation speculate that Patty struck an eleventh hour deal to maintain the lucrative location.  How lucrative?  Said one inside source who prefers to remain anonymous:  "Patty's struck a deal.  They're also renovating the shop.  Did I tell you I just had brain surgery?"

"IT WILL COME BACK ...!"

Surprising new signage appeared recently at the scene of Our Favorite Fixer Upper.  Someone spraypainted a message -- "It will come back" -- across the fence on Alta (just under the never-ending trellis).  Some say the house itself is staging a comeback.  Others insist it was a message from the Busy Bee homeowner.  As for me, I think the message refers to my blog, which is finally coming back as I sort out more issues with my PC!

BACK IN THE BLOGOSPHERE ...

Good news ... it looks like I may be back in the Blogosphere soon.  For those who don't know, my laptop crashed two weeks ago, leaving my ability to post photos and blog entries somewhat handicapped.  But there's light at the end of the tunnel:  I got my laptop back last night.  Unfortunately, the system was "wiped" (an IT term, I guess, for demolished), meaning it may take me a little time to get back up and running ... but at least I'll have the ability to upload photos again!

BALDERDASH ...!

Kathy reigned supreme this weekend in the San Vicente Balderdash Challenge.  Indeed, the rest of us seemed to be suffering from IDIOLALLA by contrast.  Maybe with a little more VENNOOTSCHAP the rest of us might stand a chance!

FINDING RELIGION AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

My trip to Starbucks Thursday was a near religious experience as a mysterious newcomer sat at the table next door and began proselytising up a storm (or at the very least repeatedly muttering something about his personal connection with Jesus, who lent him a dollar).  Thank God Richard and Charlie were there to diffuse the attention.  Actually, by the time I left, Richard seemed to be losing his patience while Charlie finally found some religion!

ANOTHER LESSON IN THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS ...

7th and Montana is still buzzing two days after Kathy evidently set Gary straight regarding appropriate behavior at Starbucks.  Eyewitnesses report that -- in response to an off-color remark Gary made involving "knockers" -- Kathy essentially told Gary to clean up his language in mixed company.  The result?  On the one hand, Kathy cleared the air but no one expects those two to become bosom buddies anytime soon!

UPDATE: OUR FAVORITE BUILDING MANAGER

The crowd at 7th and Montana rejoiced this morning as Our Favorite Building Manager made a triumphant return.  While he has been Missing In Action for several weeks, reports that he was on a secret mission have been greatly exaggerated.  In truth, Ralph returned from three weeks in the hospital where he had brain surgery to remove a tumor.  The good news is that all is well and he is back in the saddle, again.  Welcome Back, Ralph!

MIA: OUR FAVORITE BUILDING MANAGER

The crowd at 7th and Montana has been buzzing regarding the recent absence of Our Favorite Building Manager.  Was he pressed into duty on a secret spy mission?  Is he parachuting in the Alps?  Or has he merely gone fishin'?  According to Local Expert Dennis, he's no longer managing our favorite building!

SORRY, CHARLIE ...!

Rumor has it that Poor Charlie had a rough Thanksgiving in Richard's absence.  Photographic evidence suggests he spent the holiday moping around Palisades Park.  Moreover, inside sources at a certain luxury high-rise reported hearing Charlie barking and howling all night, but then again, perhaps that was just the Building Management ...!

FROM BOISE TO NOISY AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

The crowd went from Boise to Noisy and all points in between this morning as Curtis (#1), a friendly visitor from Idaho, got a crash course in 7th and Montana etiquette.  Dennis waxed poetic while Gordon graded papers (#2);  Hell's Angels breezed-in on their Harleys (#3);  and a Loudmouth-with-her-Cell-Phone-on-Full-Blast treated us all to her conversation (#4).  The Smoker-of-the-Day (#5) seemed polite by comparison!   

CRANBERRY BLISS FROM A STRANGER ...?

Imagine my surprise this morning when a friendly newcomer at the next table offered me a Cranberry Bliss Bar.  Evidently, Our Favorite Zombie gave him an extra.  While I was certainly grateful for the holiday good cheer, I couldn't help noticing what appeared to be distinct bite marks in the pastry in question (see Photo #2).  I guess it's true what they say, "Bliss is in the eye of the beholder!"

ONE GOOD LEAK DESERVES ANOTHER ...!

Seventh Street was aghast this morning on news that the mysterious Bag of Leeks left strategically in front of Our Favorite Fixer Upper has gone missing.  Perhaps the Lady of the House decided to make some Leek Soup?  Then, again, Lord knows she already has plenty of leaks to spare!

JIBS, JABS AND JOBS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

It was a day for odd jobs today as the gang compared notes regarding post-Thanksgiving chores.  While Bob and Howard will be cleaning debris from their rooftop gutters, Joyce said that she and Bob have some weeding to do.  But it was odd Jobs of another kind that really captured our interest as the Apple of Silicon Valley's eye, Steve Jobs, paid a visit to 7th and Montana (see the back of his head, just behind Joyce)!

MAKE MINE A ZOMBIE ...!

Local authorities issued a Zombie Alert at 7th and Montana this morning as an apparent refugee from Night of the Living Dead took control of the Barista counter at Starbucks.  Kathy, who believes this particular Barista is missing an essential chromosome, had to bring her drink back three times before it passed muster.  Her order?  A simple vente chai tea latte with nonfat milk and six pumps of chai, no foam, extra hot!   

GIVING THANKS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

There was much to be thankful for this morning at 7th and Montana:  Genevieve was thankful for getting a great deal on a snazzy new car;  Kathy was thankful to Babalu for their signature Chocolate Brownie Banana Cream Pie and the crew at Starbucks was thankful that they can finally play Christmas Carols without feeling totally humiliated!

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER BLOG ...!

I've just launched a "professional" blog on ZDnet (a well-known site for the high-tech crowd) together with Andy Parsons of Pioneer.  Called Blu-ray Buzz, it's all about Blu-ray high-definition entertainment.  Here's a link:  Blu-ray Buzz. 

A HOUSE DIVIDED ...!

There were signs of progress at the schizophrenic new home at 7th and Montana this morning, as workers began putting Italian-style roofing tiles in place.  What a nice complement to the overall eclectic mix of elements.  What could be next ... a case of the shingles?!?   

DON'T SHOOT ME ... !

It was "Lights, Camera, Action!" this morning on Palisades Ave as a film crew, catering trucks and a bevy of police officers went into full Hollywood mode.  "Don't shoot me!" I shouted to some friendly police officers as they made me wait several minutes for the cameras to stop rolling.  As for the production crew, they seemed to be fixated on the unassuming house pictured here.

PROPAGANDA, AHOY ...!

I finally watched the DVD David gave me:  "Peace, Propaganda & the Promised Land."  The general premise of this video seems to be that the Israelis have manipulated the U.S. media into downplaying the plight of the Palestinians in Israeli-occupied territories.  No offense, David, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm keeping my conversations at 7th and Montana focused on Egg Nog Latte ...!

RECEPTACLES AND SPECTACLES AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

Cathy waxed poetic today when she told Natalie, "You're really just a receptacle" moments before Natalie began breastfeeding Helena (#1,2).  Then, again, maybe we're all just receptacles these days.  Liz was the receptacle of a Birthday (#3);  Our Favorite Intersection was a receptacle for a gaggle of cyclists (#4,5,6); and something tells me Starbucks won't be happy until we're all just receptacles for Egg Nog Latte (#7)!

UP, UP AND AWAY FROM PALM SPRINGS

It was onward and upward this morning as I checked out the Palm Springs Aerial Tramway with some colleagues before heading home.  The view from what they call the Grubbs Viewpoint -- at more than 8,500 feet above the desert -- was anything but Grubby!

MORE EATING IN PALM SPRINGS ...

I'm continuing to eat my way through Palm Springs with my colleagues.  Tonight I organized a pleasantly QUIET evening at a restaurant that serves SEAFOOD among other things.  Actually, the place -- called Copley's -- was quite good.  Not only was the food great, but the restaurant itself used to be Cary Grant's Palm Springs estate.

EATING AND MEETING IN PALM SPRINGS ...

I've been holed up in meetings in Palm Springs with a schedule that goes something like this:  Eat, Meet, Eat, Meet, Meet, Eat and then we all get together to Eat Meat.  However, I think I've figured out the strategy of my corporate hosts at Warner Bros.:  They've kindly given me a room that comes with its own work-out equipment including an exercise bike, exercise ball and weights!

