Thursday, November 27, 2008
A CARD-CARRYING LOON ... AT 7TH AND MONTANA!
It may be "Turkey Day," but the Loons were out in full force this morning at Our Favorite Starbucks. Take the woman pictured to your left. No sooner did she get her latte then she started screaming at an Unwitting, Young Barista: "Give me back my Credit Card or else! You've stolen my card and I want it back!" At first, people took her seriously. "I'm sorry, mam, but he doesn't have your card," said Barista Kenisha, "We've searched everywhere and your card simply isn't here." That's when all Hell broke loose. "This isn't the first time you've done this to me," screeched the woman, "Why are you all out to get me?!? Never mind, I'll find it myself ... I'm calling the Police!!" And with that, she began circling Starbucks for 20-minutes, muttering incoherently to anyone who would listen. "He's done it to me again," she mumbled, "He's hidden my card in his apron, then slipped out the back door so he could put it in the dumpster. He'll be back to get it later ... but I'll be ready for him." I considered pointing out that the Dumpster behind Starbucks is hardly a good hiding place -- that even as she spoke, a Derelict could be found partially submerged in it -- but why waste my breath? By the time the Police finally arrived, she was long gone. She was last seen at the Lincoln Car Wash where, rumor has it, they've stolen her car, her wallet, and the last, remaining Shred of her Sanity ...!