BUTTING OUT AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Newbie Father Greg went into full protective mode this morning, shielding Helena from not one but two smokers at 7th and Montana.  Shortly after the unsavory character pictured here lit up a cigarette, Greg asked him to extinguish it for Helena's sake.  Surprisingly enough, the man complied.  I guess he didn't want to have his butt kicked!

THE ADVENT OF INFLATABLE PUBS ...!

Leave it to my friend, Anthony, owner of Patrick's Roadhouse, to come up with the perfect money making scheme for today's inflated economy.  His latest venture -- Inflatable Pubs -- speaks for itself.  Perfect for block parties and corporate events, these inflatable pubs give you the look and feel of an English Pub on your lawn in minutes.  As the slogan says, "Just Add the Beer."  And don't forget your Inflate-a-Date ...!

A NEW LINE-UP AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Just when we got used to the latest crop of newbies at 7th and Montana, Starbucks introduced a new line-up of another kind.  The line-up of locals waiting to get into Starbucks this morning stretched across the store, onto the sidewalk and nearly to 7th Street.  Why the wait?  Inside sources blame it on a broken cash register!

NO MORE FLACK AT FLAX ...?

Nearly two years after the "Flax Pen to Paper" store in Westwood treated me like a criminal for trying to exchange the defective ink cartridge in a pen, I decided to give the store another chance.  Unfortunately, they're the only place in town that sells the brand of pen I like.  Let's keep the fingers crossed!

STARBUCKS TO EMPLOYEES: HO, HO, HO ... YOU'RE FIRED!

First they take over the world, then they force us to celebrate Christmas before Thanksgiving.  That, in a chestnutshell, seems to be Starbucks' corporate strategy.  Today Starbucks went into full holiday mode complete with Christmas Displays and Holiday Music.  Evidently, employees who tried to hold off the "festivities" until the actual holiday season were threatened with dismissal!

LIFE'S A BEACH AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Maybe it was the beach weather we've been having, maybe it was just poor judgment, but -- whatever the reason -- yet another hapless motorist beached her car in Our Favorite Parking Lot this morning.  In this case, the poor woman didn't know what hit her.  Naturally, I was happy to set her straight!    

 

LUNCH IS A CABARET, OLD CHUM ...!

Everyone's Favorite Lounge Lizard Liza Minnelli made a surprise appearance today at the Hamburger Hamlet on Sunset and yours truly was there to capture the event for posterity.  Granted, she looks like a shapeless blob (see Photo #1) but then, again, so would you if you were scarfing down Bloody Marys at lunch!

PARTY TIME AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...?

An unenlightened newcomer (pictured here) surprised onlookers at Starbucks today by repeatedly asking Nada to add some Bailey's to his coffee.  Boy was he in the wrong place!  Everyone knows Castle Ivar is the place to be.  That's where the Brazilians -- Nico and Rudy -- are hosting a shindig on Saturday complete with Samba Dancers and Salsa Music.  Rumor has it the party is strictly BYOB (Bring Your Own Bailey's ...)!  

WHOSE RAISING THESE OBNOXIOUS KIDS ...?!?

Rumor has it the bloom's off the rose where Kovar's career in higher education is concerned.  Without getting into details, let's just say the students sound especially annoying.  How do they get that way?  Perhaps we can ask the Adorable Tyke who practically chased Kovar out of Starbucks this morning and subsequently threw her latte at the store window (see photo #2)! 

MANY HAPPY RETURNS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

It was Many Happy Returns this morning as Howard and Cathy returned from their Jazz Cruise;  Zoey returned from wherever Zoey goes; Greg and Jude made the scene with Hudson; Bob shared tales of his near brush with jury duty; Greg, Natalie and Helena returned for more caffeine; Paul and Ralph returned from separate trips to Las Vegas and the Pesky Tree Trimmers treated us to the Return of the Starbucks Chainsaw Massacre!    

WELCOME, HELENA ...!

There's a new bundle of joy at 7th and Montana and I don't mean the seasonal shipment of Cranberry Bliss Bars!  On Sunday, Greg and Natalie welcomed Helena Koubek to the world.  Three days later, the crowd at Starbucks had their chance.  Welcome to 7th and Montana, Helena and Congratulations to the Koubek Clan! 

QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE ...!

Look out, Hollywood, there's a new Superstar in town.  The self-proclaimed "Queen of the Universe" (according to her license plate holder) parked her SUV in my reserved spot at work today.  What a Royal pain.  Naturally, I called a tow service ...! 

ANOTHER ITEM FOR RIPLEY'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT ...!

If anyone out there is suffering from Kidney Stones, take heart:  As this sign welcoming visitors to Boston's Logan Airport clearly suggests, things could always be worse.  I'm not sure which is scarier:  This man's expression or the scope of his ailment!

MY GRANDFATHER ...

I've been observing a moment of silence in cyberspace in memory of my Grandfather, Wally Garber, who passed away on Friday at the age of 92.  He was one of the best people I've ever known and a real inspiration to my whole family.  I'll miss you, Grandpa!

WHIPPED TO PERFECTION AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

It was Foam Sweet Foam for Twins Leah and Karenina this morning as they enjoyed the frothy kind of cappuccino that has made Nada famous.  However, even with Nada back in the saddle, many wonder whether she, alone, can restore Our Favorite Starbucks to its former glory.  Let's face it:  It's one thing to whip up a cappuccino and another to whip the latest crop of Newbies into shape!

NADA'S BACK ...!

Beloved Barista Nada was back in the saddle this morning after a brief sojourn in Arizona.  Apparently, Nada missed us as much as we missed her.  Nada said, "Our District Manager told me that sales at 7th and Montana went way down after I left."  Stay tuned to this space for continuing coverage of Nada's Back (and occasional coverage of her front, too ...)!

FROM HAIR TO ETERNITY ...!

It was like a scene out of "Running with Scissors" this morning as Joyce's hairstylist did his utmost to ignore us at 7th and Montana.  Despite various gestures from Joyce -- alternating between "Hello" and "I need a haircut" -- this Busy Bee Barber seemed downright snippy.  I guess it's true what they say:  Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow ...!

THE CASE OF THE MISSING BANANA ...!

Tongues were wagging at 7th and Montana this morning regarding the disappearance yesterday of the mysterious Banana in our Midst.  New photographic evidence suggests that Starbucks was especially well-stocked today with Banana Walnut Loaf (#1), Banana Bran Muffins (#2) and Reduced Fat Banana Chocolate Chip Coffee Cake (#3).  Coincidence?  I think not!

GOING BANANAS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

We've all seen our share of fruits and nuts at 7th and Montana, but someone really took the cake this morning by strategically saving a table with a Banana.  Even Actor Tom Bosley raised an eyebrow as he drove by in his snazzy Nissan Altima.  I would have told him that the table was up for grabs, but he no doubt had a Banana in his ear!    

TIM'S BACK ... WITH HIS CLIPBOARD!

Many, it seems, took note of a quiet newcomer who spent several weeks taking notes of his own at 7th and Montana earlier in the year.  At long last, the Mystery of the Clipboard has been solved.  Tim returned from hiatus yesterday and explained that his notes -- featured in Photo #2 -- are a form of meditation and organization!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BIRTHDAY, BIRTHDAY ...!

It was a Birthday Trifecta today as our own Howard Stone marked the occasion of three birthdays -- his mother's, his son's and his own -- with a less than Perfectly Toasted Bagle.  Congratulations, Howard!  If your family has one more child on October 22, you could start your own Stone Age!   

OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Weeks after accepting a job at an Armenian Church, Our Favorite Building Manager may have found a new calling ... as a language translator in Iraq.  This ad, spotted in an Arabic language newspaper, says it all:  You can "Make a Difference" if you have the right language skills.  Just one question:  Do they have Starbucks on the front lines?

SCHOOL DAZE ...!

School was in session this morning as a group of first graders paid a visit to 7th and Montana for what appeared to be a lesson in Endangered Species.  "Look behind you, kids, at the derelict smoking a cigarette.  After the elections, we'll probably ship our homeless to Westwood (for their own good) and impose a ban on cigarettes at Starbucks.  Aren't Endangered Species fun?  Next stop:  Patty's Pizza!"

AN EDUCATION AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Mike Piscal, President of L.A.'s Inner City Education Foundation taught the crowd a thing or two this morning about helping at-risk kids get a decent education.  Kudos, Mike, you're doing a bang-up job.  Moments later, it was a bang-up of another kind as an attractive newcomer introduced her rental car to Our Favorite Curb.  Mike:  I hope your curriculum includes Drivers' Ed!  

WHERE THERE'S SMOKE ...!

The Powers That Be in my condo building have issued the latest in their popular series of "Dear Idiot" communiques.  Today's memo served as a reminder to avoid burning actual logs in our decorative gas fireplaces.  I ask you, who in their right mind would build a real fire in a fireplace that comes equipped with a remote control, anyway?  

GOODBYE PATTY ...!

Rumor has it that local fixture Patty's Pizza is leaving the neighborhood at the end of the month.  According to sources familiar with the situation, the popular pizzeria balked at its monthly rental costs.  Afterall, any way you slice it, $10,000 a month is a lot of dough for a small pizzeria.  On the other hand, perhaps the location might be of interest to a certain would-be Falafel magnate!

HOME AGAIN, HOME AGAIN ... JIGGETY JIG!

With all due respect to Thomas Wolfe, I learned this morning that you can go home again!  Having cancelled my original return to attend a potential meeting in London, you can imagine my surprise on learning that London was a "no go."  With minutes to spare, I scrambled my way onto a return flight and not a moment too soon:  Today marked the first sign of frost in Amsterdam!

I TREK, UTRECHT ...!

Utrecht is one of my favorite cities and, thanks to my blog, if I can trek around Utrecht, you can trek there, too.  Our journey begins at the Domplein (1), a Dutch version of 7th and Montana, just under the shadow of the Dom, an 11th Century Church tower (3).  I spent hours exploring miles of canals (5-8), quaint streets and shops (9-16).  Just remember, the tour ain't over till the Fat Lady sings (17)!

HAPPY PEOPLE COFFEESHOP ...!

Not to suggest that we don't have our share of smiling faces at 7th and Montana, but only in Amsterdam can you find the "Coffeeshop Happy People."  Why all the happy, smiling faces?  For one thing, I'll bet they don't have to deal with a revolving door of Baristas ...!

MY FAVORITE THINGS ...!

"Geldrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens ... "  O.K. I'll admit it, these definitely aren't a few of My Favorite Things, but I'm thrilled to be finally packing my bags after a grueling week in Geldrop and heading for -- errr -- points unknown ...!

THE MEGA DISK ADVENTURE!

Imagine my surprise as a group of us were shuttled off to a "mystery adventure" tonight.  The adventure turned out to be a game of Mega Disks -- an unusual combination of shuffleboard and skeetball -- at the world famous Bistro de Molen in a town called Heeze.  While I stink at Mega Disks, I was thrilled to discover that the disks themselves look surprisingly like one of Howard's perfectly toasted bagels!

THE PYROMANIAC SPECIAL ...

There was a certain "glow" about one of my colleagues from China today and it wasn't just that it was his 40th Birthday.  When I asked the Paradijs Restaurant in downtown Geldrop to bring him a Birthday Surprise, they arrived moments later with a scoop of Nuclear Ice Cream, ablaze with fireworks.  I guess the "surprise" was that they wanted to really send him to "Paradijs."

KIBBLES 'N BITS ... WHAT A SURPRISE!

"Kibbles 'n Bits, Kibbles 'n Bits ... I got to get me some Kibbles 'n Bits!"  That popular dog food refrain was running through my head this evening as I was offered an interesting tray of "nibbles" at the local watering hole in Geldrop.  The selection included:  Balls of Pureed Meat, Fried Meat Logs and Star Shaped Fish Bits.  It was all quite tasty though I wonder whether Toby would have bothered to stand guard over this plate!

GELDROPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD ...!

Well, I made it to Geldrop safe and sound after a long night's journey into day (from L.A. to Chicago to Amsterdam to Eindhoven and finally Geldrop).  What is Geldrop like, you might ask?  All I can say so far is that it seems very rural.  There are even horses wandering around outside my hotel room.  Thus far, I've avoided stepping in any Geldroppings but then again, the night is still young!

MOVIN' ON UP ...?

After months of inactivity, a rental truck appeared at our Favorite Fixer Upper this week.  Could a new neighbor at long last be moving in?  Unlikely, given the holes in the roof.  Could the owner at long last be delivering badly needed fixtures and roofing materials?  I wouldn't hold my breath! 

QUEASY RIDER AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Poor Kathy had her head in her hands and her heart on her sleeve this morning as she regaled us with stories from her Motorcycle Training Class.  It seems that the instructor gave her the proverbial boot.  Don't sweat it, Kathy:  I flunked motorcycle training, too.  I guess some of us are just naturally born Queasy Riders!

IN A CRUNCH AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

An attractive newcomer crashed the party this morning at 7th and Montana.  The unwitting, young woman pulled a rare double-header, first introducing her shiny minivan to Our Favorite Curb, then scraping her muffler against the nearby Island from Hell.  "Don't worry," I consoled her.  "It's not like the incident will end up online!"  I've deleted her head from the attached photo to protect her identity ... 

ALONG CAME A SPIDER ...!

Our neighborhood has been invaded by creepy, crawly insects ... and I don't mean the "slumlords" who made an appearance at 7th and Montana this morning.  Giant spiders seem to be hanging out everywhere (enlarge the photo to see what I mean).  In related news, the arachnids who manage a certain Santa Monica luxury building continue spinning their web of deceit, this time slapping poor Richard with a frivolous lawsuit!

KEEPING AN EYE ON NUTRITION ...

Forget the Pumpkin Muffins.  Tell the chef to stop baking Cranberry Bliss Bars.  Starbucks has added an eye-opening new item to the menu at 7th and Montana:  Chocolate Covered Eyeballs.  Sold in packages of 13 on a decorative Halloween platter, the Eyeballs are the perfect complement to any meal.  I would have ordered a plateful myself, but I guess my eyes were bigger than my stomach!

BUSTED ON SUNSET ...

Far be it from me to incur the wrath of anyone named Busta, but sometimes I just can't resist.  There I was this afternoon at Mel's Diner on Sunset, when a "Big Bang Bus" pulled right alongside me and out popped Gangsta hero Busta Rhymes.  Moments after I captured this photo, a bodyguard yelled, "No Photos!"  Frankly, if it weren't for my colleague, Lyndsey, I wouldn't know Busta Rhymes from Busta Brown!

WHERE THERE'S SMOKE ...!

No ifs, ands or butts:  An inconsiderate smoker -- we'll call him The Marlborough Man -- ignited a storm of controversy this morning at 7th and Montana.  Not only did he smoke incessantly, but he also carelessly threw his butts in the flower bed.  I guess it's true what they say, "Where there's smoke, there's ire!"

IS STARBUCKS GOING TO THE DOGS ...?!?

Anyone at 7th and Montana this morning would think Our Favorite Starbucks has gone to the dogs.  The dog-to-human ratio reached an all-time high (and that's not counting such regulars as Toby, Noah and Charlie).  By far the most interesting breed, however, was the "Doggone Idiot" in the Lamborghini who marked his territory in the no parking zone (See Photo 4).  That nincompoop should be impounded!

BAGEL INFRACTION AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Don't tell Canter's -- and mums the word at Nate n' Als -- but rumor has it that Howard appeared on the scene at 7th and Montana this morning with a less than perfectly toasted bagel.  In fact, photographic evidence suggests that the bagel in question was barely toasted.  Even Our Pal Zoey sniffed in displeasure at such a clear infraction of Bagel Protocol!  

A SURPRISE FROM LEAH ...!

Just when you think you've seen everything at 7th and Montana, you're in for a real surprise.  There I was this morning, minding my own business, when Leah amazed me by pulling a packet of artificial sweetener out of her bra.  Rumor has it Karenina is equally resourceful.  I guess that's what makes them such bosom buddies!

THREE CHAIRS FOR MARIO ...

Three chairs for Newbie Starbucks Manager Mario, who was quick to recognize and respond to a little problem this morning at 7th and Montana.  "Your chair is broken," he told me, helpfully.  For my part, I was so impressed that I practically gave him a standing ovation.  Mark my words, this man is going places.  Anyone can see he has Chairman written all over him!

NERVOUS NELLY ...!

Tongues and tails were wagging this morning as a mysterious newcomer unleashed his dog, Nelly, on the crowd at 7th and Montana.  Every time he left Nelly unattended, the resourceful pooch untied herself and went for a stroll.  Fortunately, he had more luck where his laptop was concerned.  It stayed put despite the fact that it was left on the sidewalk for all to see!

THE ROAD TO RIO ...!

Real estate agents across Santa Monica rejoiced this morning as word spread that the notorious "Mr. Evil" -- known for tossing away Open House signs all over town -- is gearing up for a move of his own. The irrepressible curmudgeon announced that he's moving to Rio de Janeiro next year!

THAT'S PROFESSOR KOVAR TO YOU ...!

Academia will never be the same:  Starting next week Kovar begins teaching a weekly course in photography at the California Institute of Art.  As of this morning, he was busy finalizing the syllabus.  Congratulations, Kovar ... we always knew you were a class act!

AKEELAH REVISITED ...

"Pursue Your Dreams, Just Like Akeelah Did."  That was the mantra posted throughout Our Favorite Starbucks this morning as the latest crop of Newbies struggled to get an order right.  While Quinn said she might return to active duty occasionally to help train the newcomers, she's busy pursuing her dream of teaching special needs students.  Think about it, Quinn, another stint at Starbucks these days might be just what you're looking for!

A NEW CALLING FOR AN OLD FRIEND!

The crowd at Starbucks was abuzz this morning on news that Our Favorite Building Manager has found a new calling.  The multi-lingual, multi-talented man-about-town has accepted a new job working at an Armenian Church in Glendale.  He's also looking for construction projects together with the Plumber pictured here.  Let's hope they lend their expertise to the "Fixer Upper" at 7th and Alta!

A POP QUIZ FOR NEWBIES ...!

It was time for a pop quiz this morning at 7th and Montana.  Here's the question:  Say you're a Newbie employee at Starbucks and a customer leaves her keys on the counter.  Do you:  A). Ignore the keys and hope they go away?;  B).  Scratch your head and shrug your shoulders?; C). Maintain a glazed expression at all times?; or D) All of the above.  The answer, of course, is "D!"

WHEN THE PROMENADE IS TOO FAR A-FIELD ...

Next time you're at the Third Street Promenade, look out for Flying Nuns.  At an event sponsored by Philips last night, Sally Field -- on receiving a Premiere Icon award -- told the audience she did her own informal survey asking people on the Promenade if they recognized her.  They didn't.  Other winners included Annette Bening (pictured here as a blob behind the podium), Cate Blanchett and Sofia Coppola.

REST IN PIECES ...

If you've driven anywhere near the corner of San Vicente and Bundy, you've probably noticed that it looks like Ted Bundy attacked one of the Coral Trees.  Eyewitnesses report that one of the more majestic specimens toppled over last week and has subsequently been chopped into dozens of pieces left on the median strip.  Alas, poor Coral Tree, I knew it well ... 

DISCOMBOBULATED AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

I'm usually the first to say that "change is good" but recent changes at Our Favorite Starbucks seem a bit -- well -- disorienting.  As if the army of "newbies" weren't enough, they've moved the condiments table based on the advice of an interior decorator.  The whole thing was enough to encourage Paul to start quietly getting his coffee at Pavilions and bringing it with him to 7th and Montana!

TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF ...?

It was a morning of surprises as Mr. and Mrs. xxxx-lord made the scene.  While Mrs. xxxx-lord used her newspaper to save a table for some nearby regulars, Mr. xxxx-lord said a cheery "hello" to one and all.  It would take more than a few pleasantries to win me over, but Charlie seemed completely convinced.  The unpredictable sheepdog siddled up to the controversial couple for the duration!

MYSTERY REVEALED ...!

It's time to set the record straight regarding our "mystery photo." The photo was taken at Our Favorite Intersection -- none other than 7th and Montana -- more than 50 years ago. Evidence reveals that a Standard Oil gas station stood at the intersection throughout the 1950's. Funny how things change. Now when people ask for High Octane they end up getting a Double Espresso. Thanks for the photo, Tom!

OOPS ...!

Oh well, I guess I was so busy trying to shove everything but gels and liquids into my suitcase at dawn this morning that I left my little bag of cables, cufflinks and other essentials -- including my brain -- in Denver.  Enough is enough.  Maybe it's time to stay home for a while.

NAME THAT GAS STATION, PART TWO

O.K., it's been nearly a week and we still don't have a winner in the "Name That Gas Station Contest."  Come on, guys, doesn't anyone recognize anyone or anything familiar about this photo?!?  We've had a couple of close guesses but so far, no dice.  One way or another, all will be revealed on Saturday!

ROCKS IN MY HEAD ...

Just when I was thinking I must have rocks in my head for bouncing between events in Denver and Newport Beach, I came across this unusual rock formation in my hotel in Denver.  It's so unique it, well, rocks!

BEHIND THE ORANGE CURTAIN ...!

What could possibly spoil a picture perfect day at a resort in Newport Beach?  Spending the whole day in a meeting room, that's what!  And it was my birthday to boot.  Oh well, it's Karenina's birthday, too.  Let's hope she did more to celebrate!

GOOD SAMARITAN ...?

A mysterious Good Samaritan -- the same gentleman known for removing Open House signs all over town -- did a good deed today by clearing off the table next to ours, creating space for Our Favorite City Councilman whose sister, Maria Shriver, drove by 7th and Montana to give him a playful tongue-lashing for spending Sunday morning at Starbucks instead of Church.  To each their own!

HELP WANTED ...?

Rumor has it that a qualified, multi-lingual Building Manager may be open to new career opportunities.  If anyone knows of a suitable position, just let me know.  Meanwhile, unless the owners of a certain building at 7th and Montana come to their senses, they may show up one day only to find a "Gone Fishin'" sign hanging from the office door!

NAME THAT GAS STATION ...!

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time to play "Name that Gas Station," the lively new game show that asks the musical question:  Can you tell Who or What is familiar about this photo from yesteryear?  The first person to guess correctly wins a free coffee of his or her choice at Our Favorite Starbucks!

THE MIGHTY QUINN LEAVES 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

It was a sad morning as The Mighty Quinn announced that she is leaving Starbucks to pursue other interests (see Photo 1 of the back of her head).  On a more cheerful note, the "Trimanic Depressive" at the cafe across from my office cracked a smile for the first time in two years today.  Why the sudden mirth?  Her toaster caught on fire! 

LITTLE WATER PITCHERS HAVE BIG EARS!

What evil lurks behind the gates at 700 San Vicente?  Just ask the Department of Water and Power!  Shortly after a DWP crew left the scene, residents noticed the following enigmatic message scrawled on the sidewalk at 7th and San Vicente:  "Your Water Crew is Heering You!" 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KOVAR ...!

There was much fanfare this morning at 7th and Montana as we celebrated Kovar's birthday.  Actually, Kovar himself tried to keep things relatively low-key, but the woman sitting at the next table was screeching up a storm (see Photo #2).  Look on the bright side, Kovar:  At least now we know what to get you for your birthday ... Noise Cancellation Headphones! 

QUEASY RIDER AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Santa Monica Police pulled over a motorcyclist this morning at the entry to Our Favorite Parking Lot and read him the riot act.  The driver -- an unidentified youth in his early 20's -- seemed increasingly nervous under police questioning.  Bottom Line:  If you're riding a motorcycle without a helmet, you need your head examined in more ways than one!

A FAREWELL TO WALLS ...!

I bid "Auf Wiedersehen" yesterday to Berlin and returned to Sunny Santa Monica.  Before I left, I paid a final visit to the remains of the Berlin Wall (pictured here beside my hotel at Potsdamer Platz).  While portions of the wall remain on display for tourists, it's hard to tell whether the City is commemorating an important milestone or advertising the availability of "Weeney" (see Photo 1)!

THE SECURITY GUARDS THAT TIME FORGOT ...!

Yesterday in Berlin I met two security guards who must have been cryogenically frozen during World War II and defrosted just in time to work at the IFA Consumer Electronics Show.  Despite the fact that I had my exhibitor badge, booth credentials and identification with me, they wouldn't let me into the convention center.  Rather than explain that I could simply use another door 100 yards away, these graduates of the Cro Magnon School of Diplomacy spent 15-minutes needlessly yelling at me.  For my part, I threatened to e-mail their bosses the many unflattering photos I took of them during our conversation!

WHITE TRASH IN BERLIN ...

Now I've seen everything:  A restaurant in Berlin called White Trash Fast Food has taken every stereotype of the ugly American and served it up on a tasteless platter.  With a menu ranging from "F..ck You French Fries" to "Up Yours Cheeseburgers," waitresses with more tattoos and nose rings than they know what to do with and music that would make Slim Whitman cringe, White Trash is a real adventure.  Best of all, there's a cover charge!

ACHTUNG, BABY ...!

I don't know whether it's my "high speed" connection here in what used to be East Berlin or something's going wrong at AOL, but I'm having a terrible time trying to post updates to this blog.  It's enough to make me want to bang my head against what's left of the Berlin Wall (which is conveniently located beside my hotel)!

BLOGGING FROM THE STRATOSPHERE ...!

Ladies and Gentlemen:  This just might be one of the first blog entries ever from an airplane (I'm testing a new in-flight wireless service from Boeing).  The news from the sky is that chivalry is as dead at 30,000 feet as it is at sea level.  After watching the woman in front of me struggle to stuff her duffle bag in the overhead bin, a man sitting near her pulled her bag out again, claiming it might wrinkle his suit.  I took pictures the whole time!

GOING, GOING, GONE ...!

"Where are all your friends today?"  That was the question the nice lady at the next table (pictured here) asked me this morning at 7th and Montana.  Since she asked:  Kovar is in Chicago, Our Favorite Building Manager is in Canada, Howard and Cathy are in Colorado, Terry is in Firenze and Bob and Joyce are MIA (presumably at Big Bear).  It's enough to make me want to hit the road, too.  Stay tuned for further updates!

TWIGGY MAKES AN APPEARANCE ON 7TH STREET!

Fans of the towering Eucalyptus (pronounced "you-clipped-us") trees on 7th Street take heart!  The City of Santa Monica has replaced the eleven mature trees they removed with genuine twigs.  As these "before and after" photos suggest, the newbie trees might offer some actual shade ... in the next century.  Meanwhile, don't go anywhere near them with a wet noodle, or you might just bowl them over!  

GREECE IS THE WORD ...!

Greece was the word today at 7th and Montana as Genevieve returned from a month-long sojourn to Skopelos, an island retreat known for its peace and tranquility.  Evidently, Toby was surprisingly peaceful and tranquil on Genevieve's return.  The beloved pooch merely nodded his head in her direction as if to request a treat!

UP, UP AND AWAY ...!

Things were looking up today at 7th Street's latest renovation project as an unsightly new story began to take shape atop a charming bungalow.  Oh well, another day, another construction project!  Maybe Fabrizio has the right idea ... he's getting ready to high-tail it back to Firenze for a while!

A REAL GLASS ACT AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

The on-again, off-again home construction project near 7th and Montana was definitely on-again this morning as workers installed actual windows in what neighbors have begun calling "Molasses House."  While some viewed the addition of windows as a sign of progress, I won't start celebrating until they remove the Porta-Potty! 

WHO PUT THE GOOSE IN GOOSE EGG PARK ...?

Ever wonder why they call that oval patch of land near Howard and Cathy's house "Goose Egg Park?"  Some say it's shaped like a goose egg.  Others say it's just a sanctuary for every silly goose in town.  Yesterday I spotted a real Loon there:  A middle-aged gentleman in business attire posing like an airplane in flight.  It was enough to make me think Tai Chi is for the birds!

OUR VERY OWN ENERGIZER BUNNY ...!

It might have been a slow news day at 7th and Montana, but that didn't stop our very own Energizer Bunny from making her appointed rounds.  The dignified lady -- pictured here in her usual walking outfit, hat and cane -- arrived on the scene shortly after 9:00 and stopped for a quick rest before continuing, undaunted, up 7th Street.  Nice to know some things never change!

A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN ...!

It was a match made in heaven for my sister Karen and hubbie Doug last night at Granite Links in Quincy.  The bride was especially beautiful, but don't just take my word for it.  Check out this photo (of the back of her head).  Professional photos will be available at grazierphotography.com! 

GOOD LUCK, TWINKLE-TOES ...!

In what was either a lucky "coincidence" or shrewd organization on my sister's part, a troop of dance instructors from the "Fred Astaire" studios arrived on-the-scene last night to instruct my future brother-in-law in the fine art of ballroom dancing.  By the time the impromptu lesson was over, Doug was out-maneuvering Fred Astaire himself.  Then, again, Fred Astaire died of pneumonia in 1987 ...!

FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF STARBUCKS ...

Eureka!  I finally discovered a little corner of the world where they don't allow Starbucks:  My home town of Scituate, Mass.  In order to get my grande drip and a wireless connection this morning, I had to drive to nearby Cohasset, where Starbucks quietly took over what used to be our local bank.  I have to admit, the drive-through window is a nice touch.  I'm sure I'll stop by tomorrow to make a withdrawal!

CLAUSTROPHOBIA AT 30,000 FEET ...?

While I was at the airport this morning, news spread that a claustrophobic woman caused a ruckus on a flight from Heathrow, arousing suspicions among her fellow passengers with a screwdriver, matches and Vaseline.  What's the world coming to?  More importantly, isn't Vaseline considered a gel?  What next, assault and battery with a jar of Brilliantine?!?

THEIR MINDS ARE IN THE GUTTER ...!

Ever wonder what sort of filth accumulates beneath 7th and Montana?  Well, look no further!  A work crew arrived on the scene today to clear all kinds of debris out of the gutter (see Photo #1).  Based on the sheer volume of their discoveries, I wouldn't have been surprised if they unearthed Jimmy Hoffa.   

COMMUNE SWEET COMMUNE ...?

What do you add to the neighborhood that has everything?  A local developer evidently decided that what we really need North of Montana is a combination "Refugee Center" and "Place of Worship."  Best of all, they want to destroy the Teriton Garden Apartments on San Vicente to build it.  Let's hope the City nips this terrible idea in the bud and rides the developer out of town on a rail!

A RARE TREAT AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Actor Treat Williams made a rare appearance at 7th and Montana this morning, pulling into Our Favorite Starbucks in a zippy Mustang convertible.  But an even bigger treat was in store for us as Terry and Fabrizio arrived on the scene.  In fact, if you expand the view of Photo #2, you can see Terry and Fabrizio's reflection in the Starbucks door as it closes on Treat Williams.

SNAP, CRACKLE AND POP AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Kathy scored us ringside seats this morning near Our Favorite Parking Lot where we could watch car after car bang and clunk its way into Starbucks.  While Leah directed traffic, Karenina dreamed of opening an autobody repair shop.  One unhappy woman popped a cog as her boyfriend introduced their shiny, new BMW to the curb.  A good time was had by all!

JENNA REVISITED ...!

After seeing Jenna Linnekens' comments on my previous item about her bid for Santa Monica City Council, I decided that my original post was too glib (especially my comments regarding her rascally black Lab Dante).  A number of us think Jenna has good ideas and, as hard as it is to get new candidates elected, I say let's give her a chance.  Here's to a new Jenna-ration of leadership!

THE LITTLE PRO ...!

Mason sure doesn't waste any time.  Just yesterday he mentioned that he's busy promoting his father's new book -- Playing a Round with the Little Pro: A Life in the Game -- and today there's a great article in The Los Angeles Times about Mason's father, Eddie Merrins, the head pro at Bel-Air Country Club for 40 years.  Way to go, Mason!  Playing a Round with the Little Pro:  A Life in the Game (Simon & Schuster) is available wherever fine books are sold!

NEWBIE DOOBY DOO ...!

It was inevitable:  With all the "newbies" at 7th and Montana, I finally had to articulate my order this morning.  Granted, someone rushed right over with a Grande Drip saying "Got it, Got it" but by then the damage had been done.  Word has it we'll see even more turnover at Our Favorite Starbucks as the exodus to 26th and Wilshire continues.  I like Tanya as much as the next guy, but all this poaching has to stop!

LIGHTS, CAMERA, KOVAR ...!

Anyone who's into professional photography should check out the latest images from Kovar.  He just updated his website --  http://www.kovar.net -- to include some great new shots.  My favorites are in the collection he calls "Every Place and Soul" (just click on the cow).  Enjoy!

Cluck, Cluck, CLUNK ...!

Feathers were flying this weekend as news spread that Our Favorite Rooster-Mobile has been rear-ended (see Photo #2).  Authorities suspect fowl play.  Meanwhile, some dumb cluck rear-ended Kathy yesterday when she stopped for a pedestrian.  Let's face it folks, L.A. traffic is for the birds!     

A MATCH MADE ON LINCOLN ...!

Wedding bells were ringing on Lincoln yesterday as Joyce and Bob not only celebrated but also hosted Wes' wedding at their home.  Bob even performed the nuptials, after getting a certificate granting him the authority for a 24-hour period.  It sounds like the event went off without a hitch -- other than that of the happy couple.  Congratulations to all!

APOLOGIES ONE AND ALL ...

To everyone I kept waiting today, I apologize.  I know I promised to reveal the identity of the "mystery celebrity" I saw early this morning, but -- mea culpa -- I was delayed.  Moreover, I only managed to get this photo of the front of his head (not the back).  What can I say other than, "I'm sorry."  Then, again, as someone once said, "Love means never having to say you're sorry!"

THE KEYS TO SUCCESS ...!

Kudos to Santa Monica's very own Wes Abbott who is getting stellar reviews for his Manga Serial Dogby Walks Alone.  Way to go, Wes.  It sounds like you've discovered the keys to success!  Just don't leave them anywhere near your mother ... she's liable to inadvertently slip them into her purse and then, like Dogby, you might really end up "walking alone!"   

A BLAIR WITCH HUNT ...?!?

Imagine my surprise on arriving at the Century Plaza hotel for meetings yesterday to be greeted by a full-blown security force including a pack of German Shepherds.  Evidently, British Prime Minister Tony Blair was in residence.  Despite my best efforts, I only managed to get photos of his harried handlers rushing about the lobby.  What I wouldn't give for a decent photo of the back of Blair's head! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LEAH!

Where else but 7th and Montana would you find a set of twins who celebrate their birthdays two months apart?  While Leah celebrated her birthday on Monday, Karenina doesn't turn 26 until September.  In any case, Happy Birthday, Leah.  Judging from this photo of the back of your head, it looks like you've discovered the Fountain of Youth!  

MR. BIG

Meet "Mr. Big."  Mr. Big drives Mrs. Big's SUV all the way to Starbucks (two whole blocks from the Big House at 7th and Marguerita) for a Big cup of coffee.  Drive, Mr. Big, Drive!  Mr. Big blocks the entry to Our Favorite Parking Lot by parking wherever he likes.  Ha, Ha, Ha.  Laugh while you can, Mr. Big.  We're reporting you to Cathy ... !    

ANOTHER DOGGONE CANDIDATE ...!

Move over Bobby Shriver, Jenna Linnekens is running for Santa Monica City Council and she hit the campaign trail this morning at 7th and Montana.  While she seems to have a good command of the issues ranging from the homeless problem to our educational infrastructure, she didn't have much command of her dog, Dante, who got loose and barked up a storm.  Thank God she's not running for Dog Catcher!

THE WEEK IN REVIEW AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

It's been a busy week at 7th and Montana:  Pavillions reopened with much fanfare;  Bob and Joyce harvested a bumper crop of tomatoes; Selwyn harvested a bumper crop of bumblebees; The City of Santa Monica announced a new effort to ban smoking at outdoor venues;  A gabby group of Israelis descended upon Our Favorite Starbucks;  A bicyclist popped a tire;  and Nada announced that she's moving to Arizona!

A REAL DUTCH TREAT ...!

I enjoyed a real Dutch Treat yesterday as a colleague took me to dinner at a small village near Eindhoven where it was as if time stood still.  What could be better than a relaxing dinner outside -- surrounded by a cobblestone square and houses that have been around for centuries?  Here are some photos of the village.

"JUST SAY NO ...!"

Nancy Reagan must have connections at the Crown Hotel in Eindhoven.  A sign in my room reads:  "Dear Guest:  We hereby notify you that it is not permitted to keep or consume drugs in your room.  Thank you for your understanding."  What next, no smoking?!? 

I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM ...!

I scream, you scream, we all scream in 90-degree heat!  It's almost as hot here in the Netherlands as it is in Burbank but at Philips we've discovered a great way to beat the heat.  Today in the office we were treated to ice cream cones delivered on a silver tray.  Now that's what I call giving employees their just desserts!

HIRE THIS WOMAN AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Take down the Help Wanted signs at 7th and Montana!  Our Favorite Starbucks should recruit Baristas from the Dutch Railway System.  Imagine my surprise today when a polite young woman -- pictured here -- served me coffee and cappuccino from separate nozzles sticking out of her uniform.  A faucet attached to her back dispenses soup.  Let's not ask where she keeps the condiments! 

A UNIQUE EXPERIENCE ...!

What could be more unique than having coffee at 7th and Montana in the morning, rushing to catch a flight and emerging a full day later, just in time to meet a good friend for coffee?  A rendezvous near the wonderful "Cafe Unique" in Amsterdam, that's what!  Anyway, I'm glad I was able to catch some quality time with my friend, Marijke, before jumping on the train to Eindhoven.

HOME CLOSED TO THRU TRAFFIC ...!

Come One, Come All!  New neighbors have moved into the home near 7th and Montana and Our Favorite Building Manager is organizing a surprise home tour!  "The owners are my friends," he said.  "They have many beautiful plants.  Bring your camera!"  Interestingly, a sign appeared in front of the newly renovated home this morning reading:  "Road Closed to Thru Traffic!"

ANGEL TAKES FLIGHT ...!

Yet another Barista Extraordinaire is leaving Our Favorite Starbucks.  Rumor has it that Angel takes flight today, leaving 7th and Montana for greener pastures.  Where is he heading?  Where else but 26th and Wilshire to join Tanya and Company.  Good luck, Angel.  We look forward to meeting your Greenhorn replacement!

TWINS TIMES TWO ...!

It's official:  Santa Monica's most famous "twins" -- Leah and Karenina -- have some new competition.  Melinda and Kathy both arrived on the scene this morning wearing identical yellow tank tops and black pants.  Coincidence?   I think not!   

GLASS ACTION LAWSUIT ...?

A mysterious newcomer arrived on the scene at 7th and Montana today, muttering and puttering around the entry to Our Favorite Parking Lot while Bob, Joyce, Richard and I looked on (and Charlie growled).  He left under police escort shortly after smashing a bottle and flicking the shards in my general direction.  I guess one could say we avoided a glass action lawsuit! 

BILL GATES AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...?

Imagine my surprise when a complete stranger came by my table, said "hello" in my general direction and followed it up with "Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Bill Gates?"  At first I was horrified, but a quick glimpse at the woman sitting next to me (pictured here) suggests he might have meant her.  In fact, maybe she was Bill Gates.  Decide for yourself!

A HOLIER THAN THOU ATTITUDE AT OUR FAVORITE FIXER UPPER

I guess you could say the owner of Our Favorite Fixer Upper has developed a holier than thou attitude.  For those who haven't noticed, the plastic bags that have been decorating her roof for the past year have finally deteriorated, exposing gaping holes for all to see.  Said one neighbor, "Holy Moly, someone should finally put this tear-down out of its misery!"  

PAINTED INTO A CORNER AT 7TH AND SAN VICENTE ...

Another Lesson Learned:  When having your bedroom painted, don't forget to grab some clothes out of the closet before it's encased in plastic.  In other words, I've painted myself into a corner this weekend.  Meanwhile at Starbucks, discussion of the events in Lebanon with Our Favorite Building Manager left me feeling painted into another corner!

RETURN TO SENDER ...!

Chalk one up for the U.S. Postal Service.  In response to Genevieve's letter of apology for accidentally dropping a bag of Toby's poop into the mailbox, our Friendly Neighborhood Mailman evidently decided to return the favor.  He left the poop -- together with Genevieve's note -- on the curb at 7th and San Vicente!

MORE INTRIGUE AT THE ORANGE HOUSE ...!

Tongues were wagging at 7th and Montana as yet another firetruck pulled in front of the Garish Orange House this morning.  What could it be this time?  Dennis thinks a cat was stuck in a tree.  Genevieve thinks the zone around the Orange House has become our own Bermuda Triangle.  I think we're probably dealing with another case of what Cathy might call Acid Reflux Disease!

BRUTE FORCE AT 9229 SUNSET ...

I support a smoke-free environment as much as the next guy, but sometimes it seems like we're taking our anti-smoking laws a bit too far.  No sooner did my colleague, Chuck, step foot outside today for a quick cigarette, than a police car pulled over and a scary she-hulk of an officer came running towards him, rifle cocked.  Actually, further inquiries revealed that police were investigating a potential bank robbery next door! 

SPECIAL DELIVERY ... POSTAGE DOO!

Anyone looking for the real poop this morning at 7th and Montana need look no further than Genevieve.  While walking Toby, it seems that Genevieve accidentally dropped a plastic bag filled with dog poop into the mailbox.  Undaunted, she ordered a bran muffin for herself and Toby a few minutes later.  Gen: Sounds like your trip to Greece comes not a moment too soon.  Just don't send us any postcards!

HIS WORLD CUP RUNNETH OVER ...!

Our Favorite Building Manager -- an international man of mystery if there ever was one -- was understandably jubilant today based on Italy's victory in yesterday's World Cup match.  Of course, he said that in addition to being Italian, he's also French so he would have been happy if France won, as well.  Now that's what I call a win-win situation! 

THE PELICAN BRIEF ...

We've all seen some strange birds in Santa Monica, but what I saw walking around the beach yesterday really takes the cake.  A Pelican was strolling down Ocean Front Walk along with his good friend, a homeless man who -- judging from the smell -- must have been wearing anchovy cologne.  I guess you could say the two of them were like birds of a feather!

CIN CIN TO KATHY ...!

Congratulations to Kathy who just received her Italian citizenship.  Granted, she hasn't actually been to Italy yet, but now's her chance.  As for me, I've decided to apply for citizenship in Antarctica.  Who knows, by the time I retire it might be downright tropical there!

GRAND THEFT SHREK BIKE ...!

It was cause for celebration at 7th and Montana today as word spread that Greg's prized "Shrek" Bike was recovered, days after a would-be thief tried to steal it from his garage.  The suspect, last seen trolling down 7th Street, is described as "an excessively large, 35-year-old male with a bright green complexion and cone-shaped ears."

MANY HAPPY RETURNS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

It was like a family reunion today at 7th and Montana as Bob and Joyce returned from Big Bear (photos 1 and 2) and Fabrizio returned from Firenze to join his advance crew, Terri (photo 3).  Even Tanya returned from her new gig at Wilshire and 26th to say "hello" (photo 4).

EXPANDING OUR TERRITORY!

It's official.  After months of speculation I'm expanding the local coverage on this blog to include relevant news items from Patrick's Roadhouse where the latest development is that Manager Extraordinaire Silvio is training his son Mika on the cash register (see photo).  I'm open to suggestions on a new name for the blog as "Heard at Starbucks" is a bit limiting. 

INDEPENDENCE DAY AT 7TH AND MONTANA!

Is Our Favorite Starbucks slipping?  That was the question as Dennis declared his own Independence today by bringing coffee from Deidrich's to 7th and Montana.  Frankly, the other day one of the new Starbucks employees asked me to taste my Grande Drip to see if it came out OK, explaining that it "looked kinda funny."  It tasted funny, too, so he dumped the whole pot!

WHERE THERE'S SMOKE, THERE'S FIREWORKS ...

Holy Smokes!  A chain-smoking curmudgeon -- the same man who in recent weeks said "F--ck You" to Melinda when she said "Hello" and "Up Yours" to Our Favorite Building Manager for no apparent reason -- sat right alongside me today at Starbucks.  I considered asking him to put out his cigarette but decided to save the Fireworks for Independence Day!

SOMETHING FISHY ON 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Leave it to Kathy to get the real scoop behind the Garish Orange House on 7th Street.  Thanks to yet another mishap -- a motorcycle plowed into the Orange Homeowner's car this morning -- we learned the following:  the residents have lived in the Orange House for 40 years.  The color is called "Goldfish" and reminds them of Buenos Aires.  I always knew there was something "fishy" about that house! 

ISN'T IT DE-GLOVELY ...?!?

Natalie shared more tales from the Emergency Room with the crowd at 7th and Montana this morning.  It seems that one of her patients was "de-gloved" last night.  For those who don't know, this means that he accidentally peeled the skin entirely off one of his hands.  Not to worry, Natalie re-attached the relevant "skin flap" and the rest is history.  Isn't it "de-glovely?"

MR. TAMBOURINE MAN HITS 7TH AND MONTANA ...

Mr. Tambourine Man made an appearance today at 7th and Montana ... and I don't mean Our Favorite New Neighbor Bob Dylan.  A mysterious newcomer arrived on the scene -- driving the wrong way through Starbucks' parking lot -- with one hand on the wheel and another on a tambourine.  As his radio blared, he sang at the top of his lungs and shook the tambourine for all he was worth. 

TOMATO INTERVENTION REQUIRED ...

You say "to-may-to."  I say "to-mah-to".  But my colleague Lisa Lake says, "Let's call the whole thing off."  Lisa, it seems, has an irrational hatred of tomatoes.  She won't touch them ... not even as an elegant garnish on her Birthday Cake (pictured here).  I think the crowd at 7th and Montana should plan an intervention! 

YELLOW PERIL AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Call him "mellow yellow" at your (yellow) peril.  The resident of the bright yellow monstrosity on 7th Street made a brief appearance at 7th and Montana today.  Interestingly, photographic evidence suggests that his wardrobe is more subdued than his house.  I always thought he'd have more of a Ringling Bros. look to him!

COMINGS AND GOINGS AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

There are so many comings and goings at 7th and Montana these days you need a scorecard to tell who's in town.  Comings:  Terri (returned from Firenze);  Leah (returned from Israel);  Karenina (returned from vacation).  Goings:  Howard and Cathy (to Vail ... see "file photo" of their departure from 7th and Montana on Sunday).  MIA:  Our Favorite Building Manager! 

"HAPPY DAZE ARE HERE AGAIN ..."

The crowd at 7th and Montana was treated to an impromptu concert this morning courtesy of a dazed and confused gentleman (picture here) who for some reason decided to belt out tunes at the top of his lungs between sips of coffee.  In the words of Our Favorite Barista, Nada, "He's drunk out of his mind ... you should see some of the weirdos we get in here."  Present company excepted, I hope ...!

"THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE HIM AWAY, HA HA ...!"

Sirens were blaring and tongues were wagging at 7th and Montana today as five police cars and an ambulance showed up to arrest a screaming adolescent.  The demented youth -- who according to reports was on acid -- had offered me $1 Million for my cell phone shortly before authorities removed him from the scene on a stretcher.  No doubt the poor kid was unaware that my cell phone doesn't even have a zoom lens!

CURB HIS ENTHUSIASM ...!

The Nincompoop of the Day Award goes to the gentleman driving the silver Volvo who -- unable to curb his need for caffeine -- accidentally beached his car in Our Favorite Parking Lot.  Perhaps someone should tell this Knucklehead that Starbucks doesn't offer curbside service!     

NO SHRIMPS ALLOWED ...!

Animal activists were aghast this morning on reports that Starbucks coffee is fatal to Brine Shrimp.  According to the man standing in front of me in line at 7th and Montana, tests indicate that a shrimp will die if you drop it into a Starbucks Grande Drip.  By the time I thought to ask him how he came by this information, he was gone ... no doubt to prepare his favorite lunch:  Shrimp in a PETA pocket!

SOL SOURCE OF INCOME ...?!?

Kudos to Howard and Kathy on the conversion of their home into a solar powered paradise.  Imagine watching a meter tell you each day how much energy you're pumping back into the city, not to mention how much money you're saving.  Congratulations to you both ... we always knew you had a lot of Solar Flair!

A SYMPHONY OF TRASH ...

They say one person's trash is another's treasure and that must be true for our friendly neighborhood sanitation worker.  Every morning this Maestro of Garbage arrives at 7th and Montana -- music blaring -- to rock the neighborhood as he empties the trash.  His visit today was so distracting, I couldn't resist capturing this photo for posterity. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHARLIE ...!

Rumor has it that our friendly neighborhood mascot, Charlie, celebrated a birthday today.  Happy Birthday, Charlie ... and many happy returns!

A TALE OF TWO STARBUCKS ...!

Imagine starting the day at Starbucks in Kyoto and ending it at Starbucks at 7th and Montana?!?  I guess it's fair to say I covered a lot of grounds today.  In between Starbucks, I toured the ancient Kiyomizu Temple (#1-17), strolled through Kyoto's famous Geisha District (#18-19) and checked out a Palace of Gold (#20-22).  My favorite attraction?  Lunch at Patrick's Roadhouse, followed by a walk on the beach!

A REAL "CAN-DO" TECHNOLOGY ...!

People often ask me when I return from Japan, "What's the most impressive technology you saw?"  The award this time goes to the toilets at the Hotel Granvia in Kyoto.  The so-called "Toto Washlet" features a control panel that even the Starship Enterprise would envy.  It "oscillates," "ventillates" and more.  Admittedly, I didn't press any of these buttons.  Let's just say I was afraid to find out what happens if the system crashes!

ANOTHER BENTO MOMENTO ...!

What's purple, putrid, pustulent and a taste sensation in Japan?  I'll bite.  On second thought, maybe I won't.  Anyone who can identify the mystery substance in my Bento Box (see Photo #1) wins a big surprise.  Meanwhile, dessert, featured in Photo #2, consisted of bright pink and blue nut-filled bean paste resembling an igneous rock formation.  Bon Appetit!

GOOD MORNING, KYOTO ...!

The sun rose early in Kyoto today and so did I, intent on exploring this city known as the "capital of capitals" before my day began.  Imagine my surprise on encountering locals ranging from a formidable little old lady with a walking stick to homeless vagabonds wheeling carts of trash ... all meandering their way to the local "Coffee Boss."  It might not be 7th and Montana, but I guess it really is a small world!

LONG DAY'S JOURNEY INTO FLIGHT ...!

I'm writing this entry from 36,000 feet, just as United #877 to Osaka is crossing the International Dateline.  We just passed over the Gulf of Anadyr, but one look at the Japanese businessman beside me tells me we've crossed into the Twilight Zone.  He began the flight by reading a Japanese newspaper but quickly switched to porn once the lights went out.  Now he's reading a Winnie the Pooh book!

A BICYCLE BUILT FOR SIX ...?

I've heard of pedal power, but the crazy contraption I saw in Times Square this afternoon beats all.  For one low fee, six lucky tourists can hop aboard this "uber-cycle" and make the rounds in the Big Apple in style!

MEET CAPTAIN BLINDY ...!

They say bats fly pretty well despite their less than 20/20 vision, but imagine my surprise when the Captain of United Flight #840 to NY stepped into the cabin, gave me a nice big smile and said, "How-dee-do!  I just had my eyes checked and got these terrific new glasses. Whadya think?"  Then, as he cackled his way back to the cockpit, a Flight Attendant noted, "He sure is a trip!"  Personally, I think he's a bit batty ...

CUT DOWN IN THEIR PRIME ...

If anyone has been wondering why that tasteful Hearse (with the slogan "Rent and Live with Westside Rentals") has been inching its way up 7th Street these past few weeks, I think I have the answer.  Today marked the beginning of the end for eleven of Our Favorite Eucalyptus Trees, as an eager beaver crew began hacking away branches at a feverish pace.  Why the rush?  I'm stumped! 

THE NEXT BIG THING ...

Kudos to Melinda for the work she does with her charitable organization, The Next Big Thing, a group which helps underprivileged African children get badly needed medical attention.  Today Melinda brought a special guest to 7th and Montana, a 2-year-old girl from Ghana who just arrived for an operation she can only get in the U.S.  What a great cause!

CONFESSIONS OF A CHAIR THIEF ...

O.K., I'll admit it.  I'm a chair thief.  This morning I lurked in the shadows, just waiting for a poor, unsuspecting couple to turn their backs so I could pounce on one of their chairs.  And I almost got away with it, too ("if it hadn't been for those meddling kids ...").  On the other hand, as a certain unmentionable Slumlord once said, "What are they going to do about it ... send me to the Electric Chair?!?"

ANIMAL MAGNETISM AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

News Flash:  Noah reigns supreme as the official "chick magnet" of 7th and Montana.  In the five minutes I spent watching the lovable pooch this morning, virtually every woman who walked by stopped to pet him.  Later in the day, I decided to put my own "animal magnetism" to the test with an excursion to the Hustler Cafe near my office on Sunset (see photos 2-3).  Where was Noah when I needed him?!?

LIKE A GOTH TO A FLAME ...

Every morning we see her -- our Favorite Lady in Black -- and every morning we wonder:  What gives?!?  Is she Bela Lugosi's daughter, an understudy for Elvira: Mistress of the Dark or merely a Southern Belle in disguise, sent to establish a beachhead at 7th and Montana?  In any case, as today's photographic evidence suggests, she drinks coffee (not blood).  How does she take it?  Black, of course ...!

ASPIRATIONS, POLITICAL AND OTHERWISE ...

The political aspirations of our neighbor Jonathan Levey were put on hold last night as he lost his bid for California State Assembly.  Meanwhile, it was aspirations of another kind for our very own Melinda, who had her knee aspirated to increase her mobility in the wake of her recent injury.  Judging from today's photo, the procedure came not a moment too soon.  Something tells me she aspired to beat a hasty retreat!

ELECTION DAY AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

The prospect of today's statewide elections sent a shriver down my spine this morning as Our Favorite City Councilman -- Bobby Shriver -- took me by surprise by repeatedly urging me to vote.  Ironically, mere seconds before Shriver made the scene, Tom loudly proclaimed him a modern day "Carpet Bagger."  In any case, by the time Shriver left (see the back of his head receding into the distance), he had convinced me to vote!  

IDIOTS ON MONTANA ?!?

It's official:  Montana Avenue is infested with idiots ... and I don't mean the kind who leave remnants of their vehicles at Our Favorite Curbside.  The Aero Theater is running a special screening of Lars von Trier's memorable film The Idiots.   Still, one wonders what type of person would pay admission to see Idiots on Montana! 

COLOR THEM COLORBLIND ...!

Welcome to "Guess that Color" -- the guessing game we played at 7th and Montana this morning to identify the precise color of that garish monstrosity just North of Our Favorite Starbucks.  Is it "Dirty Gold?" "Yucko Stucco?"  "Sickly Urine?"  You decide.  But whatever you do, don't ask the owner.  According to the Online Color Test, this particular color -- whatever it is -- reflects an especially "stubborn and pompous" personality!

WITH APOLOGIES TO JOYCE KILMER ...

I think that I shall never see

a Poem Lovely as a tree.

But 7th Street is in dismay

as eleven trees will go away.

Farewell Eucalyptus, my heart doth sag

Our City hath given you a Big Red Tag!

 

HOME TOUR AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...!

Come one, come all!  Our Favorite Building Manager announced that on Saturday morning he will personally conduct a grand tour of the house being refurbished across from Our Favorite Starbucks.  "Not to worry," he said.  "The owners are good friends of mine.  They'd be thrilled to know I'm bringing the neighborhood through their new home before they move in!"  Perhaps we shouldn't mention anything to Officer Mike ... 

SEND TRISTAN SOME DRISTAN ...?!?

The crowd at 7th and Montana was in shock today on rumors that popular Barista Tristan was hit by a car.  According to Leah and Karenina, Tristan -- the victim of a recent hit and run accident -- was back behind the cappuccino machine today.  While Tristan was apparently vague regarding details of the accident, at least he's well enough to return to the daily grind.  Here's to your continued recovery, Tristan!

CUSTOMER SURVEY AT 7TH AND MONTANA ...

It was my lucky day at Starbucks as I was personally chosen to take an online customer survey.  Actually, the honors went to the person standing in front of me in line, but he deferred to me.  After answering questions about the cleanliness and quality of Our Favorite Starbucks, the company wanted to know:  "Do our employees remember your name?"  I guess "Grande Drip" is close enough!

WHEN SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION AREN'T ENOUGH ...

Some call her the Crazy Cat Lady.  To others she's the Cat's Meow.  Who could have imagined that Greg and Natalie's unusual neighbor would be the same screaming banshee who yelled at Kathy on Ocean Avenue and the same sweet friend of my colleague Lisa?  Coincidence?  I think not.  I haven't met the lady in question ... but something tells me it's just a matter of time!